Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, September 5, 2016

Answer - Struggling with recovery at home treatment centre

Hi, Izzy. I've been following your blog for a while now, though I've never commented before. I have been struggling with anorexia for a little more than half a year, but thankfully my parents caught it 3 or 4 months in. We have been trying a family-based recovery (where my parents feed me) instead of trying inpatient/outpatient treatment, though I was sick enough to be hospitalized due to my heart. I have reached a half-recovery point and am pretty much weight restored, although I recently had a two pound drop. The problem is, I can't seem to get rid of ED thoughts, and I don't feel like I am making any progress. I am still afraid of high-fat/sugar/calorie foods despite my parents having made me eat things like Hagen Daz ice cream several times. I have started exercising again, but my relationship with it is mixed, sometimes using it to burn calories, other times playing soccer to enjoy it, etc. I still struggle a lot with eating more than others, especially since I don't need to really gain much more weight, and so my ED tells me I don't actually need the 6 meals a day I'm getting. Worst of all, my relationship with my mom and dad has become strained, especially my mom. We get into fights a lot, and she feels like I'm not opening up enough, as I have a hard time sharing my emotions around food. My ED often makes me say hateful and unreasonable things, as my parents are the one feeding me, which doesn't help the constant tension. I just never really feel happy anymore, and I'm discouraged because even though I've achieved a relatively good weight, the disordered thoughts are just a loud/louder. I feel like I'm really affecting my family and our relationships. Sorry for such a long post, but I was wondering if you had any thoughts/tips/advice on making more recovery progress. I am also wondering if a residential treatment center could be best for everyone's mental health, including my own. Or are those only for people who need to gain weight? Thanks so much, and I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog.

  I am so sorry about my late reply and also sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. Recovery from an eating disorder isnt easy, but remember that it IS possible. But also remember that an eating disorder is a mental illness so even if physical weight gain is necessary for some, it doesnt mean that a person is magically recovered just because they reach a healthy weight - even if reaching and maintaining a healthy weight is a part of recovery and shouldnt be ignored.

My first suggestion is to open up. I KNOW how scary that is, i am the worst at opening up about my own feelings and thoughts to even the closest people in my life. But i can also say from experience that it is the most helpful thing in recovery. Your parents are trying to help you, but if you dont open up and say how you are feeling or what they can do to help or what they do that doesnt help you, they wont know. You need to have a communication but also i think setting up rules. During recovery you may feel like you hate your parents, or whoever is making you eat and rest and face your fears, but they are doing it because they care and want you to get better, so whenever you feel that hateful feeling towards your parents try to remind yourself that they are trying to help you, and it is your eating disorder that is trying to KILL you and hold you back in life. It is your eating disorder making you say the spiteful things and think the awful thoughts, and when you begin to fight against your eating disorder, when you begin to face your fears and restrictions eventually the eating disorder thoughts will fade and lessen and you will feel more like yourself and have your own thoughts back again.

Inpatient treatment is usually for those who need to gain weight - as i have understood. But i think therapy or some form of therapy could be a great option. Then you can talk to someone and they can give you advice and suggestions, or even try CBT training as that is supposed to be very helpful. If you are struggling you need more help and that is ok, and treatment is a great option and can support you. HOWEVER the hard work and recovery has to come from you. I.e you can go to therapy or be an inpatient or try different recovery techinques or people forcing you to eat, but unless YOU decide that you want to recover and that you need to recover and begin to face your fears and restrictions - you wont recovery. It is YOUR choice always and you need to fight your eating disorder and want to recover and decide that a life with an eating disorder and constant struggle isnt really a life, its just surviving.

Maybe take a few moments to sit down and think about all the reasons you want to recover, all the positives about recovery and all the awful things about your eating disorder. Or what your eating disorder has kept you from doing, such as maybe missing different events in life, saying no to delicious food, missing out on school experiences because of anxiety or guilt etc Find your reason to stay motivated in recovery and want to recover for yourself!

Also try setting up goals with your family. Such as that 1 time a week you face a fear food, or you only workout 2 times a week and no more, Then maybe you can have rewards after reaching the goals.

And most importantly remember that even if you are a healthy weight you still have an eating disorder. You have a mental illness and that can't always be seen on the outside, but your family are trying to help you, so do talk to them. Opening up and communicating is such an important thing in recovery and can help alot!! Dont disregard your own struggles because you are a healthy weight, that just means that physically your body is healthy but mentally you still need help and you still need to fight that voice in your head and you need to face the fears and do the things that scare you. There is no other way in recovery... you just need to push through the tough times and face all those fears. It will get better and easier over time, i promise!

There is nothing wrong with eating ice cream, there is nothing wrong with eating 6 times a day, there is nothing wrong with eating burgers and fries, there is nothing wrong with not exercising for 2 weeks, there is nothing wrong with enjoying food with friends and family, and there is nothing wrong with having a healthy body. Focus on self love, facing fear foods and communicating your thoughts with your family.

It can get better, but only if YOU make it better! Either you keep struggling for the next few months or years until you eventually decide that you need to recover, and by then you have wasted x years of your life. Or you can decide now that you NEED to and WANT to recover and that means that YOU have to fight against the thoughts and even if it causes anxiety and guilt, it wont last forever and you will look back one day and be so proud that you kept fighting and made your life better!


  1. Hey Izzy, thanks again for such a motivating post. You are such an inspiration to those of us still suffering the battle of anorexia.
    I have a question for you, and I really hope you can answer. You said you had purging tendencies for a while during anorexia, and I would really like to know how you handled this. I am currently recovering from anorexia, increasing my calories and trying to stick to a healthy “recovering” meal plan. But since I started gaining weight, the well-known fear of losing control sweeps through me, and I get this urge to purge, even after a normal or even a small meal. And when I react to that feeling, it happens quite a few times that day. Do you have any advice on this? Will the urge to purge (even though I’m not binging) go away as I progress towards recovery? How did you handle the purging tendencies? Will I ever be able to eat a normal meal and not think: “get it out get it out”? Do certain foods/tricks/more weight help to stop the purging? Hope to hear from you soon.

    1. Thank you :)
      I have answered you in a post now which i hope helps you. You can beat your illness and you can stop purging, but it takes time and hard work and coping with alll those feelings, but it is possible!