
After a 5 year struggle with anorexia (with purging tendencies), depression, self harm and over exercising I have now been recovered for 4 years and i use my blog to help others in the same situation i once was. I am now a happy and positive person who wants to inspire those struggling to choose recovery and to take control over life and happiness again!
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Life without Anorexia

Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Being suspicious of others making you food as a vegan
When i read this comment it struck me alot as the way i used to think when i was sick. So scared of people lying to me about what was in the food when they made it. Scared that my family would drown the food in oil and cream just to make me fat, or didnt even believe bar tenders had actually given me diet coke and would get so paraonoid that they had given me regular cola instead. I was paranoid about anyone making me food and i needed control over my own food so that no one would add something without me knowing. That type of mindset is very unhealthy and very obsessive, and i can understand that as a vegan some might feel that way... the paranoid feeling but you know what... then you have to ask yourself why you are vegan? If its because you dont want to contribue to animal suffering then no, you wont consciously buy anything with animal products but if you accidently eat something with animal products it is not the end of the world and you shouldnt feel guilty, especially not if it was just an accident such as you ordered a food at a restaurant and there was butter in it. You can not live a life feeling paranoid and scared and worried that people are trying to trick you, that is a very lonely and sick mindset and it will stop you from socializing or feeling normal.... being vegan shouldnt mean that you never eat out or never eat with friends or never let other people make you food. Sometimes you just need to be more clear about what foods shouldnt be part of your dish, but mistakes happen.
However legally restaurants, cafes and products have to state what is in them or if you ask for a food without milk or butter or egg then they have to make the food without those ingredients if it is possible. This is because those foods can cause allergic reactions, just like dishes with nuts have to have it stated.
I choose to believe restaurants and cafes and products when i ask for them vegan or buy food that is "said" to be vegan, but if a mistake happens i wont beat myself up over it... I can just be thankful that i am not allergic to those foods because then it would be a whole other problem both for the person and the brand/restaurant.
You shouldnt live your life in fear and it sounds like that is what you are doing. Veganism shouldnt be restrictive or hold you back, you should still be able to go out and eat and not have to panic or worry... maybe just be clear about what the food should contain or not contain and then trust the staff. You are not a bad person if you do accidently eat non vegan and your parents arent bad people if they accidently fry your food in butter - of course hopefully next time they would be more aware and not make the same mistake twice, but if it happens its ok.
Dont walk around feeling paranoid and suspicious of everyone. Instead, dare to go out and eat more and allow others to make you food. But also know that vegan branded food IS vegan, it has to be otherwise it is false marketing and branding which is illegal (?).
I dont know whether you have/have had an eating disorder or not, but if you find yourself too controlling with food and too obsessed and suspicious over people making you food, then you really need to take a step back and not let food control you so much. Not let food give you guilt or anxiety and also question whether your choice to be a vegan is a healthy one or one that might (?) stem from an eating disorder/eating disorder behaviour.
It's my Birthday!!
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Health vegan or ethical vegan?
Well there are "Health vegans" and "ethical vegans" and "environmental vegans" however i think by definition vegan means for the ethical reasons and if you are just doing it for health reasons you are more of a plant based eater. But also it depends on whether its just a diet or a lifestyle.



Beginning to relapse, what to do?


