Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, August 19, 2016

Stop the compensating and you will be able to stop your negative behaviours

One tip which i can give you during eating disorder recovery is to STOP the compensating.

Many use compensating as an excuse or reason, or say "i wont compensate tomorrow" or "It is fine if i eat, i will go out running anyway", or "I'll eat cake but i'll purge it later so it is ok". Or any other reasons, but you have to realise that as long as you compensate in some form or another you wont recover.

For example when i was struggling with binging and purging i kept thinking... if i stop the binges i will stop the purging, but it didnt work that way. For me i had to stop the purging first... i had to stop my form of compensation, which then lead to me maintaining what i ate = feeling full and satisfied. Lead to trying even harder to avoid binging because i knew i couldnt compensate and that was even harder for me. While i struggled with binge eating it was sort of like i said "It is fine if i eat this whole bag of bread, whole package of cookies and an 800g bag of muslie because i will purge it later..." and then all thoughts of stopping my binging and purging actions just disappeared. But then when i stopped myself from purging, then i would stand infront of the cupboard and think.... "what will happen if i eat a whole loaf of bread and whole package of muslie and dont purge.... is it really worth it?".

Of course, binging is a lack of control. When i binged i had absaloutly no control, i would feel so extremely full and hate myself all the time but still i couldnt stop myself from binging, purging and then repeating the cycle the next day.

I kept saying... i will stop binging and then i will stop purging. But it didnt work that way. I had to stop all forms of compensation - purging and restricting, which then stopped my binging eventually and i found balance with food again and my bodies hunger and fullness feelings.

Many think they need to stop the action or resort to another form of compensation to recover. .But what you need to start off by doing is stopping the compensation actions.... Eat cake and DONT exercise afterwards. Follow your meal plan and dont use laxatives or purge to compensate. Eat the food your body wants and DONT restrict the next day. etc

Because if you use compensation acts you are justifying your actions and also turning it into a negative cycle which will repeat itself.

It is hard to stop the form of compensation, i remember when i struggled with my exercise addiction and i would justify my eating because i was exercising. And if i couldnt exercise, well then i couldnt eat. But eventually i had to realise that 1) I had to stop the exercising completely and i had to keep following my meal plan. As long as i kept exercising and only allowed myself to eat because i exercised i would never truly recover and would still be stuck in an eating disorder cycle. So the first step was to stop the compensation i.e the exercise and eventually the more i rested, the more i listened to my body the more balanced i became and exercise could eventually turn into something i loved again rather than something i forced myself to do because i ate.

Also remember, to not go from one compensation form to another. I.e if you dont purge, you end up exercising or end up taking laxatives or restricting... dont do that. Stop ALL FORMS of compensation!!

This post is a little unstructured, but it was something i began thinking about yesterday about how important it was to stop the compensating during my time in recovery. Because as long as i compensated for eating i still had a sick mindset and an unhealthy lifestyle.

I hope that to some this gives you something to think about, and if you compensate... PLEASE try to stop. Especially when it comes to binging and with exercise, you will realise that if you stop with the purging forms it will make it so much easier for you to eventually find balance with eating and to eat without feeling the need to get rid of the calories.
 it is tough, compensation = less anxiety, but you need to deal with the anxiety and core problem instead. Dont run from the anxiety, instead face it and cope with it. It will make you stronger!!!! You can do it, and decide to start NOW, today... stop waiting for tomorrow or the perfect time because that perfect time wont come.


  1. AMEN!! Absolutely agree, 100%. The compensation has to stop first. You can spend your whole life trying to stop the initial behaviour first, but the best and fastest way to recovery is to stop the compensation. The rest will follow.

