Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
normal people thoughts
I remember when i was sick i always wondered, what do normal people think about? And i also wondered how normal people didnt seem to think about food so often, some even forgot to eat, i just didnt understand it. My thoughts were always on food, calories, weight, exercise, my body. I spent most of my time counting calories and thinking about calories. If i ever went out to eat or had to face a fear food i would sit and just look at what others ate and guess how much calories was in the food they were eating, and then i would wonder how could they just sit and eat and look so calm when i was freaking out over a small biscuit i had to eat. I was consumed by my eating disorder thoughts and if i wasnt thinking about food or weight or exercise i would be thinking about suicide and death or freaking out from guilt and anxiety. I remember longing to just be normal.... have normal people problems and normal people thoughts, but i didnt think that would be possible.... to one day not be consumed by numbers... to one day not be consumed with hate for my body, and one day not be consumed by self hate and suicidal thoughts.
What i can say is that it is possible to reach that mindset. But like mentioned many times before, its about change of thoughts and distractions and living life. I dont know what everyone thinks about, and thoughts are so varied but i can say that my own normal thoughts during a day are often about school, my school work, what i should blog about, what my goals are, planning for the day and organizing and then of course some worrying about the future. And of course there are some food thoughts such as what i should make for dinner if i dont have a meal already made, or whether i have the ingridients to make the food i am craving, but otherwise i dont spend so much time thinking about food.
My normal people problems might be a little more "sick" as i do struggle with anxiety and some form of depression so its not always "healthy thouhts or problems" i have. But for the majority of the time my problems are.... Scheduling in everything i want to do, what to wear, having enough money, school work, trying to have a clean room etc
And i much rather choose all of these small "Problems" compared to the problems i had when i was struggling with my eating disorder. Back then all i longed for was to have a day where my worst problem was trying to find the right clothes to wear, instead of being told that i was going to spend X weeks more in hospital, or crying because the sauce had cream in it, or having an anxiety attack because my meal plan was being raised.
It is possible to reach a healthy mindset - and that should be the ultimate goal. Because without a healthy mind its hard to be 100% healthy. Because even if physical health is recommended, you also need your mind to be your friend and to be healthy as well. Your mind controls you, so you need to make sure that your thoughts are healthy.
The more focus on life and living and putting energy into things that bring you forward in life and less focus on things that hold you back or make you sick. Its a process, just like everything else and i wish i could give you a 5 step program to be free from the obsessive thoughts but unfortunatly that is not possible. Its all up to you to try to think differently, to set up goals that bring you towards a healthy mindset.
You also need to remember that the problems you are dealing with now, they wont last forever. One day you will look back and think "wow, i actually got past that struggle, or that problem resolved itself even if i didnt think it would." (This is a reminder to myself as well - as i worry too much about current problems!)
One day, hopefully your worst problem of the day will be that you forgot to wash your hair and its greasy or that your sock has a hole in it!!!