Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, August 15, 2016

Seeing your body change during weight gain and how to cope

It feels like in the past 6 months my body has done alot of changing. (And by alot, i mean nothing huge, but small changes which i notice personally but others most likely dont). My weight has been sort of up and down alot the past months which of course has many factors as to why. But with the up and down in weight it feels like 1) My body hasnt been in balance and 2) my body has changed. And even if others might not notice them, i notice the changes.

And i dont mean that they are all negative changes, because thats not the case there are positive ones as well! I guess it is hard to write this post without making myself seem like i am body obsessed, when that is not the case... it is just things i have noticed. And i guess the difference between someone who is "healthy" and someone who is "sick" is how you deal with those things when you notice them. I.e when i have noticed my body change i havent panicked - ok i panicked a little when i noticed my weightloss because it wasnt something intentional, but with the gaining weight again and all the bloating, my body changing again i didnt panic or freak out. But also i know that the changes arent huge changes, most of them others wouldnt even notice i am sure... so i am not even going to write them out because they are a little unnecessary and it is better to focus on the overall positives.

But i thought i would write a little about how to cope when you see your body changing.

The first step is to 1) Know that your body will change in someway and you can't decide how your body will store the fat as that is based on genetics. However if you only have a few kilo, 3-5kg, to gain then there arent so many noticable changes, but if you have more to gain then there might be some noticable changes but those noticable changes arent bad changes, they are necessary changes.  Also when you have alot of weight to gain, at first it often goes to your stomach and you can look very disproportionate, but the closer you get to your healthier weight the more balanced and proportionate you will look as the weight distributes. Though generally i say that when you are 1-3kg from a healthy weight then your body isnt going to change so much, and the weight has distributed to where it will be. So learn to love and accept that is my best advice.

2) Know that there will be bloating. You can wake up being bloated... but it is just a phase, it will pass. The bloating wont last forever. My best tip is to wear lose and comfortable clothes. Skip the tight clothes, but dont feel like you have to walk around in baggy tops and pants because you still want to feel good in your outfit. Bloating isnt the end of the world either, you can wear a crop top and be super bloated and its nobody elses business, and you can rock that crop top regardless!! So dont let stomach bloat ruin your day or affect your mood or plans. I have just had to gain a few kilo the past weeks but i have been constantly bloated and woken up bloated but you know what, that doesnt matter. Soon my body and stomach will balance out again (though i have gotten a whole bunch of stomach problems and pain again, which is most likely the cause of the bloating rather than the weight gain).

3) If you notice things like less muscle definition, bones not showing and other things like that, realise that those changes are actually positive changes. It means you are getting closer to a healthier weight and body. Having lots of bones showing or being super lean isnt always healthy and not something to strive for. It can be good to delete old pictures which might trigger you, but also to focus on that the changes your body will go through are POSITIVE ones. Forget how you looked a few weeks or months ago, just focus on the positive changes and loving your healthy body. You are NOT your body anyway, you are so much more than your appearance, but you do need a healthy body to live a healthy and happy life.

4) Focus on the postives of a healthier body. Focus on the energy you might have (or will have... sometimes during weight gain ir takes so much energy that you actually feel more tired... strange as it sounds). Focus on the things you can do now which you couldnt do before. Focus on clothes that fit you well and look good on you. Focus on loving your body.. REGARDLESS of size or weight. Your body will always change throughout life and weight will fluctuate and sometimes your body holds onto water and you feel very bloated, other times your body might feel super depleted of water and salt and you feel completely different. Your body and weight will make small changes throughout your life and you need to accept that and learn to be ok with it.

5) Dont focus so much on how your body looks, instead more on life. The bigger and smaller changes really arent a big deal. Dont care about what others might think or say, there thoughts and opinions are irrelevant. What is important is that you havea  healthy body and mind.

6) When your body changes and you get back small things which you might not have missed about your body.... realise that those things are just part of your healthy body. Learn to accept them and not panic about them because self hate wont get you anywhere. You will see your body everyday so it is better to just accept those small things and learn to like or atleast accept them. .Self hate and loathing wont get you anywhere.

These are 6 of the tips i could think of now, but hopefully they are helpful. Remember that weight gain isnt the end of the world, and most likely a positive thing for many of you who read my blog. The body changes, that is just part of life. My thoughts however are.... less focus on your body, more focus on life and creating the life you want and doing things you love. Allow your body to change, accept the changes and focus on a healthy body and mind and a happy and healthy life!

Below are some links to previous posts talking about weight gain/body change, and also my own body distribution during recovery:

My weight gain/distribution in recovery (trigger pictures in the post)


  1. Hey Izzy! I am interesting in joining the group in gym, to bootcamp and bodypump and i just wonder what do you think about it, is it difficult or is it okay and good for my health? I want to become strong like you:) btw, this post was amazing!

  2. Thanks for posting this, its always good to have the reminder that ultimately what is important is health and wellbeing, not what our bodies look like.
    Do you feel more comfortable within yourself now you have regained some weight? At the moment I am trying to come to terms with my body size and the weight I`ve lost and I admit to feeling rather self conscious. But at the same time I am reminding myself that I am doing all I can to try to resolve the situation and it will take time, and like you said in your post, the changes are probably only noticeable by me and not so much to others.

  3. Really needed this thanku - v motivational! Can there be more? Xx

  4. Thank you, Izzy. <3 I had a really challenging day today; successful, but mentally challenging. For lunch I had my usual salad, but then my dad took me to the fish and chip shop. I got a big box of chips and gravy to challenge myself. The gravy because it's an 'extra' that I'd normally skip, and the chips because I still 'count' carbs sometimes and I want to stop. When I ordered them I didn't realise it would be such a big serving. Seriously- it could've been split between three people (eating normally, not trying to gain, of course) and all three people would've been satisfied. I ate it all though. It was hard, I had to fight the thoughts in my head and the stomach bulge towards the end, but I ate it all by focussing on how yummy they were and how pleased my dad looked watching me eat. After, however, I was wrecked. I felt so guilty, and ate such a small dinner because I just felt too full. I kept feeling my stomach and worrying about how much weight this might make me put on, even though that's entirely the whole point. This post has made me feel a lot better though. A LOT better. So thank you!

    Wow, my chips and gravy story sounds so lame when I read through. But it really was such a big deal to me.

  5. Well I say good on you for having your chips and gravy! You managed to overcome your fears and eat them all - which is brilliant! I can understand your feeling though, something similar happened to me awhile back. We were out over lunchtime and decided to get made to order baguettes for lunch out. I ordered a ham, tomato and mayo baguette and when the woman made it up and handed it over it was huge! I felt I couldn`t possibly eat all of it, quarter would have done me. But my partner was so happy to see me having something that I didn't make myself and we were enjoying an impromptu "picnic" out that I ate it all. And yes I felt so uncomfortable afterwards too, and guilty. But you know after a couple of hours I felt better and I began to feel so pleased that I had achieved this and had made another step forward. So look upon your chips and gravy as a success and don`t feel guilty. You made an important step forward and that has to be congratulated. Well done!