  2. Hey Izzy! I am interesting in becoming a vegan but my family disagree. I don't know what should i do. I also don't know how much should i eat, what should i eat, i am afraid i will lose my period, that i am not going to get enough of vitamins, i am afraid it will cost me too much... Can you please please make a post about veganism, why you became vegan, what food do you recommend... I need your help! :)

  3. Hi, Izzy. I've been following your blog for a while now, though I've never commented before. I have been struggling with anorexia for a little more than half a year, but thankfully my parents caught it 3 or 4 months in. We have been trying a family-based recovery (where my parents feed me) instead of trying inpatient/outpatient treatment, though I was sick enough to be hospitalized due to my heart. I have reached a half-recovery point and am pretty much weight restored, although I recently had a two pound drop. The problem is, I can't seem to get rid of ED thoughts, and I don't feel like I am making any progress. I am still afraid of high-fat/sugar/calorie foods despite my parents having made me eat things like Hagen Daz ice cream several times. I have started exercising again, but my relationship with it is mixed, sometimes using it to burn calories, other times playing soccer to enjoy it, etc. I still struggle a lot with eating more than others, especially since I don't need to really gain much more weight, and so my ED tells me I don't actually need the 6 meals a day I'm getting. Worst of all, my relationship with my mom and dad has become strained, especially my mom. We get into fights a lot, and she feels like I'm not opening up enough, as I have a hard time sharing my emotions around food. My ED often makes me say hateful and unreasonable things, as my parents are the one feeding me, which doesn't help the constant tension. I just never really feel happy anymore, and I'm discouraged because even though I've achieved a relatively good weight, the disordered thoughts are just a loud/louder. I feel like I'm really affecting my family and our relationships. Sorry for such a long post, but I was wondering if you had any thoughts/tips/advice on making more recovery progress. I am also wondering if a residential treatment center could be best for everyone's mental health, including my own. Or are those only for people who need to gain weight? Thanks so much, and I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog.

  4. Such a good post! Really helpful way of looking at it such a help thku xx

  5. what if you don't purge and only binge?

    1. I had this problem ^ (binging without purging) for many years.
      To some extent, I think the answer is different depending whether you're in the healthy weight range, and how long you've been there for. Not panicking about your weight going up through the healthy weight range, including the "overshoot" phenomenon (ie gaining initially past your healthy set point, while your body gets comfortable with being fed) is really important.
      If the binging is in any way bound up with being underweight, or having been underweight for a long time, then it is likely that things will get better on their own to a significant extent just by letting your body get to a good place -- even if not by the most sensible eating patterns.
      Beyond that, I think one has to find a way of addressing the emotional side of what makes you binge, and keep repeating the pattern. It's probably complicated ... Do you have someone you can talk to about it? I do hope so.
      I talked to people endlessly....
      And beyond that, found it really helpful having people in some sense "there" to sort of hold one's hand, even though it was a metaphorical there as I was living alone for most of this period. I found it helpful to have people who had experience of ED problems themselves, not just "normal" people. Izzy has some good posts on how to finish a meal and move on, binging etc. And there she recommended some good books on the subject too, if you search her site.
      I do hope this gets better for you. I know how horrible it is! I'm sorry you are struggling with it.

  6. Hi - I`ve ben reading quite a bit about recovery and I`ve come to the conclusion that it scares me. Apparently weight restoration is the "easiest" part - the real hard work comes after when you have to maintain that weight, heal your mind and thought process. What if I can`t do it? what if this weight gain is for nothing and I can`t deal with the outcome? What if the thoughts don`t go away? I have gained and lost the weight again and I feel like I am back at square one. Only this time I have no motivation to start to gain weight again, although I know I need to. I am at a an even lower weight than I was before my first recovery attempt and I am scared. I just don`t have the inclination to do it again, before for some reason I did. How can I get that back? I need todo something, I know that much. This time round the physical effects are massive and I just feel ill all the time. Before at least I had the energy to live my daily life and function, now I don`t. What can I do to get the motivation back to want to begin recovery again? I feel so trapped.

    1. I have answered you in a post now which i hope helps you. I know how tough it is, but know that recovery is possible <3