When it comes to relapse others around you might not even notice that you are relapsing unless you begin to show signs or the eating disorder behaviours. So the best thing is that if you notice you are beginning to relapse, Talk to someone. Communicate. It can be hard to talk especially when the eating disorder voice/control begins to get stronger again and that old compulsions and habits are being used again. But you need to realise that if you dont try to stop the relapse at the beginning it will just worse and you will spiral down again, and that is most likely not a place you want to be at.
It can be good to think about what triggered you or caused you to relapse, because often there is a cause such as stress, low self esteem, maybe getting comments from people etc So knowing that triggered you or caused you to begin using eating disorder habits and coping mechanisms again can help you from falling back again later on in life.
Also be honest to yourself about the fact that you are relapsing. Be honest about what habits you have begun to use again and try to change them. The habits and thoughts wont go away unless you make them go away, and that is tough, it is challenging but it is possible to fight them and face those fears and be free of them. But that means that you have to decide to change.
Dont accept half recovery or relapse. If you think you cant, then you cant. But if you think you can, then you can!!! You have to believe that you can fully recover and want to fully recover as well!!!
Dont tell yourself that "you dont want to be a burden" or "admit that you have fallen back again" or "think you arent strong when you were doing so well but now relapsing" or that "there is nothing wrong". First off, you arent a burden just because you relapse, however if you struggle in silence and keep falling down then it will become a burden eventually when instead you could have asked for help in the beginning and not have to fight your way back even longer. And also, relapse happens... infact relapse is alot more common than people think though not everyone admits they have relapse and instead just live a life of half recovery. But relapse is nothing to be ashamed about, instead asking for help and making sure to keep fighting and not allowing yourself to fall back farther.
If you begin to develop another eating disorder, then make sure to talk to someone. It happens, peolpe who had anorexia can develop binge eating disorder or bulimia or orthorexia, or people who struggled with binge eating can develop anorexia it happens. But the important thing is to not be ashamed about it or think "wow, i had such self control and didnt eat anything, and now i cant stop myself from eating" or think "before i couldnt stop eating, now i dont eat at all so this is better when i dont eat/eat very little". Going from one eating disorder to another is not ok, and it happens so it is important to be honest about yourself and notice the warning signs and not be scared to speak up about it. I struggled with binge eating and purging for a few months and it was awful... going from barely eating at all, to suddenly eating everything in the cabinets and having to replace the food because i would eat whole loaves of bread, whole packages of cereal and even a whole cake, and i couldnt stop myself. But i had to realise the warning signs and that what i was doing was another eating disorder and the first thing to do was to eat regular meals and stop the purging and eventually the binges and craving for binges stopped.
When it comes to relapse the important thing to remember is that "one time" is not always one time. I.e if you feel guilty or very full after eating a meal and think, well i'll purge it will only be once, that is not always the case. Or you think, i'll skip a meal becuase you want to save calories.... that might not be the only time it happens. Stop the relapse before you fall further down and remember you arent weak for relapsing it happens, you are strong for fighting and hopefully fighting towards full recovery!!!
And last note, like mentioned earlier. Work on the things that caused the relapse, or things you know you might need to improve as well as working on your thoughts. Because food isnt the problem, thats your way of coping whether its only eating certain foods, restricting or binge eating... its about control and not so much about the food but things in your life that you need to work on!
I have many posts about relapse which might help, if you check out my relapse tag HERE

