Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Answers to comments part 2

I need a reason, I need to understand Why I need gain weight, what will be more easy? The thoughts about food will not be part of me? I will like my body? I will be "normal"? What changes in reality in my life without being a number and my body?
I hope you can answer. Kiss

Generally speaking when you gain weight you feel more energetic, more happy, more lively because your body gets all the nutrients and energy it needs but also you think more clear and better. When you are malnourished and underweight you can't think clearly and so it is easier for the eating disorder thoughts to control you.
  However recovery isnt just about weight gain, because even if it helps you and you need to gain weight you also need to change your thoughts. I.e you cant just expect to gain weight and all your thoughts gone and everything better, instead you need to work with your mental recovery at the same time as your physical recovery. 

You need to face your fear foods, face your fears, find the underlying problems and issues, focus more on life and healthy habits. Set up healthy goals and dreams and routines and find hobbies and things you enjoy and make life worth living. Focus more on health and happiness and life and less on body image and food. As well as everyday working on self love and self acceptance - because you can gain and lose weight as much as you like, but if the problem is in your head you wont ever be happy. Self love and acceptance comes from the inside!

But i can also say from experience that when i gained the last few kilo to my healthy weight i actually felt so much better in my body. I had worked on my thoughts as well, but i felt alot better... i had more energy and was physically mmore capable and wasnt as tired and i began to like how i looked compared to when i weighed alot less and hated myself and my body all the time. So as strange as it might sound, you can actually feel alot better in your body (and SHOULD feel better in your body) when you have gained the weight.

The important thing is to just gain the weight and try to not worry so much. Your body will get the nutrients and energy it needs, you will have more energy and your body will be healthier. You will have more mental clarity, not be as cold or as tired and bones wont be as weak. So its all positive things about weight gain - but of course YOU need to change your thoughts and face your fears, otherwise things wont get better mentally.

hi Izzy, i have a similar sort of question to the comment above. i've now reached a healthy bmi too. i want to continue eating to my meal plan and eating plenty, but now i am almost afraid to, even though i really, really want to stick to it (it's about 2000-2500 cals at a guess I never counted.). My fear is of course that I am going to keep on gaining if I stick to my plan. Im worried that my metabolism is damaged because I still gained weight the past few months even though I didn't give up exercise and continued going to college etc. My mam keeps on telling me to try and keep on eating the same , and that it WILL settle down - i want so much to believe her, but I'm afraid to! I would love to hear your advice. I am working really hard on accepting my new body,even though i cant say i like it as it is now, but i know that is the ed voice talking. Please could you give me some advice on what to do next? thank you so much.  xxx

I would listen to your mother and keep eating according to your meal plan. Calories are not the enemy. And even if you have a healthy BMI it might not be your healthy set point and your body is trying to find its healthy set point. Give your body some time to adapt and to settle and try to focus less on the scale and calories and more on life, full recovery and the freedom of life. You wont keep gaining and gaining weight, your body should settle and even if you did then you know how to lose weight so thats not a problem. Of course this sounds very contradictory to write, but when i was in treatment i had a case manager say to me. "Yyou know what it is like to be underweight and you know how to lose weight, but you can barely remember what it is like to be a normal weight so why not try it. And if i dont like it.... well i know how to lose weight so i can just lose the weight again". And in a way that helped me, because i thought... "fine ill gain the weight for others and then just lose it again"... turns out i liked my body and liked how i felt when i was a healthy weight!!!

Also remember that your weight fluctuates, for example from one day to another i can weigh 2-3kg more or less just due to water and food weight or due to stress and water retention. Try to not focus on the scale, instead focus on those thoughts and feares you need to over come. Dont listen to your eating disorder, because it is your ED telling you that you need to eat less, but if you do that then you are just holding on your eating disorder. Instead you need to defy that voice in your head and do the opposite i.e if your eating disorder wants you to compensate with exercise or to eat less or skip a meal etc then you need to do the opposite, because if you listen to that voice then you aren't fighting your eating disorder or letting go, you are just holding on. So even if it is tough and scary, that is part of recocvery and full recovery.

