Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Being judged for having an eating disorder

By having my social media and opening up about my story and my past struggles, i have also opened up for comments, both positive and negative ones. I've opened up for judgement and critique from people who dont even know me, but think they do because of the text i write and photos i share, or just because i am a "public person".

A reason why i dont tell new people in my life about my past struggles with an eating disorder - and everything else that was involved with that - is beause i dont want to be judged. I am sure many wouldnt judge me negatively, but at the same time their opinion or their view on me could change. For example i want to be able to eat a salad without someone judging me because of my past and thinking that it is an eating disorder making me choose a salad at a restaurant. I want to be able to go for a run in the morning before breakfast before people jumping to the conclusions that i am restricting myself and trying to burn calories. I want to say that i am vegan without someone thinking that it is just an eating disorder, and i want to be able to say that i love working out and eating healthy without someone jumping to the conclusion that i have developed orthorexia. I want to be normal and like everyone else, which is what i am in my "real life". I am just like anyone else... there are no body comments or remarks about weight gain or weight loss, and the only comments i get about my food is asking for vegan food advice or how to cook certain food or make vegan food taste good or what vegan options there are. I do of course get regular comments about the amount of food i eat, but those dont bother me and i have learnt to deal with them becuase most new people i meet and eat food with comment about my portions or combination of food!

Online however i can get comments telling me that i have just gone from anorexia to orthorexia, or people commenting about my weight and my body - as if it was any of their business - commenting about the food i eat and what i should eat or shouldnt eat, about my portion sizes etc  They dont really bother me, i just get used to them and well... when i post pictures of food, of course there will be comments about it. Bbut sometimes it bothers me when people so freely comment about my appearance, whether it is to say that "i look too small", "i have too little fat", "i looked better when i didnt have so much muscle", "i looked better when i was even skinnier", "am i even a healthy weight?", "am i even healthy/recovered from my eating disorder" etc It just seems unnecessary to comment about my appearance. I look the way i do, and i am a healthy weight (though i dont weigh myself at all if i amnt at the hospital and need to be weighed). But also a healthy mind and a healthy lifestyle/life.

If i hadnt mentioned or been so open about the fact that i have struggled with an eating disorder i dont think people would comment things like that on my photos - or personally email me and attack me. (Yup, thats happened -_-' Or people who personally email me and tell me all the reasons they hate me or dislike me and what i do ? ) I would just be "another online person" who workouts and eats a vegan diet. I dont think people would so freely comment and say "im sick" or "i look too skinny" etc if they didnt know i had once had an eating disorder.

However, i do also find that when i am with my family i am not really allowed to comment "i am so blaoted" or "i feel huge today" or even to be happy when i see some type of progress from working out (I may not workout for appearance reasons, but i am not going to deny that it makes me happy when i begin to see more back muscles or my arms begin to look bigger. ) Whenever i do make comments like that (which happen 1% of the time) my mum always comments back with "You shouldnt be so body focused... your appearance doesnt matter". And i am well aware of this... this is what i preach on here, but at times i wish that i could just make a comment about my body and not be reprimanded for it. I.e i should be able to say that i am bloated or look 8 months pregnant, or fish for a compliment about my body without being told i am shallow or negative or not allowed to do that - purely because i have struggled with body image problems in the past. Whenever my sister comments about her body she was never told that she was "body focused" or "shouldnt complain/talk about her body" instead she would just get lots of compliments about the way she looked, whereas i dont get any... hahaha (do i sound jealous?!!!)


Anyway... a ver long ramble. But i guess i just wanted to write, that in a way i will always be different and judged because i have had an eating disorder. There are things that make me different from my friends, such as i AMNT as focused on my body as others are, i have more balanced eating/thoughts about food compared to friends (or thats how i feel anyway), am more of a positive thinker etc but i can write about that in another post maybe!


Do any of you feel the same way about being different and judged because of having/have had an eating disorder? Or like you get more comments about your body and food compared to others?





