Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
The contrast of days & my current future plans
Starting this post in a negative tone but ending in a positive one ^-^
Yesterday was one of the worst days in a while. Where everything went wrong, I was anxious and tired and felt panicked and had self hate and felt unmotivated towards everything. I started the day feeling awful and that's never a good way to start the day... but I took myself to the gym, wanted to cry while working out because of all the anxiety I had, ended after 10 minutes on the treadmill and 5 minutes leg press. Started walking towards work, still feeling awful. Got the results from my applications to university and I got into my second choice and am as a reserve for my first hand choice... so got some thinking to do avout what I want to do in autumn.
Even if I knew how the results would be I. E that I would end up as reserve i still got a lot of anxiety when I saw the results as I did have a hope that I would get in... and there is a chance that I will get in,just that I need to wait 3 weeks until I know for sure.
Then it was time for work and the whole work shift was so stressful. So many customers, too few workers and basically no one did anything apart from me. There was a lack of communication between those working so there were mistakes made and it was just chaos the whole day and customers were rude and i felt stressed and ended up irritated and trying to keep the whole situation under hand while all the time dealing with my own anxiety and feelings and tiredness and also the worst stomach pain and trying to keep a smile on my face and be polite. There was so much more to my day than just this i.e different incidents and things that happened and feelings felt etc but I am not going to go into it. Yesterday was such an awful day so i ended up calling my sister and asking her if she could drive and pick me up, which she did and then i got a little therapy session in the car on the way home where i could just rant about everything and talk about my stress, awful day, awful customers and also about what i should do in autumn. After my talk and rant i realised just how much i needed it... For once i needed to be the one to just let it all out and not be the one to just give advice, but to talk about my own problems. And it felt pretty good afterwards!!
Today was a much better day. Knowing i was free from work and just had my day with no plans infront of me!
I have had time to go for a walk and just think about everything and figure out what i want and how i feel. I have had time to have a great workout session for once. I have had time to spend with my sister and my family and to discuss what i should do/how i should think, and have had time to eat a delicious lunch and to cuddle my dog. And now i have time for series!
I have come to a conclusion about my autumn plans i.e i will be studying in Gothenburg - if i find living anyway!! I have said yes to my second option which is a 3 year program, but i am still in the waiting list for my first option. But either way i will study in Gothenburg. And it makes me Nervous, excited, anxious... i know i will have lots of sleepless nights the next few weeks and my anxiety will be on top. But i am also excited. It will be new, different and something so EXTREMELY out of my comfort zone. But i am ready for it and hoping things turn out ok!! But it will be a new chapter, and hopefully things will be good and turn out ok! But i will write more in later posts, for now i have just made the first step of accepting the place i have gotten in the program and taking each step at a time and going to try not let anxiety ruin things for me!!
For now... i need some mental and physical rest!!