Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Friday, October 21, 2016

Anorexia to bulimia (masterpost)

Going from anorexia to bulimia is something slightly Taboo to talk about... you pretend it doesnt happen. The person who is sick doesnt want to admit that they went from full control, barely eating anything to suddenly not being able to stop their binges. People around you pretend it doesnt happen, or they dont know... they are just happy that you are eating again. But not knowing what happens behind closed doors.

However this is something i want to bring up, that going from anorexia to bulimia is NOT uncommon. It happen and with more people than 1.

When you are so restrictive, and starve your body all it does is scream for energy... it wants food but you deny it that. Food is one of the basic things we need to survive and without it or minimal food we dont last long.
  Eventually there comes a point when you feel you cant be so restrictive, you are just too hungry and so you eat something and suddenly you cant stop. It goes from 2 slices of bread to 6 cheese sandiwches & 3 bowls of cereal with milk followed by 2 handfuls of dried fruit.
   The anxiety over this overwhelming binge, this uncontrollable thing gives you so much anxiety that you purge to get rid of the guilt and the food..
   and then you might begin restricting the next day, to keep from binging. But restriction just leads to more binging and purging and the cycle continues.
 Ive been there, ive been through that phase. The restriction, uncontrollable binging due to hunger and then purging from the guilt. Only to restrict the next day.

If you go through this phase or go from anorexia to bulimia DONT feel ashamed. I know its tough, its tough mentally as its going from complete control (or what you feel is contrl√≥l, though not really) to absaloutly no control and huge binges.
 Talk to someone. This is my best advice... thigns CAN get better, but going form one ED to another isnt good. Just like going from anorexia to orthorexia, its just changing weird eating habits.

The binging happens because your body is so starved of energy. It just wants food. You can find yourself binging on high carb or high energy foods... i binged on cheese sandwiches, cereal and dry fruit as i had begun restricting and cutting carbs from my diet. Which WASNT good.

Returning to a meal plan can really help you, as it structurres up your eating habits. You eat several times a day and you know when and what to eat. And to keep away from binging.
   For me, i had to get rid of the foods i binged on for a while and then slowly return them into my diet. But i felt i couldnt eat them in a normal amount.
   For some, they prefer to have those types of foods as more staple items in  their diet so that they DONT binge on them later, and others need to cut their binging foods fomro their diet completely. So find what works for you.

Also finding distractions wehn you feel you will binge... go out for a walk, talk to someone, do something with your hands or soemthing to get you using your brain such as maths or sudoku? :)

TALK to someone. Eat regularly and DONT restrict certain food groups, that wont helop you, Also making sure you eat enough. These things will help to stop the binging.

Dont feel ashamed or embarrassed, this is in your head, but also binging is physical if you have gone from restrictive eating. Your body and mind are starving, and then it goes from being starving to just not being able to control the binges, that you binge just because.

Dont get trapped in different eating disorders, instead fight to break free. I broke free from anorexia, my binging & purging phase and even from my exercise addiction. (and of course self harm and depression as well). I am free from all of that, it took years of struggle and years of recovery but now i am healthy, happy and free. And YOU can do it as well.
Just ask for help and support and fight the voice in your head!!!!


  1. This is really scary. I dread that I could go from one disorder to another - I hope that doesn't happen.
    But knowing why it happens is reassuring and the fact that you yourself went through it and manage to beat it is a comfort. If it happens to me I now know what to look out for and what to do about it.
    I just wish these days of struggling were over. It must be nice to be free and healthy agin.

  2. I`ve got a question that isn't really connected to the above topic but I thought I`d ask anyway.
    Why is it that when you are recovering you are given your lowest healthy weight and bmi to aim for? Even though that weight and bmi may be too low for you.
    This was my situation when I first started recovery and saw a dietician. She gave me a weight to aim for which turned out to be aweight I had never been at pre - ed days, it was very low. I thought I would be given a weight more along the lines of where I was before I started the ed which was both healthy and stable.
    It would be interesting to know the reasons behind this. Surely its better to aim for a healthier weight say in the middle of the bmi range rather than the bear lowest for your height/age?

    1. I think it depends alot on the doctor/dietician. I was given a lowest healthy weight as well. Some dieticians give a healthy weight bmi of 20-23 to aim for. Others just say that if the person reaches bmi 18,5 it's enough... but most often not alot.

      I think it's just that bmi 18,5 technically is a healthy weight (even if it's still low and might not be healthy or maintainable), and also because it might be easier to tell a person that they need to gain 5kg instead of 10kg to reach their healthy weight. This is just my guess, I'm not fully sure though. But I don't Rhian focusing too much on weight is a good idea; it's more than just weight gain and not tonly mention that the body will settle at a healthy weight and not just a weight you choose.

  3. I know what you mean about "taboo". When I told someone I had had AN, I felt I couldn't tell them that I had also struggled with binge-eating, and that that was also a problem for me. That was for their sake, not for mine. I felt like it was hard enough for them to hear that I had had AN, but that they wouldn't have been able to cope with hearing anything as "out of control" as binge-eating. ...