Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: email@example.com
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
First university course completed and a glass of wine to celebrate (& talking about vegan alcohol)
It feels like the hours and days are just running away and my days are filled with things to do from early in the morning to late in the evening. But i am not complaining, as long as i get one or two hours in the evening to just lie in bed and watch a series/youtube, i dont mind having my days filled with things to do!
This morning i got up early, felt unmotivated and negative but decided to change my thoughts and just make the best of the day, and that was the best choice i could make because my day did turn out positive!
First up a walk to the gym and a short workout before i headed to school to finish up my notes for my presentation before the rest of my group joined me. And then it was some practise/run through of our presentation before finally, at 1pm it was time for us to present... however during the presentations (not mine) the fire alarm went off in the school building and we all had to evacuate. Several hundred students and teachers stood outside, not quite sure whether it was just a fire drill or an actual fire. But shortly after a fire car arrived, though it didnt seem like it was anything serious so eventually we all got to return into the building and then it was just to try to refocus and gather my thoughts again for my presentation.
Finally at 4pm our presentation was done and everyone in the class could sigh of relief that for now the first course of the progam is completed and all the stress that we have felt could be released. And what was the best way to celebrate? A few of us went to a bar to get something to drink and celebrate.
At first i wasnt super excited to follow with - the introverted and comfortable side of me wanted to just return home, to eat and lie down. But i knew that i needed to push past those feelings, now was my chance to really bond and talk with others from my class and make a better connection. And i had to remind myself that i have the whole Wednesday to rest, so now i needed to just step outside of my comfort zone and socialize more.
So i followed with and had every intention to just buy a redbull or a cola zero, but once i got to the bar i ended up buying a glass of white wine - it felt like a good time and to just be carefree. I dont promote drinking and i dont drink and in all honesty i dont actually like drinking on random occasions like today. I rather save my alcohol consumption to New years. But i made my choice, and well i had to deal with the spinning and dizziness i felt after just half a glass of wine. I really didnt feel so great and it was harder to hear, i felt like i would fall off my chair and i didnt dare go to the bathroom until we were leaving as i thought i would fall over if i tried walking.
Basically... i was reminded of why i dont drink, not even a little. Not to mention that the medication i take for my CF shouldnt be mixed with alcohol. Bbut i was reminded of why i dont like drinking, it is just a waste of money according to me and nothing i want to put into my body (even if i do think it tastes good, i dont want to put alcohol into my body and to feel so unstable.)
But also on the way home i began to realise that not all alcohol is vegan and then when i checked up the white wine i had drunk i realised it wasnt vegan. Which then caused a little anxiety, because i just contributed to animal abuse (in some form). Of course it wasnt on purpose and its not like i went and bought some chicken to eat, but still... i should have thought about it. But because i dont drink i have never had to consider what alcohol is vegan or not, but now i am going to make a list and remember so that next time i drink alcohol i will hopefully choose one which is vegan.
This is kind of a learning lesson for me. Because this is the first time i have bought something/consumed something none vegan since i went vegan months ago. And i need to realise that this doesnt make me less of a vegan or like a bad person. I made a mistake and i am not perfect, but i have learnt from my mistake and i didnt knowingly contribute to the animal abuse, and next time i can make better choices.
Of course some of you might think "wow she is over reacting" but i dont think i am. For me, being a vegan means not contributing to any animal abuse... its not just a diet. Its not just that i dont consume meat or eggs or dairy, but that i dont buy products tested on animals, i dont buy drinks or supplements which have animal products. For example the next time i get my hair cut i will make sure that the hair dresser uses products that havent been tested on animals, and the next time i get a tattoo i will make sure that the ink is vegan, and of course things like hair colour i need to be aware of whether its been tested on animals or not etc (So if you are thinking about going vegan, realise all of thse things aswell... if you just change your diet, you are just eating plant based and its not a lifestyle change). I do my best, but i am sure i will make other mistakes in the future, i am not perfect. but of course some of my CF medication contains animal products and in the future i hope that they wont, but i am not going to risk my health either. I want to do my best to not contribute to businesses that earn money on animal suffering/death.
Anyway, moving on... i just felt like i needed to write this out.
I had a great time with some of my class mates and it was nice to get that extra bonding time and out of school socializing. Making better connections with people, and of course with a little (or a lot for some people) alcohol in the system its more of a flowing conversation and lots of laughing and walls are broken down etc etc Next time though i am going to stay with alcohol free!
Also wanted to mention that alcohol definitely stimulates an appetite. I came home and it was like i had a black hole in my stomach - of course that wasnt just the alcohol, but it was like an unsatisfied feeling which i think was due to the alcohol! So extra food was eaten.
Just thought i would mention this, that if you are drinking you might feel more hungry (and its ok to eat more as well!!!) DOnt be scared and sit and feel super hungry, your body still needs energy and fuel when you drink. I can also mention that drinking on an empty stomach isnt a good idea, thats what i did today which contributed to the alcohol affecting me quicker and worse, but also to the extra hunger from not eating enough before drinking but also the alcohol.
So just a little note - but i am guessing its a well known fact that you should have food in your stomach before consuming alcohol!! :)
Yesterdays lunch! Vegan fish fingers on bread with ketchup, potatoe wedges and vegetables.
Lunch (in a box!) Oumph, cashews, vegetables, taco chuips and cheese sandwiches.
Potatoe fries yesterday!!