Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, July 13, 2016

The fitness community encouraging eating disorders and disordered eating?

The fitness community.... something which people often get mixed up with health. But i will start off by saying that fitness is not health. Not according to me anyway.

Fitness is more about what you can do and has also begun to focus on low body weight and low body fat percentage and high muscle mass to be "fit" when in all honesty, fitness i guess is about what you are capable of.

And health should be about mental health, a good physical health where you can prevent illnesses as much as possible as well as social health. A balance and feeling good and happy. I.e if you are healthy in all those 3 areas you are often happy.

I have alot i could write about the fitness community as it is something i dislike and have learnt to dislike alot. Even if i once may have been part of it in a sense, though never to an extreme. 

In this post i will write about fitness competitions - particularly bikini fitness/body fitness competitions.

First off, there is nothing healthy about them. I.e the goal is to lose fat, maintain muscle and do this by following a strict workout plan and diet plan and eating less than the body needs to lose fat. And then before the show you might have to do things like manipulate with the salt and water levels in the body and then of course for girls they need lots of make up and their hair done in a special way and of course lots and lots of fake tan. And then they get on a stage and get judged and compared on their physique....Just that isnt very healthy. When the competitors are standing on the stage and being judged on their body they are basically being judged on a malnourished, water depleted body with a too low body fat percentage i.e an unhealthy body.... How is this even allowed, if we look at it from a health perspective? As there is nothing healthy about it.

And of course, after they compete they need to regain weight and fat to get to a healthy body size and many struggle with this - from what i have understood and many develop disordered thoughts about their body and food or even an eating disorder as they cant cope with their body changing and having to regain fat.

And also to mention that body fitness competitions also lure alot of people with eating disorders and make them want to compete - just so that they can disguise their disordered habits and call it fitness. Of course some people love the "sport" and i am not going to say anything about that, i dont compete and wont ever as i dislike it alot, and so i have a different opinion from those who actually compete. But i think the whole thing is a little messed up and then people post tons and tons of pictures of their body with a low body fat percent and their diet meals and that can make people think that that is normal when infact that "fitness and competing lifestyle" is not healthy or normal at all.  And not something normal people should follow.

What i actually wanted to write in this post - before all the above, was that a few days ago i stumbled across a few youtube videos from people who compete in the fitness/bikini competitions. And i decided to watch, as i do enjoy watching peoples lifestyle vlogs and showing what they do in a day etc Though their days and habits were far from normal or healthy.

So...  the person in the video
1) Brought a food scale with them whenever they went to eat out and would then weigh their food and eat the amount they needed.
2) They choose food based on calories/macros not on what they wanted
3) Macrohoarded and ate their first meal as late as possible so that they could "save calories"
4) Bought a donut and ate one bite and got rid of the rest
5) Counted the calories of salad and told people to be aware of the carb amount in salad
6) Continued to say they were fluffy despite a very low fat percentage

And so much more... It all just seems so disordered and then they can just mask it with "fitness"... I mean bringing a food scale to a restaurant? Counting every single calorie eaten? There is nothing healthy or balanced about it - and the worst thing is that videos like that have thousands of views and i am sure many of the followers think that that is completely ok and they begin to do it as well. Or begin to panic because they didnt weigh their food at a restaurant or because they dont look like the girls in the videos or the pictures. It all sends out very unhealthy messages, because even if they are clear with their intentions i.e they are competing, on a diet to lose fat and that their lifestyle may not be so healthy, they are still sending out wrong messages to people.

There is so much i could write about this as i guess the fitness community is basically everything i am against. Everything i have also worked so hard to get rid of in my life and all the things these competitors (?) do, are things i did when i struggled with my eating disorder. I.e counted all my calories, weighed my food, forced myself to workout despite not wanting to, eating very low calorie and only choosing low kcal foods... Though i guess an actual eating disorder is a few grades more extreme and worse than just some of those habits i.e it is a mental illness and those habits are just symptoms of the illness.

Anyway, this post could get super long but i just wanted to rant my frustration and also if you are someone who follows people online who compete or diet alot, then remember to think rationally and DO NOT compare your body, your lifestyle or your food or exercise with them. Because their habits arent normal or healthy... I mean i've seen videos where they panic about not being able to work out or because they have to eat out in a restaurant and frantically look up the menu and calories and plan it all out before hand and force themselves through cardio sessions they hate... and then after the competitions many end up binging as their body and mind wants food so badly and they can seriously mess up their body, their mind and their thoughts about their body, food and exercise. And all of it for what? To stand on a stage with an unhealthy body with an unhealthy fat percentage and be compared to others in the same situation?

Who knows i might get critique for this, but this is my opinion and i guess you have the right to think that my opinion is wrong or that i should not write these types of posts. But this is from what i see and what i believe and i just felt like i needed to share it, to remind you that fitness is not necessarily health. And that you CAN take rest days, rest weeks, rest months if you need it. You can eat what you like and enjoy and dont need to track your food, and you dont need to choose food based on just calories or macros. Of course what works for people is different i.e some find that following a sort of meal plan works best for them or having a goal to workout 3 times a week actually makes them workout... and thats ok as well, but remember to listen to yourself and to focus on HEALTH and happiness! And that a low body fat percentage or visible abs will not make you happier in life!!!

I wrote a post before about my opinion on bikini fitness competitions - which is basically the same as this post i guess!

I found this video which is awesome and maybe something to look at if you are someone who is interested in the fitness/competing industry.

Below are some posts i found about bikini fitness:

The fitness trap (Trigger warning as it mentions calories, weight, BMI) (I HIGHLY recommend you to read this - though it is subjective)

Why i hung up my competition heels

Glamour of figure competitions revealed

Post bikini competition


  1. I love this post. I have never been into the things you are describing, but I love it that you speak up for truth and health in a society and culture that is so full of disorder, and where speaking up and keeping one's head can be hard in so many contexts.

  2. I find it hard to understand why these things even exist and why people are so drawn to follow them. They can be downright dangerous and so many vulnerable people are putting their health at risk by following them. Surely there should be some sort of ruling for these things.
    Thankyou for highlighting these things though and for putting your point across, I must say I agree with you.