Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, July 4, 2016

Depression - topic series.

I have been asked a few times now if i can do a weekly segment/topic series about my depression and relapse into depression. I have always wanted to keep this place a mostly positive place and havent wanted to be too open about my struggles the past months/year, due to many reasons and also because it could be triggering. Now when i am doing mostly better, but still have my tough days i dont feel super excited about looking into the past and remembering those dark days and how i felt. HOWEVER i do also think it is super important to be able to look back and to learn... what did i do, how did i cope and how did i get through the tough times? Obviously i did something right, even if i dont know fully what it was, though i have some ideas about what could have helped even if it was a long process.

I think it is important to share my thoughts and what i did so that maybe it can help others. I have shared tips, advice and help for eating disorder recovery and recovery from an exercise addiction as well as self harm and purging, but now i can give more advice about depression recovery. Though it is important to remember, that just like with all mental illnesses it is different for everyone. The symptoms shown, how a person recovers, what helps a person recover, how they struggle etc is different.

For example most days i was able to get out of bed and leave the house even if it was just going for a walk, going to the store or having a short gym session, i was able to leave the house. Some people who struggle with depression can't even get out of bed, but that DOESNT mean that one person struggles more than the other. For me, i also struggle with perfectionism and i NEED to be productive, i need to do things and also i knew deep down that if i just stayed at home i wouldnt feel any better. So i made a choice each day to leave the house for atleast 20-60 minutes each day because i knew it would help even if some mornings it took up to 3-4 hours to leave and get ready, when in normal circumstances i can be up and ready to leave within 40 minutes if i dont include the time it takes to blog.

I did things even during my darkest times in depression, i made myself get up and do things. HOWEVER things such as brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, laundry, a clean room, eating enough and eating right... nope, those things werent on top. I could literally go 3-5 days without brushing my hair and go 2 weeks with clothes piling up on the floor because i just DID NOT have the energy to do those things, and then of course a part of my mind said i was lazy and worthless because i couldnt even do a simple thing like clean my room or brush my hair, but it was just too much. I stopped wearing make up completely because it took too much energy to put it on and even more energy to take it off, not to mention that i couldnt care less about my appearance during my dark times. And then of course my medication... i rarely took those even my CF medication because i didnt see the point or i forgot - something i regret now when just a few weeks/months of not taking care of my CF properly has caused a whole lot of breathing problems for me at the moment.

With my blog i know i can help others and that is what i want to do. Also helping to take the stigma away from mental illness and talking about my struggles and what i have been through.


I thought i would do some different segments such as what has helped me, the symptoms i had, how i coped during the dark times etc But if you want to know about something else or more specific or have any questions just comment below and i will answer them in a post in the coming weeks (i.e maybe not a super quick answer ;)) . If you have any other weekly topic segment ideas just let me know, as it can be a good way for me to keep up with regular blogging!!






8 comments:

  1. I think this series is going to be great! It's good to look back on our experiences and learn from them, and you're in a position now to offer some insight on exactly what happened this past year. Even just opening up the topic on your blog is going to be helpful - starting a conversation, a dialogue, about depression. You are doing your part to reduce the stigma of this illness and providing a platform for education and openness about depression. A LOT of people with EDs also suffer from depression (and anxiety, the two often go hand-in-hand), and I think these posts have the potential to speak to and help a great many people. I'm looking forward to this series, especially since I have battled depression as well. THANK YOU FOR having the courage to speak up about something that is so personal, and often uncomfortable, to discuss. We need to normalise conversations about mental health, get talking.

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    1. Thank you :) hopefully I can make a difference or help others, as that is the main reason with me blogging.

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  2. Hi! I have a question for you.
    In recovery, did you get many bloodsugar dips? I have and sometimes they scare me. I get all shaky, pale as a ghost and sometimes My limbs get so weak that i fall to the ground.
    Will this be better?!
    I didnt have this when i was 20 kilos lighter..:/

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    1. I can't remember if I got blood sugar dips during recovery but i can get them now - with the dizziness and faintness. And the best thing is to eat something, rest, drink sime water and make sure to have snacks with you and eat regular meals no matter what.

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  3. Maybe a post about how chronic illness & depression go hand in hand? I have several chronic illnesses (not CF but others that make me constantly nauseous, fatigued, no appetite, cant gain weight etc) and I've found that since developing those I go through periods of depression when amidst a flare up. Now even when I'm not having a flare up I'm depressed and anxious because I'm so scared of the next time that I'm going to feel sick and awful again. I can't work and have lost all my friends and I graduated college but cannot even use my degree bc I'm so sick. Maybe if you've experienced depression as a result of your CF, tips for that?! Thanks!

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much, and especially with a chronic illness which ypu can't do so much about. Talking to someone and trying to reestablish a friendship circle and social life will help, even if it takes time. And I'll write avout my CF and depression in a post coming up :)

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  4. I think its great that you`re going to do a series on depression, and more importantly that you now feel well enough and able to speak out about your experiences. It saddened me to read just how low you had become though and I wish you hadn't had to go through that. Depression is such a debilitating, relentless illness.
    Can I just ask you though how you managed to go through all that without your family noticing (I presume you were at home at the time) and them wanting to help you? No one should feel they have to battle depression alone, its important to reach out for help, even if its just talking out how you feel to someone.
    Thankyou for having the will and the courage to discuss what was a traumatic time for you and I`m sure that by doing so you will enlighten and help many others.
    I hope you can continue to put the worst of the dark days behind you now and get on with your life happy and looking forward to a future. You have so much going for you and you should be so proud that you are mangaging to overcome your depression.

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    1. Thank you :) and I'll write about my family /friends etc in a post. Like what they did/if they knew and what they could have done.

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