Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Unplanned social media break, 17 days of work done and life at the moment/how i am feeling

Hello and update from my side of the screen!

It is currently 10.50pm Tuesday evening when i am writing this post. I was feeling super tired all day today which is understandable when i have worked 17 days in a row now, and today i was supposed to work 8 hours but worked 11 instead. And by the end of today i was completely exhausted, and i had one or two customers point out that i was a little tired and all i could do was say "Yeah, its a long day/alot of work". But by the end of my day there were definitely a few more mistakes being made than usual, luckily i could fix them without the customer noticing but the smile wasnt where it should be and i was feeling super tired.

Tomorrow is my first day off and i am super ready for it! I have a spa day planned and an evening which will just be spent at home doing nothing as that is all i need right now. I just need alone time and to not be around people for a while, to not have to talk or smile either - but just have my own space, something which i havent had for a long time now when working in a store.

Today i also had some nostalgia moments where i longed back to my own/shared apartment where i studied at university, longed back to the start of the year when i was living on my own (mostly... my room mate was barely at home so it felt like i lived on my own), and missed just living in that little bubble i had. And today was a day where i missed my ex quite a bit... just someone to talk to and spend time, missed the company and what used to be. But it was just to put those feelings aside and focus on the future and what the future will hold for me!!

Otherwise, you might have noticed if you follow my on social media that there has been a sort of "silence" and it hasnt been a planned one. But it is because my phone broke on Sunday. My phone has been pretty much 80% broken recently where my phone turns itself off every 2nd hour or so and the battery barely charges and other problems with it, but then i dropped it Sunday morning and that was the final drop. So since then i have been phoneless, which has been both a positive and a negative.

A negative because 1) I cant be reached/contacted and i cant really contact anyone. 2) I never know what time it is 3) I miss listening to music 4) I realise how dependant i am on my phone in some ways.

Positives: Went for a run without any music, not knowing distance or time and loved it... which i think is great, as it shows that i love running for what it is and i dont need to run and know time or speed or distance.
Focus more on what is around me and notice small positive things when walking to work without music on.
Doing other things like reading the newspaper instead of looking at my phone during my lunch break.
A social media break.

I am in a bit of a dilemma now though, because i have now gotten a very old phone replacement which basically i can make phone calls from and nothing else which is great. So either i can wait 3-4 weeks and use this phone just to make calls, and then buy the new Samsung Note 7 when it comes out or decide to just buy the Samsung S7 now and have an actual updated phone to use..... so not so sure what i want to do. But i am not super happy going 3-4 weeks without having any social media or music or podcasts....  Some would say it is great and a good "break for me", but i miss listening to music and miss listening to podcasts like crazy. Not to mention that going to the gym without my own music isnt as fun or motivating, hahaha. But i guess if that is the worst of my problems then my problems arent so bad, so i shouldnt complain!!


Otherwise, how am i feeling? I have been feeling positive and great for the most part, but then Sunday evening stomach pain kicked in like crazy and today it has been absaloutly awful. And work today was not fun with the amount of stomach pain i have had, and have just been incredibly tired and low today combined with nostalgic feelings and drained of all form of energy, so today hasnt been the best day. But focusing on a better tomorrow and in general am feeling pretty A-ok! Things are falling into place, i am working lots and have little time to do other things or actually think. However i have now booked my one way ticket to Gothenburg in 2 weeks time! My mum will be following with me on the Thursday and travelling home Friday morning, so i am happy over that fact - so that i dont have to wander alone on my own with huge bags trying to figure out the form of public transport and tickets in Gothenburg, hahahah. I am excited, but at the same time i havent had the time to process any of it yet... so it wont be until Tuesday when i pack my things - 2 days before i leave, that i will actually process what is happening!

Anyway, such a long post but i guess i had alot to write :) Just wanted to write an update as to why i am a little silent on here and my other social media. No phone and working 6-11 hours a day so there isnt much time or acess to social media. But i'll try my best :)

Photos... all i want right now:
Nachos and guacamole
Watermelon, sunshin and water
Long walk/run in the sun with a podcast playing!







3 comments:

  1. :) have a lovely day today

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  2. This isn't really connected to the above post but I thought I`d share as I found it useful and interesting.
    I read an article about how pets can help ease depression, especially if you own a dog. Apparently because they are pack animals they view you as part of that "pack" and naturally will provide emotional support to those members by being loyal and affectionate companions.
    The presence of a dog is calming - you are drawn to stroke or pet them
    The sense of touch is beneficial psychologically - the act of stroking a dog is soothing and can improve your mood. It can also lower blood pressure and stress levels.
    Pets are uncomplicated, they do not have their own agendas and they love you unconditionally
    Dogs are a talking point when out and talking to other dog owners that you meet out on a walk can help if you are depressed or anxious
    Owning a dog is highly beneficial - you are responsible for the care and well being of another, and that responsibility can be a lifeline when you are down
    Dogs do not understand verbal conversation they read us on a much more fundamental level of energy and state. you cannot lie to them. They know when you are displaying negative energy or are down and will respond
    Dogs behave best when exposed to positive energy. To be a good owner you need to be aware of your own emotions and state of mind and how this affects your dog
    Dogs get you out of the house and into the fresh air. A change of scene helps boost mood and eases depression symptoms
    caring for a dog creates a daily routine that will help keep you going. no matter how bad you feel your dog still needs feeding and walking.
    Of course I`m not saying that to overcome mental illness you need to be a pet owner - but I can see how having one can definitely help. Something to think about anyway!

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  3. Hi Izzy - good to have you back! Glad that you survived your work stint although I can fully understand you must be exhausted. Now is definitely the time to make some "me time" and restore your energy levels:)
    With regards to your phone, I know how you feel. Mine broke a while back and I only had to go 2 days without until a replacement arrived that I ordered but I felt lost! Its awful knowing that you can`t easily be contacted and contact other people :( If you really want the new phone that comes out in a few weeks I would try to wait, if you can. Maybe you could use an ipod for music in the gym/running if you have one? Ask yourself what you would rather have, a phone that does all what your old one did now or the new model which you obviously like but in a few weeks time? Tough decision!
    Your moments of nostalgia probably stemmed from you being so tired and that can make you feel pretty low too. Once you have had a break and rested I`m sure you`ll feel brighter. Everything seems to be falling into place for you so just go with the flow and try not to worry about things. Things will work out. Its good that your mum is travelling to Gothenburg with you - at least you won`t find it so daunting being with someone rather than on your own. You can have a look round and get your bearings. Have you seen photos of your new accommodation? Is it far from the university?
    Have a lovely spa day and try to tell us about it if you get chance - I`m not really clear what you do at a spa so it will be news to me! Enjoy yourself and rest!

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