Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Recovery outside of hospital - dealing with school stress- not eating enough - Answer

Hi Izzy, love your blog, thank you because you help so many people! I was wondering if you could please give me some advice- I came out of hospital a few weeks ago and I'm eating nothing/ eating very very little. I just want to go back to hospital because I am struggling so much- could you give me any advice? It so so hard to eat and drink and I am so stressed with my final exams for school coming up in a few weeks. I just feel like I need to be in hospital to turn things around so I can eat for my exams, but they won't admit me at the moment. I just want to go back but I can't! Thank you so much!

   I think its great that you realise that you are still struggling very much and that you need extra support and help to make you eat. It sounds strange that the hospital wouldnt admit you, though im guessing it might be due to waiting times or if you are a healthy weight/close to healthy weight.

First thing, i would seek help and support from family or someone around you? I dont know if you live on your own or with family, but it can be good to have someone close to you such as friends or family who can help you, someone who can eat meals with you.

But second of all, ask yourself why the hospital would make you eat? Sure, there are staff there forcing you to eat. But sooner or later you will be beack to reality again and have to eat on your own and have to cope with life. Being in hospital can be a comfort in a way as you dont have to deal with the "real life" problems, but also there is someone there making you eat.... its not you against your eating disorder, because in some form or another you will have to eat or be force fed. When you are at home on your own, it is just you against your eating disorder and you have more freedom. But you have to realise that whether at hoome or in hospital you will need to eat. The hospital can help but real recovery happens outside of hospital when you are living life and facing your fears. There are only so many fears you can face while in hospital, you still need to learn to cope with life, cope with stress, deal with fears outside of hospital, deal with fear foods and just to overcome your eating disorder.

I would suggest that you try to follow a meal plan (maybe you had one while in hospital?). Try to follow regular eating no matter what. No skipping meals. No forgetting to eat. No "im going to eat later". Instead you need to have a plan and follow that plan. You need to remind yourself that true recovery comes from the inside, and that eating is normal.... everyone does it. 

Ask yourself, how are you supposed to study or get the grades you want if you arent fueling your body properly? Your brain needs roughly 800 kcal a day and your body needs even more each day just to function and keep you alive. If you are starving yourself your brain and other organs wont get the energy they need and you wont be able to live the life you want or get the school results you want.

Is there maybe a school counselor you can talk to? Maybe someone who can help you cope with stress or someone you can talk to? It is so important that you reach out for help and not suffer in silence. But also remember that if you cant cope with school at the moment and it is making you relapse, then maybe you need to wait with school. School will always be there, you can always start studying again later, but your health shouldnt be priority one. Because sometimes you can't get your health back if its gone too far.

Your body needs fuel and energy - and ask yourself why the hospital would make you "Better" and why you can't do it outside of hospital? Because the truth is that you can... you can get better while not at hospital. The change has to happen in your mindset. You have to decide to eat because that is what your body needs. You have to decide to face your fears even if it scares you. You have to find coping mechanisms that work for your anxiety and guilt, find ways to cope without resorting to destructive behaviours. But also learn to relax.... stressing too much from school isnt worth it. It isnt the end of the world if you fail an exam or dont get the grade you want... life goes on and there is much more to life than school. You can not sacrifice your health or mental health just to get a good grade, because it really isnt worth it.

Start off small, start off with atleast eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. Maybe you can eat lunch with friends at school? And eat breakfast with your family or pack breakfast to eat in school if that is easier? And then begin to add snacks to your diet again, dont be scared of eating. Your body needs fuel and energy. And remember that there are more important things in life than how your body looks, try to focus on life rather than food or your body.  Treat your body right, take care of it and you will feel so much better!

I know this post might not be super helpful, but i do suggest you reach out for support in other forms, but also explain your situation to the hospital and see if you can be admitted again. But also realise that your goal SHOULDNT be hospital admission, your final goal should be to be able to live life and cope with life and be healthy - not to be stuck in hospital. One day, sooner or later you will have to eat on your own, live life normally... and its up to you how soon you reach that mental place. Its about you facing your fears, it is easier when someone forces you to face fears, but you also have to want to make changes for yourself and because you WANT recovery!

Here is a post about relapsing which might help: Beginning to relapse