Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

We all have our struggles, school stress, coping with stress

When you are struggling with some form of an illness it is so easy to get caught up in it and think that you are the only one suffering, or the only one going through what you are going through. And that is true... nobody knows exactly how you feel or what you are going through, but there are others struggling as well. When you have a mental illness you can feel so lonely... like nobody else understands, but the truth is... people understand more than you think most often. Of course there are people who are naive and have absaloutly no idea what it is like to suffer from depression, anxiety, panic, eating disorders, bipolar etc etc And of course some people who think that you can just "snap out of it" or "just smile/think positive" or "just eat" or that you are just being dramatic or silly, but i feel sorry for those people who have no empathy for someone who is struggling.

Yesterday morning after just an hour of talking/work on our group project one of the girls in my group suffered from a panic/stress attack. Nobody in the group really knew what was happening, but i noticed all the symptoms and from what she had told me earlier that 1) she hadnt been sleeping so well, 2) she hadnt eaten 3) she had felt very stressed over this project and anxious all weekend and 4) she had had a little too much caffeine. In the end she had to just lie on a couch and try to breathe and we had to call the medical team as the girl was almost hyperventilating as she was getting scared over what was happening. The medical team also said that it was most likely a stress/panic attack and that she had to just take it very easy and limit things like caffeine and smoking and try to find a way to cope with the stress.

The whole experience of seeing someone else suffer from stress/panic that way - when i have had the same thing, though i have always gone away/suffered in silence - just reminds me that i amnt the only one who finds school stressful or can find it tough with the stress and assignments. Though it also makes me a little angry at times when i think about how many people suffer from stress and mental illnesses due to school and how much pressure there is to "always be on top" and "get the best grade"...... i think learning is fun, that is why i go to university so that i can learn and get more knowledge about the topic i love and am interested in. But that means having to do tests and essays to SHOW that i have learnt... but i wish i could just learn and not be tested on it - that is what makes school not fun. Of course i dont know if i can blame school because not everyone suffers from too much stress or other symptoms related, instead they cope....  and from what i have learnt is that you need to LEARN to cope. If you are someone who easily gets stressed, then you need to find ways to cope with that so that you dont break down. It is a learning process, but in the end it is the only thing you can do because the stress will always be there whether its school or work or just societal standards and pressures. But it is how you cope with them that decides whether you break down or not.

Anyway, i kind of went off on a tangent there... but what i wanted to say is that 1) You are not alone with your struggles and people do understand. I.e dont ever feel ashmaed for struggling and dont be scared of talking to people about it. For example if you are doing a group project and know that you get very stressed if all the work is left to the last minute - talk about it, dont just sit in silence and struggle with that anxiety.
  Also know that you can recover from your struggles and if they are related to stress or anxiety, then you need to find ways to change your lifestyle and cope with the stress. Example, if you are very sensitive to stress then you also want to limit things such as caffeine, nicotine, too much exercise and other factors that stress you from the inside.

Your struggles are valid and you shouldnt be ashamed about them. But if they are struggles that you can learn to deal with or recover from, then focus on doing that and not just "settling". I.e dont just accept that you cant handle stress, instead find ways that you CAN handle stress even if it is a long learning process. I am still in the process of learning how I can best cope with stress and slowly i am trying to find what works for me so that i dont break down again or suffer from panic attacks and depression and basically all the symptoms of burnout and stress.

A long post, but remember to be kind to everyone because we are all fighting some type of battle!!!

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  1. Hello, Izzy. I've read your blog for a long time, you are one of the important reasons to help me decide to choose recovery. Thank you :)
    Now I've just started my recovery seriously (I tried and relapsed many times before cus I don't want to recovery by myself��) What happened is I started to eat a lot of snacks and sweets after didn't eat it for a year. Sometimes I keep eating and eating because I just want to eat it and stuffed myself too much. I understand and try to cope myself with the thought that this is extreme hunger, and I can say that I have just a little bit problems w/ this.
    But the problem is I always think like 'I have to gain weight, I can eat a lot. It's good' when I ate and that lead me to eating more. Is it good or bad that I think like this? I'm afraid that it will not balance, swinging from eating too less to too much, and turn bad to my health. How I should adjust myself? Please help me :'(

  2. Hi Izzy - that must have been really hard seeing that person suffer, I hope shes ok now. Life can indeed be very stressful and I agree with you that the answer is learning how to cope with it. I have noticed that stress effects me more readily these days and I`m trying to find ways of coping with it also. Trouble is that it tends to creep up on you. One thing I have learnt though is to talk about it and accept help from others, it really does make a difference. Before I would soldier on and do whatever it was on my own, but now I ask for help and that has helped me a lot. And talking about how you feel really helps too - and yes people can more often or not relate, which in itself is a comfort.
    Thankyou for such a thoughtful post. I hope your project is going ok and uni life is going well still.
    Life certainly is a learning curve isn't it :)