Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, September 24, 2016

36 hours with my parents in gothenburg

Hello :)
Update time from me!!!

The past 4 days from Monday - Thursday I don't think I've ever felt so frustrated at other people in my life. I don't easily irritate myself over other people and easily let things slide, sometimes this is good and sometimes not.  But with this group project I have been doing its basically me who has done 90% of the work. From Monday to Thursday I spent a total of 30 hours in school working on the essay  - so it's safe to say that I was feeling super mentally tired and had this built up irritation within me. The project is still not done, so I'm going to have to sit this weekend on my own and do some work. However we had decided to have Thursday evening and Friday off as 3 of the group members travelled to their hometown on Thursday and my parents arrived in gothenburg on Thursday!

It was such a nice break to get the 36 hours with my mum as well as not stressing over the project. The past 36 hours I've eaten at a bunch of different places with vegan options on gothenburg... but I thought I would just do a seperate post about all the places so if you ever visit gothenburg and want to eat vegan you can look at that post for tips! Or if you are just interested in what I have eaten hahaha.
  The time spent with my mum I felt like a princess as she had secretly planned Friday which included a sports massage for me (which was relaxing but also painful... and apparently I have lots of muscle tightness for being so young. Though that didn't surprise me hahaha. ) I find it so hard to treat myself or have others buy me things or treat me to things  (that's why my mum didn't tell me about the plans as she knows I would have said no otherwise) but I tried to not feel guilty over being treated to a massage and instead try to tell myself that i was worth it. Even if i personally didn't feel that way.
Massage is something I rarely go to, for a number of reasons and one of them is that 1) I don't like close contact or people touching me and 2) not being super confident when others see me half dressed, hahahahah.  But in all honesty going to a massage definitely helps with both those things.  So even if I always feel super nervous and tense and unwilling to go to a massage I always realise afterwards that it isn't so bad. So if you're like me and hate close touch or don't feel so confident in your body/showing your body... maybe try going to regular massages or have others massage you to get over those fears  :)

Otherwise Friday was spent mostly eating and resting. I started the day with breakfast buffet with my mum (and there were lots of vegan options there), then a massage followed by some walking around gothenburg and then we went to a vegan lunch buffet  (where the food was soo good!), and then we went to a spa where I basically just fell asleep in a chair( hahahah) and ended up feeling dehydrated, dizzy and nauseous  (too much salt, too little water in my body combined with lots of heat from the spa = bad combination!) And after that we took a  drink in the bar and then walked around gothenburg and ate dinner and we were going to go for a vegan donut with ice cream but their ice cream machine was broken :( so instead we just went for a coffee before my parents then took the train back to Stockholm!

It's always a little sad when they leave but the worst is to see my mum so sad when she leaves. She had tears in her eyes and I knew that she just wanted me to jump on the train and move home again, haha.  My mum does worry alot about me and both my physical and mental health.  I mean just a few weeks before I moved she told me I shouldn't as she didn't want me to struggle or suffer and be so far from home. But the truth is I feel great in gothenburg and I like living here, I think it would have been harder to see my parents leave if I didn't feel comfortable living in gothenburg. I know many students get home longing when they move away, but as I enjoy my life now (mostly!) And am so adaptable I don't have so much home longing. But it was nice to see my parents again and spend time with them!!! But now it's back to school focus and to get this project done!! I have now had time to rest up and eat lots and its time to get back to normal again!!! Less then a week left until i begin my next course which will be about nutrition and i am looking forward to it, even if that course will include lots of work and seminars according to my schedule, but thats university!!!


  1. Glad to know that you had this break! Is this the same spa you went to with your mom last time? Also you and your mom look so cute together hahaha xo

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  3. What a lovely time you had with your mum, it must be so nice to have such a close relationship with her.
    I`m with you on the massage thing, I don`t think I could stand being touched like that by a stranger although I`ve always fancied having reflexology on my feet (I`ve got super sensitive feet and allow my partner to massage them whenever possible!)
    The food you had looked pretty good too!
    I`m glad to read you had this break, after working so hard you really deserved it. Not very fair that it is you that ends up doing the lion share of work though - I can understand how it irritated you.
    So all in all a lovely couple of days!
    Hope you are having a good weekend and try not to stress too much over this project. And reward yourself when its done!
    Lovely photos - you look so well and happy :)

  4. n, i really feel for you regarding the group project. Though it might be option to point this out somewhere to one of your supervisors/teachers? I know i've done that before when i was the one basically doing all the work. And even though that doesn't change anything in the right moment it might affect your mark! (positively of course for you and negatively for the ones that didn't put a lot of effort in it)
    Anyhow your 'luxury day' was definitely needed!! So nice to see you were able to truly enjoy it andjust let go of the stress around school for a day. The food looks absolutely awesome as well as i mentioned on IG several times already hahah.
    It's natural i think that your mom's worried about you. Mine would be the same i guess. Though it's great what you're doing imo! Living your own life and taking responsibilty for yourself and taking care of yourself. Something that's easier said than done :)
    Hopefully you'll have a couple of hours left over the rest of the weekend to relax and maybe get a nice workout in or something else you want to do.

  5. Okay weird.. it cut out part of my comment? Well then that wasn't on purpose :p

  6. This is just a weird side comment, but I have noticed lately in your posts that most photos of you you have your head titled to the side. my dad pointed this out to me years ago, that I did the same thing - and he said it is indicative of lack of confidence or low self-esteem. I was shocked to look back and see how in all the photos of me since I was a teenager (when I first became depressed and then very ill) that I was doing the head tilt thing. I now try to be conscious of it and hold my head proudly for photos, and it has a weird way of making me feel more confident and have more self-respect. I only mention this to you because I thought you might find it interesting - and if you look back through your blog you might notice it as well. a couple years ago you faced the camera head-on more. Not that you need to do anything about it, but for me I actually did find it helpful to pay more attention to how I held myself. I hated how self-conscious I was and making a conscious effort to "act as if" really helped. today, I will notice straight away if I head-titled in a photo, and, sure enough, the shot was taken on a day I wasn't feeling the best. and any self-portraits, I actually erase and re-take if I did a head tilt. I don't want to apologize for my existence anymore. any thoughts on this?

    1. I just want to amend my previous comment, I'm afraid it came off as critical when I really intended for it just to be a point of interest. I was more interested in your thoughts and interpretation of the idea - like, do you find it to be true for yourself, like I did, or is it just a coincidence or other non-issue for you? do you think it means anything, or is it just a flattering pose or something ? do you notice or ever think anything of it when you see yourself doing the head tilt in a photo? maybe it doesn't warrant this much thought, lol, but as I said, it struck me because of how it ended up being relevant to my own self-image and the presence I project to the world.

    2. I had actually replied to your first comment in a post before you made your second comment haha. I didnt find it critical or rude or anything, it was a very interesting point and something i never considered. I think my head tilt is just out of habit (maybe it first stemmed from low confidence) as well as just a flattering angle or something... who knows. I love when i get comments that get me thinking about my own habits or routines or whatever :) I am all about self improvment!!