Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, November 20, 2016

If the world was blind who would you impress?

This is going to be a ramble/thought post and as usual with these posts i never really know how they will turn out, i just felt i wanted to write about some thoughts i have been having.

So recently i have been thinking about how there are so many people who have their body image as their income. That they are dependant on how they look and showing off their physique and have to look a certain way to get enough likes or followers and money. Of course this sounds very judgemental (so i know im most likely being hypocritical in this post), but i think its a little sad when people are just "their bodies". When they spend their whole life trying to change their body or look a certain way, or they cant gain weight or gain fat because then they might not earn money. I personally dont find bodyspo or loads of pictures of guys or girls in little clothing so inspiring.... it doesnt evoke guilt or anxiety like it once did, but it is neither inspiring or something i need in my life. Sure i can think that a good physique can be a sign of dedication and yes, i think muscular people look good, just like i personally like a more athletic appearance on myself. We all want to look good and we all have our preferances, but sometimes i think.... why are people so focused on their body and wasting so many hours and days and months trying to change their body or hating their body? You aremore than your body, more than your legs or your stomach or your arms... you are your personality and your interests and hobbies. I mean if your only goal in life is to look a certain way or to have abs or slim legs then i dont know how happy or accomplished you will feel in life.... Sure we all want to look and feel good but dedicating your whole life to your body just seems so strange to me. Maybe that is because i have spent so many years of my life hating my body and wanting to change it and never being happy with the way i look, so now when i am at peace with my body and love and accept the way i look, i find it so strange to see how many people dedicate their lives to changing their appearance.

But moving on.... the whole body and appearance thing then got me thinking about, why do i share food pictures online? Because the truth is, nobody actually cares about what i eat. I am aware of this.... and then i asked myself, well isnt it just a waste of time? But then i thought,  if i can inspire atleast one person to eat more plant based that would be amazing. Or if i can inspire atleast one person to dare to listen to their body and eat intuitively, then i know i am making a difference. Sharing food pictures online is a little strange and like said, nobody really cares..... but in a way i still believe i can make a difference as well as enjoying it. Why would i do it otherwise?

But i feel like the things i do in life need to have a purpose and a meaning. My blog posts shouldnt just be words written for no meaning, but to try to inspire and help others. I want to make a difference with the things i do.... i want to help and make a difference in the world. Help people with their health, inspire others, inspire others to eat more plant based or make small differences in their life towards better health and also a better planet. Inspire others to be kind, to be happy and positive and to want to aim for their goals.

I dont want the things i do in life to be pointless or meaningless. I dont want to share a picture just because or write some words without meaning.

Of course, my snapchat pictures might not have alot of meaning behind them, hahaha. But i feel like the things i do in life and the things i share on here and some of my other social media - i want to make a difference.

I remember in the past i used to share so many body pictures and also basically food diaries (though they were requested), and now it just makes me laugh. Of course i still post some pictures of myself, maybe i want to share an outfit or maybe i just felt super happy when the picture was taken so i wanted to share it.... but it feels like sharing a daily stomach photo or a bicep flexing photo is just completely unnecessary and pointless? Just like sharing every single meal i eat is very pointless even if its requested.... what i do post should actually have some form of meaning behind it, even if that meaning or purpose is just that the cinnamon bun i ate was damn delicious!

Anyway.... just some thoughts i had this morning. Maybe think about your own actions.... who would you inspire or impress if everyone was blind?

But also to remember that you are more than your body - if the only thing that makes you happy is your body, then think about what would happen if you ended up having your body change whether it was weight gain or weightloss or muscle loss or due to injury/surgery. You need to be more than your body, but also i guess if you post alot online then maybe ask yourself why... if the answer is, You love what you post, then GO FOR IT. If it makes you happy, do it. I am pretty sure people question somethings i post online, but if it makes me happy ill post it. And that answer is enough - but if you post things just because or just because you are fishing for likes then maybe your intentions need to change?

Anyway, just some Sunday morning thoughts which i wanted to share!!

What are your thoughts or opinions on this? 


  1. One of the reasons I love your blog is because of its/your evolution. It's so neat to see an actual written/pictorial record of someone's growth, from absolute despair and sickness, to healthy young adult still learning lessons. I love your honesty and your willingness to publicly share and reflect on your own journey. You don't go back and scrub your blog of posts that you no longer agree with. Instead, you discuss them maturely. It's a really unique thing to do, and being able to see the entire process, with its highs and lows and bumps in the road, is more inspiring than any strajght-shot how-to recovery guide could be. It's seeing your realness as a human, seeing what it's like to learn and change from experience, seeing what willingness looks like on a daily basis - these are the things that are invaluable to your readers. Thank you for all you do. I've seen so many comments from readers about how you have helped them, and what a gift that is for both sides. Thank you.

