Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, August 19, 2016

Eating lots late at night - answer

I am really struggling with hunger. Particularly at nite b4 bed and when i come home from college. I end up binging on veg to try stem the hunger but it hasnt been cutting it and so my mum suggested i eat a slice of toast which ive battled to have but now i seem to be having it every other day or so and i am scared im gonna put on loads of weight and im greedy.

First off you have to realise that your body needs more than just vegetables and the reason you are so hungry at night might be due to you not eating enough during the day? Your body needs lots of energy to survive and when you are studying your brain is using alot of energy as well, so that means you need to eat even more. But if you dont eat, well sooner or later that hunger will hit you hard, and for many that hunger hits in the evening. 
   Instead of filling up on vegetables, eat a second dinner or eat a huge snack. The reason you dont feel satisfied is because your body wants energy and enough nutrients, not just vegetables. Dont be scared to eat more and eat what your body needs and adding toast to your intake is just going to help you. Ask yourself, is weight gain really the worst thing? Who cares if you gain weight... it really isnt a big deal. And if you need to gain weight.... well then thats a good thing and that should be your goal anyway.
   Food is not bad, food is not the enemy... those thoughts in your head are the enemy, your eating disorder is the one you need to fight, not your body and your hunger. 

You cant live a fullfilling life or function properly if you arent eating enough. I dont know how much you are eating during the day but i would suggest you increase your intake during the day... make sure to eat breakfast, lunch, an afternoon snack and then something before bed (and maybe a morning snack if you need it as well). And DONT eat low kcal or non fat foods, that will leave you feeling unsatisfied because your body doesnt want just low calorie foods. Focus on a fear food a week and increasing your food in overall but also, EAT in the evenings!!! 
I eat my biggest meal right before bed after work mainly because i dont have much time to eat at work and also my job is rather physically craving at times so it works best to eat lots right before bed, and that is what i enjoy as well. 

Dont see food as something that will make you gain weight. See food as energy and vitamins and minerals that your body needs. If you are hungry, then eat. There is nothing wrong with eating and nothing wrong with eating more than usual.
I would suggest maybe following a meal plan and making sure that meal plan has enough calories throughout the day, and then following that meal plan no matter how you feel or what you are doing... just making sure you are getting the fuel your body needs. You arent greedy for eating and weight gain is not something to fear.

If you are hungry, eat.... and dont try to fill youself up on vegetables because that is most likely not what your body wants.  Your body needs more substantial food... and even if vegetables might fill you up physically, mentally they most likely wont and all your cravings and the "real" food your body wants will still be on your mind and make you want to keep eating and not feel totally full. So think... it is better to eat what your body craves so that you feel satisfied and full, rather than after several days or weeks ending up binging completely  because both body and mind are so hungry.


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  2. Thku izzy think its just im really struggling with the guilt of eating more & eating cos im hungry never done that before so its all unknown

    1. I know its scary but you have to try, and its ok to feel full and to eat. Your body needs fuel, so try to push past those fears and fight your eating disorder. it is the only way to recover!! You can do it, take small steps at a time and keep fighting the voice in your head, it will get easier in time! Face the fear of the unknown, nothing bad will happen.

  3. I am currently suffering from an ed now, but my family members around me always eating so less (especially my skinny mom and sister). Their portions of food are quite triggering that when I sitting with them and eat, I tend to eat less and the ed thought comes out. However, my mom and sister usually comment on my food, saying that I eat so less (but obviously, I eat so much comparing to their intake). How do I deal with this situation? I am feeling so hopeless now

    1. Ive answered you in a post which might help. It was a little "all over the place" as i wrote it on the train, but i hope it helps... otherwise just comment and i can try my best to help you more :)