Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Back into the routines of studying & recent eats and thoughts
At the moment it feels like i have alot i want to write, but each time i plan to write my brain just tells me that what i am going to write is irrelevant or unnecessary. It feels like i need to just write advice posts all the time or always answer questions and such, but i dont always have the inspiration for it... so sometimes i guess there will just be more personal posts. But whenever i write personal posts or about my life i feel like i need to write 5 advice posts to make up for it....
Its hard to write advice about an eating disorder when i am so far from an eating disorder and the everyday things you struggle with are thoughts i no longer have and dont really relate to anymore. But of course i still want to help... though i am going to try to get back to my "depression topic series" i had begun with, but i felt that it was a little too early in my 'recovery' to begin writing about it. But now if i get the time i might write or talk more and give more advice about depression and self harm recovery.
Anyway, jumping into my day which started at 5.30am. I hate rushing in the morning so i give myself 60-90 minutes each morning and even then i sometimes leave things to the last minute i.e brushing my teeth and hair!
My morning was not as great as i had thought it would be, because i noticed around 6.45am that there was a random man walking around the building outside and he kept staring right into my room as i was in there getting ready. The man was holding a beer bottle and looked intoxicated so i was a little scared of walking out alone, but also that he knew where i lived and i didnt want him to see me leaving the house. But eventually i had to just leave and when i was crossing the yard the man began to shout things at me and then he began following me so i half ran to the tram and hoped that he wouldnt follow me all the way. It was definitely an adrenaline rush and not in a good sense, i tried calling my sister as i just wanted someone to talk to as it is a little unsettling for things like that to happen. But also that apparently one of the neighbourhood apartment buildings is owned by the community and so there are certain people who get those apartments as they would be homeless/have been homeless... and well, those neighbours arent the most friendly to walk past and 3 days in a row i have had different people call things and wolf whistle and such when i walk by... :(
But otherwise, the apartment and area i live in is good, apartment from there not being any forest or park where i can run or go for powerwalks :(
Moving on... that was my morning, which was followed by 3 hours of sitting in school and doing assignments and lots of writing. And i am still not done... one of the questions i dont understand at all so going to try talk to someone in my class and see if i can better understand the question. (Why do universities make it harder than necessary by having questions which are pretty much incomprehendable?)
After those 3 hours my mental energy was gone and i couldnt focus anymore so i thought "should i head to the gym ?" i was super undecided - and that doesnt happen often because 99% of the time i am like "Hell yeah, its gym time!!!". But i decided to atleast go to the gym, eat a banana and see how i felt then and i am so glad i did because even if it was a short workout it was a workout which was much needed. To just focus on other things than school work or "have tos" or "musts". But instead just have a break from all of those thoughts!!!
And then after that i had somethings to do in town (and i ended up walking around in circles for a while, trying to find the place!), but while i was in town i was stopped by a news camera team who asked me if i wanted to try the new "carbonated milk".... i was so shocked so all i could say was, "no thanks i am vegan" and then keep walking. (and the news people began laughing as i walked away, haha) But i wish i had said what i really thought about the dairy industry... but i guess my answer was enough, no idea if i will actually be in the newsclip or not. Most likely not as my response wasnt the one they wanted!!
And after that it was home again, eat lunch, continue writing on my assignment, watch Youtube, eat a snack, buy groceries for a week (i.e 3 days because i eat so much... hahah), watch youtube, eat dinner and now laundry!!
It has been one long day and i am looking forward to tomorrow when i have no lectures and dont need to do things like laundry or food shopping so i can have 100% focus on getting my assignments done and also finish all the reading i have to do!!
It feels good being back in university, but it is also very tiring and the constant studying and looming assignments which i hate, but trying to find the balance this term. And also breaking up the study sessions with gym sessions is a great way to have a break and feel more clam and focused again.
Anyway, for now it is time for me to eat my last meal of the day and continue with my laundry process!!
Below are some of my recent eats:
Soy yoghurt with pitaya powder, berries, banana and store bought cookies!!!
Vegetables, soy meat, vegan cream cheese, a banana and 1kg potatoes!
Lettuce leaves with lentil soup, baked potatoes and fake meat!
My sister sent me this photo.... Daisy is spending alot of time lying in my bed now that i am gone :( :( :( Miss her soo much.