Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Should you move away from home/live on your own if you struggle with an eating disoder or depression?

Moving away from home is a rather big step and life changer for most people. For some it is a bigger deal that for others, and for some it is a scarier life change than for others.

Personally, moving away from home has never been a "big thing" or never been something that has scared me (of course at times before i first moved out it scared me, but after that it hasnt). Ever since i was 14 i longed to move away from home and live on my own... i even looked for apartments, but of course as a 14 year old struggling with an eating disorder and suicidal thoughts as well as locked up in an eating disorder clinic, there wasnt much chance that i would be living on my own in the near future. For the next 6 years i dreamed of having my own place, being independant and being an adult, and finally i got the chance to move away from home. At the time i was struggle alot with my depression and had been dealing with suicidal thoughts and lack of life motivation, but the change in scenery and the new life change was exactly what i needed. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, my life changed somewhat and i needed that life change to give me a little boost in life motivation. However it wasnt always easy living on my own and struggling with depression. I was stuck in my little depression bubble - i had no friends in the new area i was living in, i was constantly tired and stressed, low on energy, trying to find positives to keep me going. There were days i didnt have the energy to go grocery shopping or do laundry or clean my room, but they had to be done anyway. When i moved away from home i didnt call or text my family or friends, they were the ones calling and texting me, making sure that i was ok and i would only answer 20% of the time and most often just declined or ignored their messages.... living in my own little bubble. The introverted part of me loved being alone all the time, having no obligation to meet anyone, having no obligation to be social or to smile, just living in my own little bubble. And my depression meant that i was always tired and just did the bare minimum... i studied, i went to school, i worked out and did the basic adult things. At times i had energy and felt happy, other times i could barely get out of bed in the morning and spent my days from 9am to 8pm sitting by the kithcen table, studying.
Moving away from home both helped me recover from my depression, but also held me back from recovery. I needed the new change of scenery, i needed my time alone to just think and figure my life out and what i wanted in life, i needed to test to be an adult and to be independant and to do all the adult things and have no obligation to anyone else (well... i did have a boyfriend back then... but still). I didnt take the best care of myself though, i didnt take my medication, i didnt always brush my hair or eat the healthiest food, i was sometimes a wreck.

When i moved back home again (as my study time was done), i longed to move away from home again but at the same time it was sort of a comfort to live at home again. To see my dog everyday, to have people around me and to eventually talk about my depression with my mum and to get the support and help i needed to recover. It felt good to eat dinner with my family again at times. Of course my depression recovery was due to many factors and i wont get into that now. But over the summer i got better and now when i moved away from home again - and without deep depression, i am doing so much better and coping better with living on my own. I make sure to stay in contact with my family daily, take my medication daily and keep my room tidy and take care of myself and with a vegan diet that my body feels best from i get the right energy and nourishment to keep my body and mind healthy. Living on my own when i dont struggle with depression is so much easier/better than when i lived on my own and struggled with depression.

So after this long post, i will finally get to my opinion about living on your own while struggling with an eating disorder or depression.

My opinion is that you shouldnt live on your own if you are struggling. 1) Bbecause you need support and people around you. I know its nice to be on your own and have your own space, but if you live on your own it is so easy that you have "too much" alone time and that your thoughts take over. But also if you struggling with restrictive eating then you have others around you who make you eat or you eat meals together with so that you dont have to be your own "guard". It is easier to follow a meal plan and to rest when someone else is there making you do it. Also if you struggle with binge eating or purging, then you can sit with family members/whoever you are living with, until those thoughts and compulsion to binge or purge pass. But if you are on your own it is easy to just start binging and purging and no one is there to stop you.

With eating disorders and depression you most often want to be alone. You want to be stuck in your own little bubble where no one ruins your routines or habits, no one forces you to step outside of your comfort zone or change your habits. But that is exactly why you need someone to do that.... being on your own and suffering in silence wont help you recover, even if its "nicer and easier" and what your illness wants. If you are on your own and day in and day out suffer in silence and just follow your sick habits and routines, then it is much harder to recover and to change your ways because you have no "reason" or no one making you change your habits.

I personally wouldnt recommend that you live on your own or move away from if you are struggling with an eating disorder or depression. UNLESS your family/where you are currently living, is making your illness worse or is the cause of your illness... then it can be good to get away. Or if you feel that you CAN make a change while on your own, that you just need a change in scenery, that can be helpful but then you also have to be honest with yourself if you can cope on your own or not.

Moving away from home can be helpful for some, but i think that if you are struggling alot then it will just make your illness worse. Your illness wants you to be on your own, have no one interfere with your routines, but being alone wont help you at all... it can lead to you just getting sicker. So think about your reasons and motives for wanting to move away from home.

But also realise that if you are struggling alot, then maybe moving away from home to study might not be the best option. Your health should come first and school comes second... so if you have moved away from home to study but are struggling alot, then know that it is ALWAYS ok to move home again and get the support you need to recover. There is no shame in that. Moving home again and having support over the summer was exactly what i needed and now i am in a much better place!!

A very long post, but it was something i was thinking about this morning.

What are your opinons about this? Have you moved away from home while struggling with an eating disorder or depression? Did it help you or hinder you?

1 comment:

  1. Thankyou Izzy for sharing your story and giving such an honest insight into what depression was like for you. I didn't realise that you were struggling quite so much with your depression as you said you were when you first moved away, you kept that hidden well! I can understand how tough you found it though and think that in the circumstances you dealt with it remarkably well. Its good now though that you have the support of your family and this time around you are feeling a lot better and more able to cope.
    I think moving away on your own whilst suffering from depression is taking a huge risk because it makes you more vulnerable and want to stay within that "bubble". You need a good support network around you to get through depression and if you are living on your own away from home it is unlikely you will get that. You could say it will be a case of sink or swim, but what kind of risk taking is that - far better to get yourself well and then move when you feel strong enough to cope and enjoy the experience.
    I think you were very lucky. That and your sheer determination to see the positives in life even when you were feeling terrible, your strength of character probably saw you through your time away from home the first time. I am so glad you are in a better place this time around and enjoying it more. I hope you never experience those dark days again.