Follow your meal plan, avoid the scale for a while and focus on life and see the enjoyment in eating and know that you are fueling your body properly. Give your body time to adapt and remember dont focus blindly on the scale. The scale is irrelevant, the important thing is a healthy body and a healthy mindset regardless of what it says on the scale.

In recovery it is all about blindfaith and sort of stumbling in the dark, but it will get easier.... just keep fighting your eating disorder and have that "Blindfaith" that things will be ok :)

Hi Izzy - I`ve noticed you`ve been having oat milk rather than soy milk and I was wondering if this was more nutritious/ tastes better? I am still trying to find an alternative milk to dairy that suits me and that I like, and I think I have seen oat milk in the shops here. At the moment I am having almond milk but find it rather "watery" so knowing what oat milk is like would be helpful.

I just prefer oat milk, thats the main reason. But also there is a specific oatmilk made for warm drinks which i love and is great in oatmeal as well. But also i do consume soy products and at times soy beans so i find that it would just be too much soy if i drank soy milk as well. I dont really like nut milks because as you say they are very watery and dont work well in warm drinks or in oatmeal or such. 
  Certain oatmilk doesnt work well in warm drinks either though... hahahha, but the one i buy is specific for that and its a swedish brand i think so not sure if you can buy it in the UK unfortunatly. But keep trying different milk alternatives and you might find one that works... or try making your own almond milk, its not hard and then you can sweeten it however you like :)


  1. Thanks for this Izzy. I`m not sure what type of oat milk they sell here, I`ll have to have a closer look. Never thought of making my own, perhaps I`ll give that a try although it would be easier if I could only find a brought milk I liked - never thought it would be so difficult!
    Have you decided to take part in that run that is coming up? Do you run for charity? Theres quite a few organised runs going on here at the moment and every day when I`m out I see more people out running, it really seems to be getting popular. Keep us updated how you go won`t you?

    1. For warm drinks, alpro has a special line. "Soya for professionals" is especially for cappuccinos etc so can be heated. Otherwise there's mixes such as coconut and almond, rice and so on. And obviously every brand tastes different.
      I know you live in the UK, so try Holland and Barrett :)

  2. <3 thank you so much Izzy for your answer it's so much appreciated. Hope you have a lovely dayxXxXx

  3. Hey Izzy! (:
    Thank you for taking the time to answer the comments. But what about the first one about the issue of not eating the whole day but than in the evening and at night? I've got this problem too and I'm confused like the other person as well, she or he described thy tricky situation very good ...

    1. I used to struggle with this, and like the person who wrote in, it seemed like I knew it was abnormal but it was something I could live with just fine ... . But that only lasts so long, until you get into a new life situation and this style of managing food is not compatible with it. It is best to deal with it from the start, and not wait till life forces you into facing it along with other things. Eating more "normally" helps confidence and trust in relationships with other people too.... I'm not saying it's necessarily easy, but it is worthwhile.

    2. Oh I didn't even realise I hadntnansered that comment... I meant to, haha. But I'll answer it in another post once I get the time!

    3. Thank you! (:

  4. Hi Izzy - I was wondering if you could give me some advice. How do you deal with unhelpful comments made about your weight/size? I`m talking about my weightloss here as I have noticeably lost weight and my partner has started making (what I think are hurtfull) comments about about it. Whenever he goes to cuddle me there is a remark and a comparison to what I was before and its got to the stage where I don`t want him to touch me because of what he says. I know I have lost weight and I`m not happy about it either but comments don`t help. I am finally getting to see the hospital consultant next week and have had more food intolerance tests done so hopefully I will be getting some answers as to whats going on soon. In the meantime though, what do I do? It is really getting me down and rather than want to talk to him and tell him to stop I just want to avoid him.

    1. (I'm not Izzy but...) I am really sorry to hear this. I used to find this with my mother! It was horrible. I talked to my father about it and after that she stopped. But if it were a partner then I think I would talk to him directly. I know the feeling of wanting to avoid the person and hide from it all, but the avoidance and hiding create new problems, and it's best to talk to the person - I think. By working through these things together understanding can deepen and relationships can get stronger. x