Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, July 9, 2016

Making excuses in life and recovery

Something which you might find yourself doing while sick or "trying" to recover is making alot of excuses as to why you can't actually recover or challenge a fear or do something that is scary but part of recovery.

You come with all types of reasons that hold you back. Whether you say, "i will be fat if i gain weight", "i will hate myself even more when i reach my goal weight", "i wont be happy when i have reached my goal weight", "i cant gain weight because of X or Y", "I dont need to be able to eat x or y food", "i dont need to rest now even though i should - but i have energy so i'll exercise anyway", "Everyone else is exercising, so i will as well", "I cant eat my night snack that contains bread because i already ate bread for breakfast", "I can't eat lunch because i am going to go out to a restaurant to eat dinner"  etc etc etc

I often find that when i have email contact with people, trying to give them advice they often answer back with reasons or excuses as to why that advice wouldnt work for them. All reasons to get out of doing what you should/need to do. Talking yourself out of recovery and giving yourself reasons as to why you can't do something, but all that is doing is holding you back. All the excuses you make just keep you sick and is your illness talking for you, trying to keep you in your comfort zone and not have to face your fears.

But it is when you drop those excuses and begin to really make a change that you begin to progress in recovery.

While i was sick i often gave the reason that i didnt like certain foods so that i wouldnt have to eat them. But once i began to be honest with myself and to try those foods again i realised that so many of the foods i said i didnt like, i actually liked. And many of the foods i did eat i didnt even like, but ate them because they were low calories.

Excuses aren't just in recovery, but in life in general as well. Giving excuses that hold us back in life... of course not all reasons are excuses, i.e sometimes when i dont want to go out due to being very tired that isnt an excuse, that is an actual valid reason just like if someone who has celiac disease say they dont eat gluten that isnt an excuse it is an actual reason.

At times your illness can be a valid reason and sometimes an excuse. For example say if you have plans to meet friends but then your depression or anxiety hits hard and you feel that you can barely function due to it, then it is an actual valid reason as to why you might not go out. But then if you have just a little anxiety or worry about what you might do or worried about the evening because of the unknown or whatever so  you give the excuse, "i can't i am too tired", when in reality it is just a little anxiety and that actually facing that anxiety and leaving would be the best option and most helpful in the long term. If you get the difference? Hard to explain in text.

It is time to stop holding yourself back, both in life and recovery and be honest with yourself. Are you making excuses to get out of things that need to be done or should be done? Are you holding yourself back from progressing in life and/or recovery?


  1. thank you - good post :)

  2. Great post, thank you. I have many friends who are struggling to recover from addiction, and I'm finding the same thing. Endless excuses to remain sick or stuck, clinging to old thoughts and behaviours, addicted to chaos and depression as a means to justify staying stuck. It's heartbreaking. And frustrating. I try to have compassion, as I was once the exact same, but now that I "get it", it's so hard not to shake them, try and make them see the truth. But we cant. We can lead by example, we can talk about our own healing and hope to inspire or teach, but we cant make them change or quit with the excuses. Recovery will only happen when the excuses stop!

  3. I have a question for ya that I already know the answer to but I think i need to hear it from someone else. I'm waiting on insurance acceptance to be hospitalized and it probably will take a week more. i feel very motivated to recover but i dont want to start now because i almost want to be as sick as possible before i go to the hospital. i dont want to gain 5 lbs this week and then go there and have to gain more weight. my bmi is only like 13.5 and the average bmi at the hospital im going to is 11 so i feel like a fake. ive been eating even less than usual despite my motivation to recover because insurance is taking so long to let me get treatment. thoughts?

    1. hello,
      that way of thinking is itself very ill :)
      recovery and sickness are not primarily about weight, though that is important
      but the big part is changing your thoughts. if your thoughts are as you describe, you're already really sick, and your future self will not regret a moment of fighting against it, and will only be proud looking back if you do.
      good luck and take care
      (ps 13.5 is also very dangerous physically, and as for people with 11 - they don't stay that way very long in hospital, and if they don't get better then they die. Don't waste your beautiful life with this. )

    2. Please don`t make yourself any sicker than you already are by eating less. Just because you haven't got a BMI of 11 doesn't mean you are fake, you still need to eat and gain weight. It is pointless eating less before you go into hospital because they will make you gain weight, so really you are just making that process longer.
      Good luck and I wish you well. I hope going into hospital helps you and you stay strong with your motivation to recover. You have the help in place - use it - get yourself well and healthy again. You can be happy and healthy again, just believe in your goals and fight for it.