Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, September 19, 2016

What depression looks like

When you think of someone who is depressed, you might think about someone who looks very sad and low and doesnt get out of bed... but that isnt the case. Depression can be "Hidden" and not always seen from the outside. People can be very depressed and still push on with their lives and try to live their life and follow their routines and responsibilities to the best of their capability, though everything is just much harder to do when depressed.
While i was depressed i kept trying to live life.... go to school, go to the gym, food shop, try to make food or bake... but everything was so much harder. It wasnt fun and leaving the house could take hours in the morning. I had little to no social life, i spent my hours studying or lying in bed. I may have looked like i was functioning - like i had a good life (School and good grades, a "bright" future, a house and family that loved me, a boyfriend and i was always on top of things... working out, studying and updating social media. ) However in reality, i could barely get out of bed in the morning and relied heavily on caffeine to get me going. I had suicidal thoughts both day and night and used different coping methods to keep me from actually following those ideas/thoughts.
I even reached a point where i showered 1-2 times a week, barely brushed my hair or washed my teeth, it just took too much energy and i didnt see the point. Why care about my appearance when i just wanted to hide away and never leave my bed or my house.
On the outside i looked like i was functioning, but on the inside i was far from a functioning human being.
I didnt take many photos of myself or life in general when depressed, but i thought i would show a few photos that show, "what a depressed person looks like" i.e there are smiles but the real truth is a very tired and broken down person who is silently screaming for help.

I really didnt take many photos during the 18+ months i struggled with depression, but here are some of the pictures never shown before (or i dont think so anyway).. and behind the fake smile is the struggle.
In the photos i mostly see a lifeless and tired girl. Relying on energy drinks and trying to cope and not break down even further.







































To end the post i guess i should add some happier photos and a real smile :)






6 comments:

  1. During what was looking back the early onset of my depression I too kept going and appeared to be functioning but underneath I was far from well. Unfortunately for me I reached that burn out point and just broke, and was rendered virtually helpless for a while. I think I must have had some kind of breakdown where my mind and body just said enough was enough.
    I think you were incredibly lucky that you didn't reach this stage Izzy and that you managed to cope with your depression on your own as well as you did. I am so pleased that you now feel you are recovering but I will admit that I am shocked that you suffered with it to the extent that you did, and that you felt you had to deal with it on your own and keep it hidden away. I hope you never have to feel that way again and if you do feel the signs beginning again know that your family are there to help you and you must speak out.
    Thankyou for such an honest post. I hope you continue to feel better and enjoy life again and never see those dark clouds again. You deserve some happy times now but I`m sure with your strength of determination to get through this you will indeed see them. Take care :)

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  2. You are so brave for sharing all this! I really hope i cansayin the near by future that life without depression is so much better .. For now: Thank you! <3

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    1. Thank you. You will be able to look back one day and see how far you have come and to be able to truly feel happy again :)

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  3. Yes, being happy again is possible. For everyone who is struggling hang on to that. Time passes and things will get easier/better in time :)

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  4. Hi Izzy - one thing I was wondering was how on earth did you manage to hide your degree of depression from your family? How did they not notice the changes in you? Its one thing to appear to be functioning to the outside world, ie going about your usual business but at home??
    Hope you don`t mind me asking. And I too think you are very brave for sharing this, what must have been a very painful episode in your life.

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