Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, October 29, 2016

Life update

Hello,
   I am sorry that there hasnt been so many posts lately, i just havent felt great at all. I havent feel motivated to write and just felt like "if i have nothing positive to write, then dont write at all". This past week i have been filled with constant anxiety, and its weighed heavy on me. Its been impossible to get up in the morning, ive been consumed with anxiety from morning to evening, dealing with sleeping problems again, feeling constantly tired and have this knot in my stomach that has made it hard to eat. Not to mention that i have so much school work to do and i am so tired of studying - i just want my test over with now.
   Then today i went to look at an apartment and i dont think i will say yes to the room, as it didnt feel right for me but also the person renting the room wants me to move in next week and i dont think i can do that. After looking at the apartment i had so much anxiety and just wanted to break down and cry on the way home... the uncertaintity. Having to move again, having to find new routines, relocalizing myself. The pressure and stress weighing on my shoulders of having to find a new place to live and dealing with lots of school studies and just not feeling mentally so great or stable and it just felt like too much. I just wanted to break down and cry, wondered whether i should just give up studies, move back to Stockholm and have the safety of my parents and my home. But of course that is only my "last option", because i love Gothenburg and i love what i am studying. But i must admit that the change in weather and temperature is affecting me, the huge amount of studies is affecting me and i just want comfort and reassurance. I want somewhere i can live for a minimum of a year and not feel like i have to pack my things and move all the time... i mean change and change of routine is good, but sometimes i just want to settle somewhere and feel comfortable. But i guess this is just part of my life.

At the moment i have alot of things weighing on my shoulders. And just focusing on keeping myself happy and trying to do things that make me happy and keep me thinking positive. Its not always easy but im trying my best.

I am not replying to emails at the moment, i just dont have the time for it. I have so much university studies to do and i am just focusing on my own health and mental health at the moment. So even if i wish i could help you all, it just isnt possible - so hopefully you can all respect and understand that :)

Life isnt always easy, but hopefully this is just a little "phase" and not something long and outdrawn like last time.

7 comments:

  1. I just e mailed you before you posted this... I m so sorry. Stay strong sunshine it will get better. We are all here thinking of you from all around the world !

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  2. I bet everyone will understand that your health and wellbeing comes first girl!! It' ll always come first. Please keep in mind that this is YOUR blog. Your place to vent if you feel like you need to. No need to apologize in any way what so ever. Besides I really hope for you to feel better soon. It's very understandable to me that you feel like total shit with all this going on. Especially the uncertainty of your living place. Try to breathe and take things slow! Step by step. Don't let it become one big bunch in your head. In the end nothing is worth stressing over so much. Try to ask yourself: Will I really look back in 5 years and think it was worth it to get so much anxiety and stress over these life events? Of course, it' s not like everything can be made easy like that. Nevertheless it can be helpful to try to relativize things!

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  3. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, if it's any help, I felt the exact same way last week after messing up my test, having moved across 3 continents in the past year and feeling like I couldn't deal anymore. But after admitting this to myself a few friends I realized this wasn't only something people who struggle with anxiety and depression feel, all people feel the exhaustion of a restless lifestyle and the fact that you're doing so well despite all the hurdles is something to be proud of.You're not alone, sending lots of love

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  4. I am so sorry that you feeling so much pressure at the moment and are having a hard time with dealing with your anxiety issues. I wish I could say/do something to make you feel better.
    You could try prioritising things in your day to day life - like work out what are the essential things to do/be done daily and concentrate on those whilst cutting the rest out. Try to clear your mind and try not to worry over the unnecessary. It is important that you try to have time to yourself, to just chill and relax - so maybe sometime series watching? It is also important that you try to eat, so even if you are not up to making proper meals make sure you snack regularly and on things that you really like. Organise your study time into a set period so that you can say to yourself "right, I`m going to study for x amount of time then clear my books away because I`ll have done enough for one day" and stick to it - don`t go thinking that you haven't done enough or that you can just do x amount of time extra. Keep in contact with your family - make a point of phoning your mum everyday day whilst you are feeling like this. Talking to her worked for you before you moved away and will help you again now. It is vital you have support through this time.
    I really hope you begin to feel better soon and please don`t feel you have to struggle on with your feelings alone. People care about you and want to help you, so don`t be afraid to reach out for help. Don`t worry about this blog, this is your space to do what you want and it is quite understandable that you don`t feel like writing so much at the moment. People understand. You are only human and can only do so much, so don`t beat yourself up about unnecessary things. Your health and wellbeing are absolute priority so everything else comes behind those. Concentrate on what you have to do each day to keep you well and forget about the rest. You will have plenty of time for those things when you are feeling better and more able in yourself, and don`t feel guilty for it or that you are letting anyone down.
    I hope tomorrow brings a brighter day for you and you manage to overcome this stressful time soon. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that these difficult times will pass, you will get through it.

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  5. Hi Izzy - how are today? How was your weekend? I hope that you found some time to yourself to have a break.
    You know re reading your post maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if you were to take a trip back home to be with your parents for a while, even if its only for a few days or a long weekend. They will be able to give you the comfort and support you need right now plus you will be more able to talk to them about how you are feeling. If university and the stress that goes with living in a new city is really affecting you badly then would it be so terrible if you deferred your studies for a year and spent the time getting yourself back to full health again? It is not doing your health any good struggling on like you do. Please think about your options, you and your health must come first.
    Take care and be kind to yourself :)

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  6. I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. Anxiety is the worst feeling. I was crippled by it for years. It sounds trite, but you REALLY need to pull it back. Get in today. Get out of the future, it hasn't happened yet and who knows what it will bring. You're living days, weeks, even months ahead of the now, which doesn't do anything except cause massive anxiety. Pull it back. Stay in today. Any of us can handle the challenges of a single day. All we need to do is act in a way today that will contribute to a better tomorrow. Study a bit today, but don't focus on all the studying you still need to do. Find your gratitude in today, and dont worry about what you might lose tomorrow - none of us can possibly predict that. Talk to someone today that cares about you, because that gives us love and connection in the now. I hope you see what I'm getting at! These are all just words my counsellors and sponsor have told me - over and over til I got it, sometimes I will spin ahead of myself, and I will get these words again: "pull it back, get out of tomorrow and get in today. We can't control the future, we can only act in a way today that let's us get to our pillow tonight feeling satisfied with what we did", I don't need the lecture as much these days, but I certainly needed to hear it a bunch of times before it started to stick. Anxiety is a good way to kill our spirits - don't feed it. It's funny, as soon as I stopped obsessing about the future, my future became brighter. My days became more productive, because I only worry about what I can do today. I don't get that paralysed feeling anymore. Anxiety did not make me a better worker, a better student, or a better person. Letting go of my expectations for the future did those things. I am now able to take life on life's terms. I don't need to control it all, or have anxiety about trying to control the outcomes. What will be will be - and in the moment I will be able to handle it. NO ONE can handle the entire future without going nuts. We can all handle a single day, or a single moment. Just some words of wisdom that were given to me, maybe you can find some use with them, too :) Take care of yourself.

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  7. Hi - I`m not Izzy but I found comfort, sense and a lot of meaning in your advice above, something that will serve me well to remember myself. Thankyou.

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