A mix of emotions to say. Whether to laugh or cry i dont know. At times i feel so much anxiety and feel so overwhelmed by it and everything going on that i just want to give up, refuse to continue on because it feels too much. But other times i realise just how silly it is to feel that way and to be so dramatic and that things sort themselves out and panicking or having a mental break down is not going to lead to anything positive. Its like there are 2 parts inside of my mind, one side that is filled with anxiety and panic and has irrational thinking and the other side that thinks rationally and positivly and realises that things will be ok one way or another. So dealing with both sides but trying to focus more on the rational and positive way of thinking - it is more beneficial!!
So current situation, looking for a new place to live at the end of the month. Its funny how just 1 week ago i was worried about finding living for 2 weeks in january, now i have to deal with finding living for 2 months. But also that i had recently said to my mum how i was so tired of moving.... i just wanted to find a place i could settle and live for a long time and not have to pack my bags and move all the time and deal with the stress of finding new living. But you know what.... this experience will make me stronger. One day i will have my own place to live and i will feel comfortable and happy there and then i will look back on these years and realise that they were part of my journey and part of my growth.
Just 6 months ago something like this would have very much tipped me over the edge - as if i wasnt already tipping over - but now its just to think positive and keep going and be thankful for everything in my life. Thankful that i have had a great place to live and that i actually got to start my studies, thankful for my family, thankful for everyone who has reached out to me and tried to help.
Its easy to feel alone, but that isnt the case at all. Like i have always said, if you want help you need to reach out for it, because there is often atleast someone who is willing to help or listen or give advice, but you need to ask for it.
So.... anyway i am doing mostly ok. The stress and anxiety is causing havoc with my stomach and complete lack of appetite and extra tiredness from everything. But i am going to practise alot of self care and just know that i will feel more like myself in a day or two when things are more settled!! :)
This is part of life.... hahhahaaha. Cant have a comfortable life, just needed some blog drama i guess....? Make my life seem not so boring... hahahha. If only that was the case XD I would much rather take a boring blog and boring life than have to deal with these things XD But i know i amnt the only one going through different situations so i am not going to complain, instead i am going to just be positive!!!
For now there might not be so many personal posts - but i will keep blogging nonetheless, maybe just think twice before i hit post!