Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, July 8, 2016

Never be fully recovered from an eating disorder?

Something i struggle and dislike reading are articles writen from people about how they will never be recovered from an eating disorder. How they will always struggle with self loathing and negative food thoughts - the only difference for them is that they know the thoughts are there and can somewhat control them.

But is that actually recovered? What type of message does that send out.... ? Gain weight, try to recover, but hey... forgot to mention that you will always have messed up food thoughts, still maybe count calories and hate yourself, but you can atleast notice that the thoughts are there and sometimes eat a cookie without feeling guilty.

To me, that doesnt sound recovered or healthy? Like just accepting that you will always have disordered thoughts or behaviours? That sounds more like a functional sufferer to me.

But i also know that full recovery takes YEARS. Unfortunatly... weight gain and physical health often comes alot faster than full mental recovery, and full mental recovery can take years and its about making choices each day/each moment to go against that negative and controlling voice so that you can be free. In all honesty i dont know when i was fully free from all my disordered behaviour and thoughts as well as self loathing, maybe around 2014 but i was declared healthy in 2012.

Of course then there is the whole thing that i still struggle with depression and anxiety which came along with my eating disorder and those i havent fully recovered, so am i fully recovered from mental illness? No, maybe not but from my eating disorder atleast but it took alot longer than my doctors thought and what i thought as well. First you need to be aware of your habits and question why you do things and the second is then to make changes if what you do or think isnt benefitting you or it is part of your illness... because you often know deep inside what is You or what is your illness.

Picture 1) Struggling to even drink water while being in the mental hospital
Picture 2) Proudly showing my gingerbread cheesecake i had made and looking forward to eating it!

When it comes to calories and negative thoughts about food and your body, you can work to get rid of those thoughts, but then it is about challenging and changing the thoughts. It takes time and trying to listen to your body, of course some people need some form of structure i.e a meal plan all their life because that works best for them, that doesnt mean it is disordered. Others find that they can move onto intuitive eating rather quickly and find balance with that - whatever works best and you find peace and that unless food is something you work with or have as an interest i.e maybe baking or cooking - then it shouldnt be on your mind so often. The more you listen to your body and eat what you want and begin to trust your body, the less you think of calories or macros and those begin to fade. Even if you will always know the calorie content of food and be able to guess pretty accuratly, you should eventually reach a stage where calories are just numbers and not something that stops you and you stop seeing food as numbers but instead as delicious and something you like or dont like not in what is high calorie or low calories.

 I believe that full recovery from an eating disorder is possible, and i do want to believe that full recovery from anxiety and depression is also possible and that is what i am working towards now! So that one day i wont struggle with anxiety or not to the extent i struggle with now, and that depression wont be something reoccuring in my life, but it is a process and about making changes.

The important thing is to not accept the unhealthy behaviours or thoughts. Dont settle for them and think "oh, i will never change. I will never get better", because then you have already lost the battle. Instead you need to decide that "NO, i refuse to live this way with these thoughts or fear or restrictions holding me back. Instead i will make the changes necessary, change my thoughts and behaviours and not let them hold me back".  It can take time - months or years, but it is still possible to fully recover, that is what i believe in. But if you settle and decide that you wont ever get better or that you will always think the way you do, well then that is the case... then you wont get rid of the thoughts or behaviours if you dont try.

This is my opinion on it anyway, and i have contact with many who say they have fully recovered. Of course people can just say they are fully recovered but still just be a functional sufferer, but from what i can see and understand they all seem pretty recovered.

Am i the perfect example of recovered? hahahahh NO. Big no. I have made mistakes and from my blog i know i can seem like i might have disordered behaviours i.e foood pictures, exercise, working with nutrition, my body type? But i know myself that i am fully recovered from my eating disorder, its just my depression and anxiety. .And of course i do struggle with low self esteem and perfectionism as well as lack of ability to cope with stress, but those things i am working on. It all takes time. But my food related issues and body issues are all gone and of course it took many years for that to happen and alot of analyzing over my own behaviours and thoughts and making the changes necessary. And as mentioned, i may have been declared healthy on paper in 2012 but i still wasnt fully recovered back then - and i refused to settle there. Because even if i was SO MUCH BETTER than i had been for the past few years, i realised sometime in 2013 that there will still changes i could make to reach a more healthy mindset!!

We continue to grow and change in life all the time and it is important to not settle for half recovery or think that a certain situation will always be the same way, because it wont. .But it is also about change!


  1. <3 you are such an inspiration Izzy :) <3 xxx

  2. I really admire the will and determination it must have taken you to get where you are now. You are certainly an inspiration that life can get better - that a person can become healthy again. Thankyou for such an honest and moving post.

  3. Thank you for your continued efforts to spread this message of full recovery being possible. I remember being sick and thinking to myself "what's the point of even trying to recover if, at the end, im still going to have these thoughts and feelings? I don't want a life of battling them. If I'm still going to have these thoughts and feelings, I might as well at least be skinny". Talk about toxic and hopeless thoughts! People need to know there really IS a way out, that total freedom is entirely possible. There is a future for you that doesn't invlove "managing" symptoms and ED thoughts. There is actual, total, 100% freedom out there, and it is possible for EVERYONE if you put in the work.