Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, July 24, 2016

Let go of control and start fighting your eating disorder instead of your bodies signals

There are many ways to calm a negative energy without suppressing or fighting it. You recognize it, you smile to it, and you invite something nicer to come up and replace it; you read some inspiring words, you listen to a piece of beautiful music, you go somewhere in nature, or you do some walking meditation.
Thich Nhat Hanh 

In recovery you need to let go of control, or more... let go of the control you think you have. But in all honesty, when you have an eating disorder you have so little control, the only thing you really control is what you eat but even that isnt really controlled by You, it is controlled by the mixed up signals in your body and mind.
In recovery you need to let go of the need for control.... not try to control everything in life, not try to control others or all situations, but instead learn to "just be". Let things unfold and be spontaneous, not have everything planned to the dot. Because even if that helps - it can definitely help with structure and anxiety and panic - you also need to learn that you can't control life or other people. For example people will be late, you will eat meals at different times, you will go out to eat and they might not have the food you wanted, people will behave in ways you didnt think, situations will unfold in ways you hadnt imagined... they can't be controlled and its part of life and you need to learn to be ok with it.
But also you need to stop fighting your body and start fighting your eating disorder. Your body is telling you it wants food or rest or sleep. Even if your hormones and signals may be mixed up, if you are extra hungry allow yourself to eat more. If you are tired, allow yourself to rest extra and not force yourself to workout because you think you have to or because you want to compensate. Instead fight those thoughts that make you feel like you arent good enough because you eat more or you rest or like you arent smart enough or good enough if you dont always perform at 100%. Allow yourself to just be human and listen to your body... you are not a machine and to find balance and health it means beginning to listen to your body. 
Fight the eating disorder thoughts and the fears, and feel the anxiety or panic and dont let it control you... those feelings will pass and they will not harm you unless you allow yourself to harm yourself. Fight your fears and the controlling thoughts in your head and stop fighting your body. Your body just wants you to be healthy and to find balance, but your mind is fighting your body and you can't allow that to happen. Why let your mind bully your body, or your mind be your worst enemy?
Of course it's not always easy to listen to your body or to just "feel" the emotions, but you have to start somewhere and sometime, so why not start now.... begin with writing down which the ED thoughts are and what you can do to combat them. And allow yourself to listen to your body and follow the signals even if it goes against your eating disorder and gives you anxiety... because that is exactly what recovery is about - defying and going against your eating disorder. Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. And over time, it gets easier and the anxiety lessens and the ED controlling thoughts lessen and you get stronger and happier, but you need to start somewhere and to be honest with yourself and face the difficult thoughts and fears holding you back. And begin to become friends with your body again instead of fighting what your body is telling you. You are human and are allowed to be human.
Treat your body like you would treat a friend!

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