Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, August 25, 2016

When family eat less than you - feeling guilty - eating disorder recovery

I am currently suffering from an ed now, but my family members around me always eating so less (especially my skinny mom and sister). Their portions of food are quite triggering that when I sitting with them and eat, I tend to eat less and the ed thought comes out. However, my mom and sister usually comment on my food, saying that I eat so less (but obviously, I eat so much comparing to their intake). How do I deal with this situation? I am feeling so hopeless now

Focus on you and what YOUR body needs. Everyone is different and needs different amounts. Instead of being jealous and thinking they eat less than you, so you need to eat less. Focus on that your body needs alot of energy and so you need to eat enough to fuel your body. Why try to eat low calories and little when you could instead eat as much as you want ? Isnt it better to be able to eat lots and feel full and eat all types of food?

Below are some helpful posts which might be beneficial to you!!

Not everyone around you is trying to recover from an eating disorder. Stop trying to compare yourself to how they do things - your needs are unique to you and you do what YOU gotta do.
— Kateryna @recoveryjournaling

I found this quote and thought it was important to share because when you are in recovery you can begin to wonder... why you arent allowed to do things which others are allowed to do? For me i never understood why i had to eat more and not allowed to workout while my sister ate less than me and was allowed to workout. I didnt understand why others could do 30 day no sugar challenges or cut out carbs or do a 30 day squat challenge and i wasnt allowed to do it. I didnt understand why others were allowed to walk places and i had to sit all the time and i didnt understand why some people were allowed to eat a later breakfast or a smaller breakfast and i had to eat a huge one each day whether i was hungry or not.

I compared myself to everyone... i wondered why people thinner than me werent in hospital or being told to eat more. I wondered why the patients thinner than me ate less than me, while i felt huge and had to eat lots.

Of course now i know why i wasnt allowed to do those things, because i was in recovery. I wasnt "normal" or "healthy". I had my own goals to follow and things such as 30 minutes exercise everyday or walking a station instead of taking the bus or cutting out on sugar, that wouldnt help me. That was the opposite of helpful in my case, even if that was what would be helpful to others who were "normal".

It is so important to focus on you and realise that when you are in recovery you are not the same as people who have never had an eating disorder or people who are just "Normal". You need to recover and that also means that recommendations and guidelines and what is "healthy/recommended" will be different. Because often what is healthy for a person recovering from a restrictive eating disorder is lots of rest and lots of food, while for someone who is "normal" then the recommendation might be to be a little more active and eat a little differently. But it is all very individual and that is the thing you need to remember. Not to compare yourself to others, but definitely not compare yourself to others when you are in recovery. Whether that is comparing yourself to other patients and wondering why they can eat a certain way or why they can workout and you cant, or comparing yourself to normal people/friends and wondering why they can do certain things and you cant.

For example, going vegan it isnt recommended in recovery but later on when you are healthier it is ok. Or things like eating more fat and less carbs or more carbs and less fat, finding the balanced intake for you can be done when you are healthier. But in recovery you just need to focus on facing your fear foods and being able to eat all types of food without guilt.

It is also important to remember that unfortunatly there are people who are "healthy" but who do have a weird relationship to food such as cutting down on certain foods or always doing yoyo diets or just dont have a very healthy relationship with food, then you can begin to wonder why they can do certain weird habits and you cant.... but you cant and shouldnt compare yourself to those types of people. Instead focus on you and your goals!!

Also remember, dont compare yourself or your eating habits to me. I am recovered and have been for 3,5 years... my life is "normal" and i have a healthy body and mindset. .I dont follow recovery rules and i dont necessarily follow the "recommendations" instead i know my body so well and know what is best for my body and those are the rules i follow.

Focus on you and what is best for your recovery!!! You cant control other people or what other people do, you can only control yourself and what you do, and so you need to make the best choice and decision for yourself!!

Ive written this post: which might be helpful and a good reminder as well!!

Below is a repost of an old post that might be helpful, and more helpful posts below as well!!

One of those tough situations you are put in during and after recovery is when friends or family around you are dieting or eating low kcal. That can trigger something within you, thinking that you are doing wrong by ordering a pasta dish when a friend orders a salad, or you eat a magnum ice cream and your sister takes a popsicle... you begin feeling guilty, anxious, triggered. You get self hate for yourself and believe you made the wrong decision because someone ate something that might be less calories. But you need to stop that type of thinking right then and there. To take a moment to just breathe and ask yourself What does it matter what someone else ate/is eating?
   Its easy to compare yourself to others, look at what others are eating and want to do the same thing. But you need to listen to yourself, know what YOUR body needs. There will always be someone dieting, wanting to lose weight or saying they have already eaten/not hungry. that doesnt mean you have to do it as well.

If you go to a cafe with a group of friends and you all order cake and hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and one of your friends orders a diet cola, it can evoke feelings inside of you. But you know what, WHO CARES. Instead enjoy that you can eat that cake or the extra scoop of ice cream or that toasted bagel etc and know that you will enjoy more food later on. You are giving your body energy, and you know what your friend will still eat later on and if they dont, well then feel sorry for them. Because a life without food, a life where you are scared to eat and obsessed with calories, that is a very sad life. Its barely a life at all. Instead be proud and happy of yourself that you are fighting for your health, that you know what your body wants and needs, that you can enjoy all types of food and give your body energy.
   And there will be people who are dieting and trying to lose weight and you know what, some people need to lose weight. Dont get triggered by that... weightloss is not your life goal, some people need it to be healthy that doesnt mean you have to lose weight as well or that you are suddenly in competition or you need to eat less than them.
   You are not a monkey, you shouldnt just follow others. I mean if someone jumps does that mean you have to jump as well? No it doesnt.  Everyone goes their own ways and has to know what is best for them.

So instead of focusing on what others are doing focus on what is best for YOU.

When you get guilty feelings or feel triggered by friends or family, take a moment to just breathe and think rationally. Even if that means you go to the bathroom and just try to calm down for a few moments. Or even sit in the bathroom and write down your thoughts... ive done this before, even if it meant i was gone 10 minutes. That was what i needed to do to calm down and then be able to actually eat. Be kind to yourself and your body!! Having a good motto or mantra to repeat to yourself in tough times is also a good idea :):)

I hope this helps. Focus on YOU and YOUR body and YOUR goals. Not on what others are doing.

Other helpful links:
Trying to gain weight while your partner/family member tries to lose weight
How much to eat - portion sizes - eating more than family
Comparison with siblings
Eating more than others
Feeling like you need to eat less than others
Thoughts about other peoples food intake
Low calories is not everything in life

1 comment:

  1. This was nicely timed for me as my partner is still following a weight reducing diet and I must admit I sometimes I feel triggered by the type of foods he has to eat off his plan and the quantities.
    Thankyou for posting this - very useful!