Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, October 25, 2016

How to deal with christmas - eating disorder recovery - answer

I got an ask via email - and decided to publish my answer on here (but not the question for personal reasons and could be triggering)

The first thing i think you should ask yourself is why you cant eat the food? Its only you who is telling yourself that you cant eat the food or you cant allow yourself the food. But the truth is, you need to begin sometime. Sometime you need to eat more food, face your fears, eat more than you are doing now, eat fear foods etc so why not now?
 Its only you who is saying that you cant eat the food that the others are eating. I know this isnt what you want to hear... but you have to decide that you can, want to and will do it. If you keep telling yourself no, i cant do it, i wont do it etc then you cant and wont do it.

But you need to realise that the anxiety you may feel before/during/after, that wont kill you, and the food wont harm you or make you fat or anything like. Food is energy which your body so desperately needs.... how many Christmases, days, weeks, months, years do you want to waste and struggle and throw your life away? Do you want this to be your last christmas because your body cant handle with the stress and starvation and abuse it is experiencing?

The best way to deal with christmas and food is to eat... of course, its not as simple as that, i do know that. But set up aplan. Tell yourself that you WILL eat christmas lunch/dinner with your family etc and you will ALSO eat your other meals ASWELLas your supplement drinks. What is the worst thing that will happen by eating your fear foods or eating with others or eating more than usual?

What is it that you are so scared of happening? And what is so scary about that? DO you want to live your life with this anxiety and fear forever? What will happen if you eat, if you eat more, eat your fear foods?

And remember, its ok to cry, to panic but you have to pick yourself back up and be strong and try again. To eat, no matter how aawful it may seem. No matter what your ED is telling you. Things wont get better if you dont eat or you compensate etc until you begin doing the opposite of what your ED wants and being stronger than your ED, it wont get better.

Think, this Christmas could be the starting point of your actual recovery.... think how Christmas next year could be? You could be fully healthy, have a smile on your face, look forward to the Christmas lunch, the after lunch chocolate, the family time and delicious food that this season entails.

I know its tough, but compensating with the voice in your head isnt the answer.... telling yourself that you will only eat little during christmas lunch and nothing else, just to make the anxiety a little less, thats not how it works. Infact, as i like to see it... if you are getting anxiety you are doing soemthing right because you are doing the opposite of what your ED wants. And the anxiety wont kill you.... you just need a good coping mechanism. A mantra/motto, coping and calming skill you can use. 
Decide that you WILL eat. That you will try your hardest, no matter how hard it may be. Decide that you will do it, you will fight.

(this is a repost from 2014)


  1. Wow that's really early to wonder about Christmas already, haha! Though i do think it's a really good post Izzy! I remember so well when i was in the depths of my ED how extremely uncomfortable i felt during holdiays like Christmas, easter and other occasions like birthdays. Which i think is so sad.. But it helped me to not focus on the food aspect so much. Just think about what acitivities you will be doing with you loved ones, conversations, music, the tree etc. There is so much more than just food! Of course you know this very well just wanted to point it out for other hahah :p

    1. This is a repost answere from 2014:)

    2. Christmas will be here before we know it - its only two months away now and if its anything like this year in general has been like the time will just fly by! All the shops have their Christmas stuff out and advent calenders etc.... although I don`t feel at all "Christmassy" yet.
      We`re scaling it back this year, just doing one day of entertaining (Christmas day) instead of the normal two or three. We figured it would cut the stress if we can look forward to boxing day to do our own thing rather than get caught up in the rigmaroles of cooking all day. I do find the planning and arranging of Christmas very stressful and that spoils it for me. Every year I am glad when Christmas dinner is over because then the day gets easier - ie all the cooking and timing is finished. This year it would be nice to feel less stressed out!
      Does Christmas stress you out Izzy? How do others cope with everything that has to be done and organised? Or do you think its just one of those things that has to be got through?

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  3. Izzy, How are you going to deal with christmas lunches or diners now that you are Vegan? What are your family thoughts about it? And what about going to friends that are not vegan? Do you advise them in advance that you do not eat meat, fish, eggs, dairy are whatever so that they can preparer something at your attention or will you bring some of your own food?
    Usulaly I would mention my way of living, but sometime they do not want to make any efforts ... and they just tell me "Come by us but sorry there will be no vegan food so bring your own food"...I find it not very friendly especialy if they invite you but know that there will be nothing for you. Sometime it hurts me a little, I tell myself that well my attendance is not that important after all and hesitate to go...if I decide to go i would bring my own food of prepare a vegan dish that everybody can eat to show tham what it looks like and that a vegan way of eating is not boring bland .......well, well, well, well

    1. Ehhh, i have to disagree with this line of thinking. In fact, I'd cautiously suggest that th I is the sort of thinking that results in people kind of resenting or dismissing vegans. We make a personal choice about how we want to live. No one else should be expected to cater to this or even care. If I am invited to a dinner or event, I will immediately mention that I am vegetarian (or vegan, or gf, or whatever personal diet I a subscribe to) and ask if there will be options for me. I would also assure them they needn't make anything special for me, as it's the invitation that means something, not the amount of personal catering that matters. So, I would ask if they were planning to have a veg-friendly dish, and if not, I would take it upon myself to offer to bring something. Then, bring a delicious dish that others can share in if they want to. I don't feel I have any right or entitlement to special treatment or effort just because I have made a personal decision for my own life. I definitely would not be hurt by them not preparing something special for me - a LOT of people simply don't even know exactly what vegan food is, what's acceptable, or how to prepare it. Instead of feeling hurt, I would turn to gratitude and positivity: it's nice to be invited to something, it's lovely to share time with friends, and maybe it's an opportunity to quietly introduce a vegan dish to people who wouldn't otherwise have tried one. Plus, it's being a good guest to bring something to the table (besides hurt feelings). Keep in mind that veganism is a personal choice to make a small difference in the world. It is not a choice to be foisted into others; that is their own business, their own choice, and we can't expect people to cater to us like that. You can also give a few simple suggestions for easy vegan dishes, if the host IS interested in preparing something different for you. It doesn't have to be Us vs. Them. We need to take responsibility for our own choices, and not expect other people to jump on board.

    2. Ive answered in a post today :)

  4. If I was to have a vegan guest for a meal over Christmas I would make sure there was food for that person, even if it did mean preparing something specialy just for that person! I would take offence if it were me that had been invited somewhere but not catered for, actually I probably wouldn't go at all if that was the case.