Past few days in Stockholm and what ive eaten
Monday, November 28, 2016
Recovery
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Recovery success of the week
Then comment below and share it!! I love reading all your progresses and it makes me smile and feel so proud over you all even if i may not personally know you. But i hope that you can see your progress as positive and something that you should feel proud over :) Also i have heard from many readers that even if they dont comment themselves it does inspire them to read other peoples messages and recovery progress/life successes, so know that your progress will also help to inspire others!!! :)
For me.... my life progress is learning to take a break. Take a break from blogging, take a break from studying and learning that spending time with family or not being independant isnt a sign of weakness but actually a sign of strength in my case!!! :)
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Questions about exercise and working out
Have you ever considered joining an exercise class or do you prefer to workout to your own agenda and your own pace?
I did think about joining a running group when I lived in Stockholm and felt that I would improve more if I ran with others. But the groups were always in the evenings and I didn't feel super excited to run at those times as well as I do prefer to workout on my own!
I do want to join a crossfit club sometime as I loved the group feeling which you got while working out there and how everyone kept trying to motivate and pep each other to keep going! I also love that form of exercise with the high intensity!! But for now I enjoy my workouts on my own as they are my time for myself and can just "not think" for an hour, though I don't mind working out with others as long as they actually workout and don't just sit/stand and talk for an hour which many do when working out together!!!
Do you change your diet at all when you are running or training for one of the runs you do? What is the longest distance you have ran?
The longest distance I have ran is 21,5km :) and when I was training for the half marathon I didn't think so much about changing my diet but I did make myself eat more. Long runs don't actually make me so hungry, strength training does. So I had to consciously make myself more. I did however make sure to eat lots the night before I would do a long distance run as I would then eat something small like a banana and raisins or rice cakes in the morning before I ran and then post run even more. I know one day after a 20km run I had a 1000+ calorie breakfast (I roughly calculated the calories as I was interested to see how much it actually was!). As I was eating enough I didn't really need to change my diet, just needed to increase on the days I did long distance and also to get more sleep which was important!!!
Have you ever considered running a marathon?
I have and it's been on my bucket list for years however now I am beginning to realise that I don't know if I can or want to run a marathon. At this point in my life I am not willing to put down the hours of running necessary to run 42km, as well as having hip and knee problems that can flare up after just a 15km run so I wouldn't want to end up very injured just to finish a run. But never say never, in a few years maybe I will but first I need to get back into running and maybe run a 21km again!!
Do you do the runs for yourself or do people sponsor you for charities?
All the races I've done have just been for fun:) but one day I would like to raise money for either CF foundation or for mental health awareness/foundation! :)
How did you discover you were good at and liked running?
I wasn't actually so good at running, that just came from practise and lots of running.... and I still wasn't that great, and now I'm basically back to stage 1 of running as I don't do it so often, haha! I enjoyed the freedom and feeling of running- once I had gotten rid/changed the thoughts that connected running with anxiety and burning calories. Once I reached the stage where I could exercise for enjoyment and appreciate my bodies capabilities and how strong it was, running was alot more fun. And then as I ran more and practised I also got better!!! Running and strength training are things which are "fresh produce" so to say,I. E if you go with months without running then you will notice that you might not be where you were before, just like with strength training. However cardiovascular health is easy to work up again and you will have muscle memory making it easier to get back to where you were before. So I know that once I begin to dedicate more time to running it won't be too hard to make progress!
What classes should you take to become a health coach and your passion about it.
What classes you take depends on where you study and also if it's more PT focused or more nutrition focused. Some of the classes I'm taking/have taken are nutrition, food knowledge , bacteria and food, chemistry and biochemistry, physiology and will be taking health coaching classes (with practical work), sicknesses and health care/sickness in society, more about nutrition and food and things such as bmr,rmr, activities levels and then in my 5th term I might read some psychology and business and maybe something about exercise nutrition!! There are of course some courses which aren't as fun but most of them are alot of fun and there is a mix of practical and theoretical!!! :)
And why I want to study this program? Well because I want to help people stay healthy or want to be healthy. Help people with their nutrition to be optimally healthy and happy and then also if I study some psychology and business I can have my own company and maybe help people more with their mental care (even if I could never replace a therapist, I think it's good to have some understanding!). There are some online educations which give people a "health coach" diploma after 2 weeks which is a little irritating considering that I will study 3 years at university and sort of have the same title "though my title will be more "hälsovetare" which is translated to health knower hahha a. I am pretty sure people who study 4 years to become a dietician feel irritated when someone who has gone a 3 week online course starts writing lots of meal plans and making money. Of course there is nothing wrong with not studying at university (not everyone wants to or can), but sometimes I think people in university question there choice of study when someone hm else has done a 3 week online course and is given the same job title (almost!) And does the same thing.... hahah.
Anyway, this was part one of some of your questions and I'll try get around to the rest of the Questions :)
(Note, this is written on my phone if there are any grammar mistakes!!)
Friday, November 25, 2016
Mentioning your mental illness/history of mental illness when applying for work
On application forms for employment it sometimes mentions medical history. My question is do you write that you have had/got an ED? Is it best to be completely honest or is it wise to withhold this information?
Have you ever been in this situation regarding application forms for various things that require a medical history?
I think it depends on what the former is for. If it's for a job it's not necessary unless it will interfere with your work (but even then you don't always need to mention it, that's a personal choice.) but for example if you go to therapy 2 times a week and certain hours you can't work then maybe you want to mention that. but if it's nothing that will affect your work then it doesn't have to be mentioned. I remember when I signed up for my first gym card and I had to write my medical history and I wrote that I had had an eating disorder but in all honesty they didn't care. The medical history is mostly if the illness can cause a problem or be a reason as to why you can't do something for example if you've have back problems maybe you can't lift heavy for a job and then you get assigned to something else.
Maybe someone else has some better advice to share or their experience. I think some can find that unfortunately - mentioning that you have or have had a mental illness can hinder you from certain jobs or things in life and it's best to leave it out unless it will infact impact your work abilities. For example I'm sure if I had said that I was depressed when I applied for my job in summer I wouldn't have gotten the job because usually people with depression might not show up or there is the stereotypical picture that people with depression just lie in bed and do nothing and don't show up. Whereas I did the exact opposite and worked an extreme amount which was in fact actually due to my depression and wanting to just work to fill time and not deal with stress or feelings.
Comment below if you have any experience or other advice or tips! I do personally think that if you do get a job and you are currently struggling with some forms of mental illness, then in the long term you can mention it if you feel that it will help the manager to get a better picture of you or understand you better. I have had some people email me and tell me that work was better once they had told the manager/person in charge and there was a better understanding. but I don't think it has to be mentioned in the interviews anyway!
Back in Stockholm and a vegan sweet potatoe pie recipe
Simple vegan recipe
I rarely follow recipes, even when i bake or make more time consuming dishes i just use recipes as inspiration but never weigh or measure and sometimes that leads to food disasters but other times it turns out great!! I've gotten this "not following recipes" trait from my mum, i dont think i have ever seen her follow a recipe exactly - she just uses it as inspiration!!! :)
Maybe you want to give some plant based dishes a try! But remember that most often vegan food contains alot of fiber which can lead to stomach discomfort in the beginning if your body isnt used to alot of fiber, but over time your body will adapt :)

Slow Cooker Butternut Squash Lentil Curry

Vegan nasi goreng with ginger tofu / Recipe




