Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Past few days in Stockholm and what ive eaten

Hello :)

This is pretty much the first time i have turned on my computer and had time to write since i arrived in Stockholm Thursday evening. These past few days i have priortized time with my family and i just havent felt like blogging or being on the computer, not even watching series or Youtube, instead i have been with my family or in the kitchen making food, haha!!

I really havent done much to be honest but that is exactly what i have needed. I have needed to just do nothing...  to not have to go anywhere or be anywhere, and despite not studying so much (Sunday i took a completely Study free day which is the first time i have done this since i started studying again in August) the days have passed so quickly, almost too quickly.
Ive started my days with a morning walk with my dog, which is my absaloute favourite thing and wish i could start everyday like that. But i must say i do miss the gym alot by now and am already longing to get back into the gym again, but i am thinking what is 11 days out of my life? And what if i was injured or couldnt workout at all, i really shouldnt complain or feel sad about 11 days from the gym i have still had the chance to go for a walk and get some fresh air anyway, it could be worse! But of course when the gym is something i love and i absaloutly love strength training then it feels so strange when i havent been able to do that anymore. Its like if you love paining or singing or theater and then suddenly you cant do that anymore and you feel like something is missing. But moving on!!

My parents have been so kind and bought a bunch of vegan food for me which i wasnt expecting at all as i just figured i would buy my own food and not inconvenience them and i knew that basic things like potatoes, vegetables and lentils would be available at home. But they bought bouught vegan cheese and butter and fake meat and oat cream and cinnamon crisp bread which is vegan etc One of the things about being home again is finding it fun to cook and bake again. Its not fun to cook or bake when i am just doing it for one person and also when i just have very basic ingredients and the same ingredients. But now ive been able to make dinners and lunches for myself and my family and been able to bake both a vegan chocolate cake (to celebrate my birthday), as well as saffron buns and a sweet potatoe pie. And made other delicious food while staying here. My mum is all about me "eating as much as i can" as she is so worried that i might not get the right amount of energy while living on my own, but she really doesnt need to worry about that. And i think it calms her to see how much i eat and that i am still a healthy weight and still healthy and have a huge appetite as usual!! haha

On Sunday my aunt and her partner came over to visit - as well as my step brother, and we ate the cake i made and the saffron buns and i was given some birthday presents which i hadnt expected. Im not so much about material things so i never really wish for anything and always feel embarrassed when i am given gifts - i never want to accept or open them. Which of course is seen as a little rude when i dont really want to accept the present, but i guess ijust have to learn that recieving presents doesnt make me selfish or something i should be ashamed about... i mean most people have a list of 10 items they want for their birthday or Christmas and i can never say 1 thing i want... unless its something like "i would love to have help to pay for my dentist appointment or i really need a winter jacket and the jacket i want is out of my price range... then i can request those things to be a present"

Anyway, moving on!! 

Today it is home time and back to Gothenburg, it feels strange but also good. I am ready to just move into the new apartment and try to settle there for 2-3 weeks. And also my mum is travelling to Gothenburg on Friday and my dad is visiting on Saturday so i will spend my weekend with them. And then it is full focus on studies again before i travel back to Stockholm again for Christmas and then in the new year move again (and then move again in February, hahah). So trying not to panic about all the moving and travelling, but just focusing on the now and getting my tests and studies done and just focusing on over all health, wellbeing and happiness!!

Ohh also, my sister had told my mum about my latest tattoo, but hadnt said what or where ihad gotten it. So when i showed my mum and told her the meaning of it she said that she did like it and could understand that it was a positive quote and meaning for me even if it may be percieved as a negative meaning from an outsider. But the important thing is that i like it and i dont really care what others think!!!







8 comments:

  1. So glad that things are getting better for you! It's easy to forget to take time for yourself when we're all so busy. (Btw that cake looks delicious) :)

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  2. Good to hear that you had a lovely time with your family and managed to take a much needed break from everything. Sometimes we need complete respite just to recharge and re energise ourselves, so I hope you feel 100% better for it :)
    Loved seeing your photos and of the cake you made - it looked very tempting!
    Hope the rest of the week goes well for you and your first move goes ok!

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  3. Do you have friends? I feel like you're always alone. This whole post sounds very disordered. It's easy to tell by the defensive way you write lately that you're relapsing.

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    1. Well if she has been alone the whole time, who had taken the photo of her?:'D

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  4. Wow there's a few rude comments on your latest posts.. just let them be i' d say ;)
    I'm so happy for you that you were able to truly relax and recharge while in Stockholm girl. Wishing you all the luck with the upcoming changes in your house situation. I'm sure it' ll all go well :)

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  5. Everything looks good! :) love the 1/2 savory 1/2 sweet butternut squash.

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  6. Where are you moving to? I hope it goes well for you and you soon settle in.

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