Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, November 18, 2016

Self analysis: Scared of messing up, scared of critique and wanting to make everyone happy


I saw this photoset on Tumblr and i could relate to it very much. I am the type of person who doesnt like making or taking decisions. Sure if i am placed in a "life or death" make a decision situation i can, and in some cases i can take a leading roll for example with school work and group work. Then i can take more of leadership roll. And when it comes to making decisions just for myself i have no problem, i.e i know what i want to eat, i know what film or series i want to watch, i know what i want to do or not do and i make those decisions for myself. But once i need to make a decision for someone else as well i cant.... i worry too much that the other person might not be happy over the decision i make. For example if i am going to the cinema with someone i wont say which film i want to see because i dont want to say a film and then the other person doesnt want to see it but agrees anyway... whereas i am more like, "i dont really care". Just like when i go out to eat with people, i wont say what i want to eat, but instead its more like "as long as there is something there i can eat i dont care where we go."

I see myself as "careless", like i dont have so many preferances. Series X or series Y, film X or film Y, indian food or chinese food or tapas... it doesnt really matter to me hence why i wont make a decision but just say "whatever". I want to make everyone happy and dont want to make the wrong decision.

This is actually something i have struggled alot with my whole life is being worried about making a wrong decision... doing something wrong and getting told off. The fear has stopped me so many times in life because i havent wanted to be critiqued or gotten told off. I have been extremely scared of people, especially teachers and even my parents at times (though they are amazing people!), because i have felt so insecure and havent wanted to do wrong. Hence why i suffer with low self esteem and perfectionism, because i so badly want to do everything right and to never make a mistake.


Of course i am learning now in life that its ok to make mistakes, and i cant make everyone happy. Its not easy and i still fall back into the perfectionism and cant make decisions for others or make choices when i am with otherpeople, as well as having a huge fear of messing up. But i am learning!!!

I thought i would write about this because others might relate? That fear of messing up, or wanting to make everyone happy.... but in a way it controls you and controls the decisions you make and not always in a positive way. I have gone out of my way to make others happy while taking away my own happiness in the process. Ive put my health at stake because ive been scared of doing wrong or scared of being told off or critiqued. In the past it controlled my life more - those fearsand insecurities. But as i grow older and mentally stronger as well as self analyzing myself i realise that those things need to change. That i need to be strong enough to make decisions and confident enough and not be scared of messing up!! One day i might be fully free from those things, but for now they are still part of my life and my minset and do control me in someways. But the fact that i am aware of them, it is one step closer to making a change and improving!!!

Can you relate to the photoset or anything that i wrote in this post?

8 comments:

  1. That's how I am/ how I feel :( Growing up my dad would always ask me which thing [insert movie, coat, food, anything..] I wanted and 99% of the time he would say, "Well, I like this one better, so we're getting this" or "Really? You like that?"...It messed with my head for so long and still does even though he's only does it once or twice a year now and I'm away at school. He's said he sorry for doing it but he's just done it so much and still does it occasionally. Now my boyfriend always asks my opinions on what to do or whatever and a lot of the times he forces me to make decisions, in a loving/caring/understanding way of course. Like last year when we went out to dinner he asked me where I wanted to go and I said I don't know, despite knowing in my mind where I wanted to go. So we just walked around until I decided on something. It wasn't the place I wanted to go to originally but it was still good. A lot of the time I still need to be prompted to make decisions though when he asks things and I decide based on what he says in suggestions/what I know are safe answers. I know he wants to help, and he has/does, a lot, but it's still just really hard to tell anyone my opinion on anything, and really hard to express that I physically cannot make a decision just because I'm terrified of rejection or with being judged or not making someone happy. Especially with him, which leads me to second guess a lot of the things I say to him or even how I say them... :/ So yeah...that was kind of depressing haha

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    1. I was exactly the same with my boyfriend. We would literally sit hours in the sofa until I made the decision about what we should eat as I just kept saying "I don't care " or we would just walk around until I made the decision about what we should do as he knew I didn't like making decisions but he wanted me to be more confident and actually make decisions hahah. It's not easy, but I guess it's something you get better at with progress and knowing that it's OK to make decisions. I wish I had better advice but as I struggle with the same thing all I can say is that we should both privatise making decisions for others as well, haha.

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    2. It's ok :) Just knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way or to hear someone else put it into words is good enough. Actually I just asked my friend if she wanted to go with me tonight to get a free shirt our school's handing out and she said yes!! Still a little nervous since I don't want to force her to go with me but trying to push those thoughts aside!!!

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  2. I can relate to this so much! (though I've improved a lot in the last few years) But Í also had the experience when I was asked for my opinion, then I was told that my opinion/choice is wrong... Like my family often ask me where I want to go or what I would like to eat, then they tell me that my choice is not a good idea...

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  3. Hi Izzy! this is off-topic but I found some controversal arcticles regarding veganism. What do you think? https://www.indy100.com/article/naturalist-says-vegans-are-responsible-for-killing-animals-7422566 https://www.indy100.com/article/hey-vegans-turns-out-your-diet-isnt-so-good-for-the-environment--WJXaZPXJPb note: the titles are far worse than the articles.

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  4. I relate to thing so much! I didn't really realise until I saw this how I'm fearful of people not accepting or loving my decisions or 'true' self or wants.

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  5. I can 100% relate to this post and your feelings :/
    I don't think of myself as a people pleaser, but I'm always self-conscious of how other people will interpret my preferences. I don't feel comfortable telling people what music I like or the restaurant I would like to go to or what books I like to read. I feel like people will judge me, even though I don't judge people for their preferences.
    It's weird how the brain works....
    I'm absolutely awful at making decisions that involve people other than myself. I guess it's something I need to work on.

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  6. I relate to this post so much. So, so much. Part of the struggle - and joy - of my recovery was learning to speak for myself. Figuring out what I liked, what I disliked. Colours, clothes, food, movies, everything. For so many years, I thought I was just easy-going, or didn't have strong opinions. What was really going on was that I had no self esteem, was a severe people-pleaser, and had suffocated my identity in my effort to be likeable, easy, accepted, and a chameleon to whomever I was with. It was really scary to begin asserting myself. I started keeping journals of magazine clippings - outfits and home decor and scenery, just pictures that spoke to me. I started learning about what spoke to me, what was important to me. And I eventually started speaking up. Much to my amazement, people respond better to me now, because I have an actual personality, I am an individual that stands out against the beige. People like me because there is now an actual person to like, not just a cardboard cutout agreeing with whatever they say. I mean, they might as well be alone if I'm just going to mirror whatever they think and do and say. I also care less about people NOT licking me - because I have self-respect now, and can appreciate myself for my own individuality. It is a work in progress - for example, in professional settings my autopilot response is still to be a yes-man, and in large social settings my instinct is to fly under the radar and not get noticed. But it's constantly improving, and I feel good about who I am. I have to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, learn to take my rightful place in the world. Understand that my own opinion is just as valid as everyone else's, and to deny it is to say I'm unworthy, or not as good as everyone else. That's no longer a message I'm comfortable giving myself. Thanks for posting this, it was an important topic to address, especially since its so prevalent in people struggling with EDs and other disorders.

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