Making friends in a new school advice

Hey Izzy, I'm a freshman in high school. I transferred from a tiny private school to a huge public high school, and I already feel lonely three weeks in. I don't really have any friends. I have maybe a few acquaintances, but I only have one or no classes with them. I also have to eat lunch with my parents due to my ED some days, and I feel like that hurts my social life. I've introduced myself to some people, but it's never gone anywhere. A lot of the time, I feel like i"m just hanging out on the edge of a friend group but can't actually enter in. I'm just really discouraged and afraid my whole freshman year will be like this. Do you have any advice?

Hello,

   I know how tough it is to start a new school and feel like you dont fit into a group or never really make friends. Because it is one thing to say "hi" to people in your class everyday and another thing to have an actual friendship where you do things outside of school or talk outside of school - and i think that is what most people long for.

Unfortunatly i am not the best at making friends... i am usually the one who always feels like i am the outside of the group and never really connects, and it can take a while before i really feel that i am friends with someone. Being an introvert doesnt help with the whole friendship thing either as i am usually quiet and analysing and dont always make the first move, as well as needing alot of my own time so not always wanting to join in social events.

But from what i have learnt from my years of school is that 1) You have to just begin communicating with others. Because usually the others/groups of people dont even realise that you feel lonely or left out. You have to just begin talking to them, and usually the best time is during breaks or lunches - and then if you have to eat lunches with your parents that can affect your social life somewhat. I dont persoanlly feel that i can tell you to stop eating lunch with your parents, because if that is part of your plan and that is what makes you eat and helps in recovery then you need to do that. However if you feel confident enough that you can eat with others then maybe try sitting with some of the people in your class and eating lunch with them. 1) That can making eating feel more natural as the others are eating as well (as long as they arent triggering or making negative food remarks as that can just be the opposite of helpful)! and 2) it might help with you socializing and moving past fears ?

Try to smile and say hello to the person you sit beside in class and if you ever have any group assignments or "talk  to/work with the person beside you" then try to make some sort of connection with the person. At times it can feel uncomfortable, you dont know what to say to the person, but its better than just sitting quiet and not trying at all. 

When you start a new school and people are already in their groups and have their friendships it makes it very difficult to try to get into that group of friends, however if the people are nice and friendly they will realise that you are new and be open to the fact that you are trying to make a connection... if they ignore your attempts at communication or just seem rude or interessted - then they arent worth your time!!!

Keep trying to communicate and make conversation. I know how lonely it feels to go to a school and feel like you dont have friends at all, and then you see everyone else socializing and you just sit at home alone and have no friends to do anything with. But it CAN change, however sometimes you just cant make friends in school.... you arent alone in that. 

But i would also suggest trying a new hobby or group activity that gets you doing something fun that you enjoy but also talking to people who have the same interests as you. This is a very good way at making friends, especially if you start some type of "newbie" course where everyone is new and everone is looking to make friends/talk to others! So try something new and just really try hard to socialize and make conversation at the start, because that is when friendships and acquaintences build.

Hang on and know that this period of your life wont be forever. Even if you feel lonely or like you have no friends, it wont be that way forever.The school you are in is just temporary and for a stage in your life, later on if you go to university or start working you will meet more people that way and maybe build friendships in ways/places you wouldnt think. So dont give up :)

Post: Making friends as an introvert