Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Friday, August 26, 2016
My day of travelling to Gothenburg & meeting my class - My thoughts about Gothenburg and how i am feeling
Hello everyone :)
And prepare for a long post because i have alot to write. But also i dont know when i will post again at the moment, but i felt like i wanted to write out my thoughts. Or well, i wanted to make a video but the walls are so thin in the apartment so the woman i am living with would hear me talking and i dont really feel like going outside to film. So writing will do :)
I'll start off with yesterday.... a day of travelling. We took an express/fast train at 10.30am so that we finally arrived at Gothenburg at 2pm. The train journey went well and i felt excited until the train began to roll into the station and that is when the anxiety i hit. Inside of me it was chaos and panic and i began thinking "what the hell am i doing?"... please stop. Stay on the train and ride back to Stockholm and refuse to be an adult and maybe time will stop.
I guess the reality hit me once i was standing there with my bags. But i calmed myself down and my mum and i left our bags at a storage place so that we could wander around the town for a while and get some coffee while we waited until we could travel to the apartment.
As we walked around Gothenburg i felt the anxiety rising again, but also a sort of calmness as i began to recognize myself. And while wandering around we found were my school is and were i will be going for lectures and that was very calming. To see where i would be, and i felt so much better and felt like "Yes... this feels good. I like this place and i can imagine coming here everyday."
After a few hours we picked up our bags again and took the tram to the station where i will and found our way to the apartment.
The place i am living is really nice. It is very open and the walls are thin - which i slightly dislike. I.e if i get up early in the mornings i dont want to wake the owner up because all the doors and floors creak, haha. But all in all, the location seems pretty nice (But i will do some exploring during the weekend - and will also try to find a nice gym i like. Iit feels so strange at the moment to be gym less... and not have a gym to go to. :( ) and also the apartment is great for now. I am just thankful i have a place to live!!
After i had unpacked and gotten to sit down for a while, my mum took the tram back into town and ate dinner (burgers and fries as i wanted to try that burger place) and then my aunt and her partner joined us as they were currently in Gothenburg as well which was very random, haha.
And after that it was super late and i was half asleep on the way home again!
Onto this morning: It was time for a voluntary get together with the different classes and to get some introduction into the program and studies. My mum travelled with me to the school before she then took the train back to Stockholm.
On the way to the school i was filled with so much anxiety and worry, wondering if i should just call it quits and move back to Stockholm, but the closer we got to the school the less anxiety i felt, and by the time i was sitting in the lecture room i was feeling alot more calm.
I also did my best to smile and talk to people, as well as being the first one to say "hi" and to ask questions, which resulted in having 3 other girls to talk with and after the introduction they showed me around Gothenburg and we then went to get some coffee and sat talking for a while. It was super lovely and i am glad that i made the effort to be the first one to talk, but also glad that i didnt listen to the introvert side of me who screamed "i want to go home" when the girls suggested we wander around Gothenburg. I didnt feel like it, and just wanted to be on my own... but i went against that and also stayed when we got coffee. So i must say, i am rather proud of myself and i was filled with energy afterwards. I felt happy and like "I can do this. THis isnt so bad, and i do like this town and like the school and hopefully the class and lectures will be great!"
After that i decided to walk home and stopped at a gym to check out how it looked - and i think i might sign up to that gym branch as their is a facility close to where i live but also close to my school which works well. And then i also went food shopping to get all the basics anyway!!
And once i got home, that was when the tiredness hit and now it is just resting all evening and trying to process everything happening in my life at the moment, hahah.
It is alot to process and so much "new" so i am going to do my best to deal with it all. This weekend i have time to rest up, sort some things out, wander around the town, buy the things i need before school starts and set up a little plan over my routines/when to study/how my schedule looks etc
At the moment it all feels good. My first course at Uni will be a tough one, and not so fun as it isnt about nutrition, hahaha. But it is only 4 weeks long so hopefully it will go well, and i am going to do my best to be social and go to social events and just make the next few years of my life as amazing as they can be... and only time will tell what happens!!!
As i have so much to process i dont know when i will blog again, maybe this weekend... maybe next week, maybe in 2 weeks time... who knows. But i'll most likely blog during the weekend, but bare with me if the blogging isnt so great for the next while!!