Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Evening thoughts

   At the moment i feel like i have alot of thoughts which i just want to write out and try to process so i thought i would do it on here. Or actually i wanted to vlog and just talk about all my thoughts, but as the walls are so thin and the woman i live with is at home i cant really talk/vlog, so i'll just write instead.

Today i have felt so tired of studying... it has only been two weeks of this course and i just want it to be over with (have two more weeks of this course left). Most of all i just find this course boring and unmotivating, i know it will be beneficial to me and my future studies but i dont find it fun to study this course and it just makes studying feel unmotivating and unrewarding in some sense. But also at the moment i just want to travel... i just just want to work for a few months and earn lots of money and then travel for a few months. I want to work in different places, experience and see new places.... see the world. Not just go to university and study... especially not study a course i find boring. It isnt so strange that i am feeling this way, considering that i have been studying since 2012 (had a study break from 2010-2012 due to my eating disorder, but before that i had been in school from 2000-2010, and then 2012-2016 i.e i have been studying/in school for 16 years). I think most people reach a stange in their life when they get tired of school and tired of studying, some people feel that way earlier and others later, but i dont think its an uncommon feeling. And i know that for me personally, i am just feeling this way because the course i am studying is uninspiring for me... and because i just want to work and earn money at the moment. I know these feelings will pass... and i might apply for a weekend job if i feel that i can manage it, because i want to work.... but i also dont want to overload myself with "Have tos" either. I feel like i am a very much "all or nothing person" with everything in my life... that either i do  things 100% and do everything at once, or i dont do anything at all... or i get overwhelmed by everything i have to do that it just sort of paralyses me, haha. So basically i want to do everything - study, travel, work, blog/social media but at the same time it all becomes too much and i end up doing nothing. Need to find that balance in all areas of my life.

Anyway... moving onto my next thoughts. I miss my dog so much..... It was her 8th birthday yesterday and i looked back at old pictures and miss her so much. I guess i will see her during Christmas, if i dont travel to Stockholm earlier. But so far, missing my dog has been the worst thing.... :(

At the moment i think i am just feeling a little lonely as well... a little unmotivated with life as well. Liek all my goals are so far off or they feel like they arent realistic goals right now, so i just feel a little lost - like i dont know what goals i have in life. No short term goals....

I guess i have had too much time to think and overthink, and i need to do more in my life. Not just get stuck in the "study, workout, school, eat" routine, but instead do other things in my life. So hopefully i can feel like i make better connections with people in my class and that we cando something together or go out and take a drink or meet up outside of lessons and such (and not just studying, haha).

For now, i am going to make myself a bowl of oatmeal, call my sister and then do some last minute revision before my test tomorrow and hopefully i will feel more enegetic, motivated and more like myself tomorrow!!


  1. Aww Izzy reading this made me so, so sad :( I really hope you are ok and feeling better soon..loneliness is one of the hardest things to have to deal with, I have found. Be compassionate with yourself and do not push yourself too hard wuith youir course. Really hope things get better for you

  2. Sorry you`re feeling a bit fed-up with things at the moment :( You know that's pretty normal - after all the upheaval of moving and trying to settle into a new place with new routines and people when things "calm down" somewhat you can feel a bit deflated. I`m sure this will pass soon but I know its tough going whilst it lasts.
    It probably doesn't help things that you don`t find your studies particularly interesting right now - that can make you feel pretty unmotivated and wondering why you are doing it at all.
    Try and hang in there and know that this period will pass and you will again feel motivated and energetic about things again. Don`t over think and stress yourself about things you cannot change, instead just concentrate on doing something you really like/enjoy each day which will give you an incentive to keep looking forward instead of dwelling on things.
    Perhaps you could phone your mum and have a chat with her about things? I`m sure that would be a nice thing to do and talking to her has helped you in the past.
    What topic are you studying at the moment and what are you due to study next? How is the social scene at uni, are there any groups/clubs/activities you can join in with?
    Its early days yet so don`t be too hard on yourself. Take care:)

  3. Ack, this post just described how I felt all last year. So much I wanted to do that I ended up doing nothing. Feeling worse and worse about being paralyzed, but stuck in my work-work-work rut. I ended up talking about it and writing about it a lot in my recovery circles, and eventually came to the point of taking action. I looked at my "life dreams" journal and picked a couple things that I could actually take some action on. I wanted to hit a few "categories", like personal development, travel, life enrichment. The big things (like "see south america") are not within reach right now, but "do a multi-day hike in every province" is something more manageable to start with. So I planned my hike in my own province and made the reservations. I want to learn to play an instrument, so i took the first step there too. I bought a fiddle and signed up for weekly lessons. And I wanted a social circle, so i made a plan to connect with a recovery friend once a week, to start building more meaningful relationships.

    I guess, long story short, I was tried of feeling stuck and yearning for a bigger life. So I picked some stuffI always wanted to do, broke it down to manageable steps, and just started doing the first step. All of the things that feel so big and unreachable, it's all just a case of figuring out what the first step is, and doing it. And figuring what can be done around your work or school commitments. Being stuck in a job or in studies doesn't mean everything else has to grind to a halt. We maybe can't take off for a big adventure right now, but we can certainly still move forward with personal goals. A weekend job to sock away money for the big stuff would be a good step, too, if you can manage it. If work on top of school is not right for you, then hold off on the big stuff for now, there is lots of time yet.