9 comments:

  1. Izzy, what you're writing is so important and I think many can relate to it. I just recovered from bulimia and an exercise-addiction, but somehow I feel like no one really believes me when I say that I am recovered. When I first told my parents that I wanted to eat more vegetarian food, they were so scared and said No, you are eating your meat, young lady. After lots of arguments and many conflicts, I finally showed them that vegetarism is a choice and not a restriction!
    And I also don't like to eat breakfast the minute I wake up, I normally wait an hour or so and THEN have my breakfast, but my parents thought that I was just trying to skip breakfast even though I wasn't...
    This comment is a little messy hahah, but my point is that you are not alone! I get comments like "Are you sure you're full?" and "What did you eat today?" ALL THE TIME and it bothers me like crazy, but they're just asking because they care <3 They just want the best for you and even though they can be a pain in the ass, they do it out of love <3

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  2. Hi Izzy :) Sorry, this doesn't really relate to the post as I'm in a hurry this morning but I was wondering, how do you go without eating for medical purposes? Like on Friday I'm not going to be aloud to eat for 8 hours before getting my wisdom teeth out but I literally can't go without eating or drinking for 2. The surgery's in the morning but still, I like breakfast in the morning (sometimes I feel like the only person with an ed who always consistently eats their breakfast haha). I also get lightheaded and headaches when I don't eat for a little. Advice?

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    1. I am so sorry i never replied before your operation :( But i have answered you in a post now, in case you eever have to fast again or if others have the same worries.
      I hope the operatoin went well and you arent in too much pain.

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  3. Dear Izzy, thank you for this post. I do struggle with these things a bit. I find it hard to disguise my ED history from people for very long, because even where they might not have thought of it or noticed, I end up getting so scared that they will that I end up acting publicly in ways that are far more disordered than I probably would if I were on my own. Making the worst happen, because I fear it so much. People are kind, but it winds me up, and it is all of my own making. You do a much better job than I do of living free from that in your offline world. I am sorry people are critical and suspicious about your ED-health online; I think you do also help a lot of people. Take care, and have a good afternoon.

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  4. I feel exactly the same! I always get this feeling from my family and anything remotely not unhealthy I do - like eating some strawberries or going for a run they immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm going downhill and completely obsessed again! And I understand that they'd worry but they always make stupid, angry comments instead of actually letting me explain that it's not like that or actually listening to me. And I always feel judged or even restricted to the point where I can't have what I want at a restaurant just because its a 'salad' (even though more often than not it's probably got just as much/more calories than other things on the menu)

    I think it's completely outrageous that people would send you messages and comments like that, and you're probably right they jump to that conclusion on the knowledge of your past, but it's as if people don't believe in recovery and that people can have a healthy relationship with food and exercise after having an eating disorder. It's good that you can accept and ignore petty people comments online but I get how difficult it can be and how more difficult it is in person with family/friends.

    Thanks for sharing, I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets frustrated about this.

    Josie

    JosieVictoriaa

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  5. Oh my word. I literally just got an email from my mom now (I'm away at university) saying that I need to remember to eat enough healthy fats and carbohydrates, etc because the brain uses lots of energy. The thing is, I know this and I do eat a wide variety of foods. I guess it's just her being concerned but I can guarantee you my siblings don't get the same type of messages. Like for breakfast, I prefer cold foods eg yoghurt and fruit and nuts or cereal. But my family thinks it's an excuse to avoid cooked and therefore 'unhealthy' food. Yet, while being at uni, no one knows about my past and wouldn't even think to comment on the temperature of my food. I know it's usually coming from a place of concern, but it becomes quite tiring having to defend your decisions and actions constantly to people. Really, at the end of the day, the only person who has a truly healthy relationship with food is a baby. Otherwise we're all a little odd. It's okay to be odd, so long as you're being good to your health at the same time- or at least that's my opinion.

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    1. I guess are parents are just worried and caring and might not realise that the extra attention isn't necessary. But as long as we know we're healthy that's the important thing. And as you wrote, I guess everyone is a little odd and has a different relationship to food and/or exercise but as long as you know yourself that you are healthy it's OK!

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  6. You have inspired me so much with your ED recovery and have made me want to try to get better myself. I always feel judged about anything I try to eat and constantly receive messages from family and friends asking if I have eaten enough (as I live away from home). I have only shared my ED story with people that I completely trust, as well as in my blog, as I can't stand feeling like people are judging my every decision and action. You are an inspiration and I cannot thank you enough for you wonderful blog. Becky xx

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    1. Thank you, I'm glad ive been able to help :) you shouldnt feel judged about eating food around others, remember that everyone eats and needsee energy. Food is fuel and important.
      It's great that you want to recover, I would suggest seeking treatment as that is very helpful and a "support team" which can help you recover :) keep fighting and know that it will get easier and better in time! :) recovery is worth it, I promise.

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