    1. Thank you! Hahah well I know I make mistakes and am far from perfect. I grow and learn and that is important, I'm sure in a few years time I'll look back on my life now and realise there were things I needed to change or habits or things I did which weren't optimal but don't realise now! Life is about growing and I'm not ashamed about admitting mistakes or having people point out things i do which I should consider changing!!! Self reflection and constitutive critisizing are just positives to me!

  2. Agree with the personabove! It's so aesome that you have continiously usedthis blog as your own diary and format to helpt others aswell. One can so clearly see how much you are developing as a person. Growing outfroma girl into a woman - a person with more and more chosen ways to live life and values, etc. where you stand up for. I think only this is already really awesome.
    Besides that i agree that the most important thing isn't and shouldn't be what you can do for others or to change things in this world but more so if you're having fun and feel content about the context you're putting out! And i believe you truly do, i mean, otherwise you wouldn't post as much, right.
    As for your blog i think you are doing an amazing job in making it have a very important purpose. Speaking for myself you have helped (and still do) me tons in my recovery. ALSO with the posts that now seem more unnecessary to me. Like indeed food diaries and a lot o body pictures. But before they mattered somuch to me. Because you are incredibly open and clear about your process and progress all throughout your recovery and life in general. So seeing that you in fact eat more than what is put out there as a standard diet (or what i see in general in my own life) encourages me a lot to not fear eating more. For me personnaly that's a pretty important reminder as i have Always eaten more than others (like you mention hereand there that it's been like this for you as well) and to not be scared, ashamed or afraid to give into that. No matter if you're infact still underweight or already on a healty or at least healthier weight. So yeah, just so that you know: Whatever you put out you willmake a difference!! And i am pretty damn sure i am not the only one who feels this way. Same goes for body posts you did in the past as well as comparison pictures. They have never ever been triggering to me. On the contrary, it encouraged me to push through and made me able to see that taking care of yourself leads to a healthy body and a way healthier mind.
    As for your instagram i really like that you aren't one ofthose (there ale plenty -.-) fake accounts that post way too pretty looking food that they won't be eating anyway. Or just making pictures for the sake of their IG account and not for the sake of sharing it..if you get me. No matter if you will in fact eat the whole choc bar as well as the other things you might put together in a picture. I don't care haha. It's just nice to have some REAL inspiration on that platform in stead of all those foods i really won't have a clue how to make you know ;p
    As for the fact that so many people are so obsessed with how they look and now even with all the social media hypes around food/fitness/etc. are in fact depending on their body to have a certain income..that's so bad imo!! In any case i think it's just bad. Really. No matter if a person likes to do it or not, it's not how we are supposed to live imo. There is SO MUCH more to life than obsessing about how you look. Even when it's not an 'obsession' those people still promote the mindset of 'beingfit equals being happy' you know. Which is BULLSHIT! For example if i look at my little brother who i s now almost 19 years old, he is not fit at all. Yet he looks very good. I mean he is slightly toned and slim, tall,just a handsome young man. However he hates sports and loves to eat quite unhealthy to put it that way. If he'd, say, gain weight because of his lifestyle (which doesn't happen because he doesn't over eat or sth he has a healthy relationship with food) but if it would he wouldn't give a single damn. (continue in next comment)

  3. And i think that's a really good example of how we are supposed to live. Not saying i promote no sports btw!! Because personally ilove sports a lot. Have Always loved it from a very young age. Sothat resulted in having a pretty slim and toned body but i never noticed that myself as a child. Because children don't care about that. In fact, that attitude that children have is so awesome. Some love sports and that results in looking fit and eating more because they use more energy than others. Some don't like sports and, for example, like to draw a lot. They won't look as fit and might not eat as much food. But both will be happy because the ylike to do what they do. The adult world should become more lke that :)

  4. You still post a lot of pictures flexing your arms and abs, and I just wonder why? You say you don't care or think about your body appearance, but it seems like you do? I just think that will lead to body comparing and people thinking that body appearance is important.

    1. Like i wrote on the post I might just be hypocritical because I know that I post some body photos and the only real reason I do it is because I felt happy when I took the photo and I mostly share them on Snapchat. And my Snapchat/my story doesn't really have much of a message apart from me wanting to post whatever I want on there without any second thoughts. But of course it can lead to comparison and that's not what I want, and of course no body photos at all would be optimal... I mean they have no value or meaning. So I'm going to post less but if I feel happy and want to share a photo then I will. But of course maybe I'm just hypocritical and judgemental? Haha