Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, October 16, 2016

Everything happens for a reason

Hello and good afternoon!

Today has been a grey and rainy day filled with anxiousness and lots of sadness. I wish i could start the post in a better way, but unfortunatly i feels like i have spent half the day crying. This morning when i was talking with the woman i live with, she said that i need to move out in January (or December preferably) because someone in her family is going to move in instead. I understand her reasoning completely and i am not angry at her, but it was just so unexpected. I knew that i wouldnt live in the apartment forever and i have been looking for apartments, but it was just so unexpected. And its one thing to look for apartments/rooms but still know that you have somewhere to live, and another thing to look for apartments because you HAVE to find somewhere to live or you will be homeless.

After she told me that i felt so extremely anxious and sad. I headed to the gym, thinking that it would help me to focus on other things but instead i got there and 15 minutes into my workout i was almost in tears because i felt so anxious and missed home so badly. So instead i just put the weights back, headed home and took a long shower.... allowing myself to feel sad and cry today. As well as having a long talk with my sister and my mum.

I am trying to think positive and i know that things will sort themselves out one way or another. Some of you might remember in spring time when i had first moved out and only weeks later there was a water leakage in the apartment and i was told that i either had to move home again or move to another apartment with a much higher rent, because that was all that was on offer... and then i felt anxious and worried about being homeless again. But then i knew that i could atleast move back home and still continue with my studies even if it might 3 hours of travelling each day. Now i need to find somewhere to live in Gothenburg or end my studies and move back to Stockholm.
  But i am trying to think positive... i atleast have contacts in Gothenburg now and i can look at apartments or rooms for rent here, compared to when i lived in Stockholm and everything had to be done online as i couldnt just travel and look at the apartment. So i am trying to think optimistic and believe that things will work out... even if it means having short term living or moving around alot, someway or another things will be ok. And it is all life experience, it is extremely hard to find living as a student so i am lucky that i even got to rent this room and i still have 2 months to fix another room or apartment, so its not like i have 2 weeks, that would be much worse.

At the moment i just feel sad though and am looking at train tickets home to Stockholm soon as i feel that right now i just need my family and my dog. I'll see whether i travel back or whether i just wait until Christmas, depends on the price of the tickets and how i feel next week.

Today i am just going to listen to a bunch of podcasts and try to not think negatively. Everything happens for a reason and things could be alot worse, so i am not gong to be dramatic or feel anxious now, it wont help anything to break down. Being an adult isnt easy, but this is just part of life and things could be worse, thats what i am reminding myself of. And even if everything fails i can always move back home even if it means having to end my studying... everything happens for a reason.


7 comments:

  1. I've been in this boat before, Sunshine. My heart goes out to you, I know it's a daunting feeling. Best of luck to you

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    1. Thank you. Its defnitely not easy, but one way or another things will solve themselves!

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  2. Ikind of disagree with the statement that everything happen sfor a reaosns tbh. But that's just because i've been through too much shit these past couple of years and in my life in general i guess. However it's really good to allow yourself a good cry now and again! I totally get that you've felt like crap today after this unexpected news and also with the fact you didn't feel that good this week over all withthe depressed thoughts you mentioned in an earlier post.
    But girl, and i'm not saying this to belittle your feelings, there are so so many students with housing problems (here as well). It's actually part of the deal (of studying is what i mean). Doens't mean that it doesn't suck bad time though! Because it really does of course.
    The only advice i can give you for now is to stay calm, breathe and ask the people you know in Gothenborg for available rooms. Maybe there's Facebook groups as well where they offer rooms? We do have it here so.
    Wishing you all the luck Izzy! I'm sure you'll sort it out :)

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    1. Hahah sometimes i question the same after all the awful things i have been through in my life, but at the same time you learn and grown from them... if everything went according to plan or exactly like i wanted, then i wouldnt necessarily learn or grow from them. Of course, you would expect that things get better sometime or that there is a limit for how much awfulness one person can go through, hahaha. But at the same time you grow stronger from it.
      I know that things will sort themselves out somehow, but in the moment it felt so awful but i know that things will be ok even if they will be different yet again. I have my family helping me as well so thats good!! And of coruse there are different groups but none of them are so great for actually finding apartments or rooms to rent. -_-

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  3. Wishing you all the luck in finding a new apartment! Don't worry, there is always a way of sorting things out :)

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    1. Thank you, yes of course some way it will work itself out. I think in the moment it just felt so awful, i feel better today but its still an added press in my life.

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  4. Hope today brings better things for you:)
    I can understand what a shock having to move must have came to you and hope you are feeling a bit better about things. I firmly agree with you that everything happens for a reason and although it isn't always clear at first things DO have a habit of working out. Who knows your ideal living arrangements could be just around the corner! Try to stay positive and hang on to the fact that whatever happens you won`t be homeless, be it you end up living back with your family or you find somewhere to rent. Stay calm and don`t let this stress you too much.
    Hope you have a better rest of the week :)

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