Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, July 2, 2016

Not sick enough? - eating disorder mentality

Something which i thought i would remind all of you, is that if you ever get thoughts of Im not sick enough. This thought in itsself is a sick thought... because the fact is that normal and healthy people DONT wish to be sick... Or some might wish to be sick for a week or two to skip schiool or work, but their desire is not to be sick... to have to go to hospital.
   Healthy/normal peoples goals are not to have the largest thigh gap, the smallest weight or eat the least...

So just the thoughts of wanting to be the skinniest, to eat the least or that you arent sick enough are sick thoughts.Because thats not how healthy people think.

Remember this.

But also ask yourself, WHY do you want to be sick? What do you get out of it? What do you get out of being in hospital? Having the most visible bones or eating the least? Do you get a gold star? Are you better than everyone else? Are you more perfect? Do more people like you? Are you happier?

What is it that you achieve from not eating anything and being the skinniest, or from being sick?

I actually much prefer to hear people say they ate a double cheeseburger and loved every bite of it, rather than hear someone say they are on a 500kcal diet...
  To hear someone say that they love their body rather than complaining that they are too big and want to lose weight....

Dont let the voice in your head trick you into thinking that skinny = happiness. Or that you have to be a certain to be sick, or that you arent sick enough for help...
  The fact that you think you arent sick ENOUGH means that you need help.

There is more to life than just calories, skinny obsession, exercise obsession, fear of food and weight gain.
  Find your happiness, find the things which you love and makes life worth living!!!

reminder that your eating disorder is still valid even if:
  • you dont think it is
  • you’ve never been underweight
  • you are weight restored
  • you are at a ‘normal’ weight
  • you are overweight/obese
  • you’ve never had to go to inpatient or residential
  • you do not have a restrictive ed
  • you do not use the behaviors most commonly associated with eds
  • you do not have ‘fear foods’
  • you don’t like oatmeal or those foods people are always taking pics of
  • you like food and are fine owning that
  • you hate working out or dont work out 
  • you’ve never restricted/binged/purged
  • you’ve never been through anything that you feel validates your ed 
  • you dont have any ed horror stories 
  • you feel like your ed isnt as serious as someone else’s
  • you dont feel sick enough
  • your loved ones do not know
  • your loved ones do not believe you
  • your loved ones are not helping you get the help you need
  • your struggle looks different than the ones portrayed by the media
  • you are triggered by different things than most
  • you are not triggered by others
  • your recovery isn’t proving to be as difficult as its portrayed
  • your recovery is going ‘quickly’
    your recovery is going smoothly
  • you are progressing in your recovery
  • you dont want to recover
  • you consciously developed your ed
  • you are not actively using behaviors today/now/anymore

"But I can't have an eating disorder BECAUSE..."

“I eat too much!”There is no maximum calorie limit for eating disorders. An eating disorder is not about what you eat, but how you eat- your feelings/thoughts about your body and your intake.
I’m not underweight!”The majority of people who develop an eating disorder will never become underweight. The only disorder that is diagnosed based partially on weight is anorexia- and for that, if you’re an average weight but meet every other criteria, you’ll still be diagnosed with ‘atypical anorexia nervosa’. It doesn’t mean you aren’t sick or that you don’t need help.
“I don’t meet the anorexia/bulimia guidelines!”OSFED (formerly known as EDNOS) is not a ‘failed’ eating disorder. It is every bit as serious as anorexia or bulimia. It is also the most commonly diagnosed eating disorder, meaning more people have this than anorexia or bulimia.
I don’t make myself sick!”Vomiting is only one form of purging. You can have bulimia, anorexia or OSFED/ARFID and not make yourself sick.
“I still eat!”So does everybody else. You can’t photosynthesise, after all. Even people with eating disorders eat.
“I feel like a fake/ a fraud!”So does basically every single other eating disordered person. This is a really, really, really, really common feeling. You might feel guilty for ‘misleading’ other people into believing the problem is more serious than it is, or feel like you’re overblowing things. That’s totally normal and it is not true. You are not a fake or a fraud.
“I eat things that no real anorexic would eat!”
I have known eating disordered patients with these safe foods: chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola
I have known eating disordered patients with these fear foods: : chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola
Safe/fear foods are not based on logic or reason. They are individualised. There are even people who don’t have any fear foods- they’ll eat anything, they’ll just feel crappy and purge it/ restrict afterwards. All of the experiences described here are those of a person with an eating disorder.
“I’ve never been inpatient!”Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.
“I’ve never been tube fed!”Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.
I’ve never been near death!”Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.
My blood work/ blood pressure is fine!Eating disorders affect different bodies in different ways. Some people find their blood work suffers; others find their blood pressure or pulse dips; others find that, whilst they’re suffering hugely mentally, their bodies hold up well. This is not a measure of how ‘sick’ you are. All of these things- weight, bp, pulse etc- are just symptoms of the sickness. The sickness is in your head.
“I don’t feel sick enough.”
You never will. Sorry. “I’m not sick enough!” is one of the most common ED thoughts there is; please don’t listen to it. It is a lie. Do not compare your misery to someone else’s; nobody with stage I cancer says ‘yeah, but that person is a stage III, so I’m not really that bad and I won’t get any treatment yet’.
I still get my period!”‘Period loss’ has been removed from the DSM as necessary for a diagnosis of anorexia, and no other eating disorder requires it. It was viewed as a flawed measure of illness, and so it has been removed. Whether or not you get your period is not an indication of how ill you are.
“But I binge eat without throwing up”Binge eating disorder is a newly added eating disorder in the DSM, where people eat large amounts of food in an ‘out of control’ manner but then do not compensate inappropriately for it. It is very much a real eating disorder.
“I don’t calorie count/ weigh myself!”I know many people with eating disorders- including anorexia- who have never calorie counted, or who don’t own a pair of scales. It’s not required for diagnosis.
“I think about food all the time!”This is a symptom of an eating disorder. Malnutrition causes the brain to focus 100% of its attention on food- finding it, getting it, eating it. Daydreaming or fantasizing about food does not mean you are not sick; quite the opposite, in fact.
“But I enjoy eating!”
Most people do. Eating is enjoyable. Even in the depths of my restriction, the food I ate brought me great pleasure. It’s linked to the previous point, to a certain extent. Enjoying food does not mean you don’t have an ED.
“But this is just how I am!”Eating disorders often start in early childhood, and it can be hard to break out of a pattern that well-entrenched. It’s not impossible, though. Chronic eating disorders can be harder to beat, but they can be beaten.
For more information on eating disorders and what to do if you think you have one, visit


  1. Hi Izzy - is dark chocolate dairy free? I`ve noticed you`ve mentioned it a few times now but I thought it had some milk in it. I`m looking for dairy free chocolate as my supermarket "free from" section has stopped selling what I used to buy.
    Thanks! hope you`re ok and having a good weekend :)

    1. Some dark chocolates are :) there are quite alot of vegan chocolates now or just chocolates that are lactose free so if ypu Google you should find them. But chocolate made with just cacao butter and sugar etc are usually with milk or butter etc