Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Depression topic series - Part 1: What helped me feel better/recover

What helped me feel better/recover from depression?

First off i dont know if i am fully recovered yet, i think i am still stuck in this grey zone where i am 80% better than before but not quite 100% back to my old self. But then again i think maybe this is just me?

I can't fully know what helped me get better, it was a combination of things. But i can list the things i think helped me anyway.

Less stress. I cant cope with stress, doesnt matter that my mum had workshops on how to cope with stress and i give others advice about how to cope with stress, i cant seem to do it myself. I've tried numerous techinques but the only thing that really helps me to destress is a complete break from the thing that stresses me. I.e during summer holiday from school work, then i get the chance to destress however it takes so long for all that stress and the impact of the stress to leave my body, so by the time that has happened i have already begun to stress with the new term. But i have found that saying no, taking time for myself and just completely taking a break from everything helps me. Sometimes all i need to do is have a whole week or a few days where i am just by myself and dont do much apart from just the necessities and basics of life.

Of course, being too much on my own and isolating myself is never so good when you are depressed, but for me that was what helped me. To just turn off, not answer messages, not have too many "to do things" and limit all forms of stress and outside pressure or stress.

Less overwhelming thoughts about the future/fear of the future, and more positive goals and dreams about the future which made me excited rather than filled with anxiety.
The future scares me, ALOT. If i beging to overanalyse and think too much about the future and all the unknowns of the future i go into full panic mode and end up with anxiety for hours or days and can have trouble sleeping, that is how bad my fear of the future is. But when i began creating goals, both short and long term goals which are all reasonable within the time frame the more calm and excited i felt for the future. By setting up goals that made me excited, curious and eager for the future the less it scared me - to some extent anyway. If i only focus on the things i know, on the choices i have to make and what i can do to affect the future, the easier it is to cope with the fear of the unknown. But also trying to live more in the now and not focus too much on the future has helped alot.

Probiotics and D vitamin - both are super important.
I believe these are SO important, for everyone! Of course if you get alot of sunshine daily then D vitamin might not be important, but otherwise taking these two supplements is definitely worth your money. Some people might disagree but i personally believe that probiotics are super important as the gut bacteria affects so much in your body, but also when you are stressed or take antibiotics or other medication it will affect your gut bacteria negatively. Also there is apparently research that has linked few gut bacteria with eating disorders... though whether i think that it is just gut bacteria that has to blame for eating disorders, i am a little sceptical but i do think it can play a role.  I have wanted to write a post about those articles i found but never got around to them, so instead will just link to some articles which you can read if you want to and of course do your own research.

Trying to get a regular sleep pattern.

Eating healthy foods.
When in my low moods it is easy for me to just resort to microwave food or to just eat yoghurt (soy) with nuts and muslie or to just eat chocolate or oatmeal 6 times a day. But that doesnt make me feel better... losing structure in my eating and just eating for the sake of energy didnt make me feel better. Instead when i put time into meal planning and having lunch boxes with nutrious food it made me feel so much better and also trying to enjoy the food rather than eating just because i knew i had to. Nnot to mention that when you are depressed your body needs all the energy and nutrients it can get, so just eating food with little nutrients will do you little good. I.e much better to eat brocolli than lettuce or to eat nuts than popcorn!

Going for walks and going to the gym - but ONLY when i truly wanted to. I.e if i was too tired or didnt feel like it, then i didnt. But i made sure to leave the house atleast 20 minutes each day to get fresh air/sunlight.

Listening to podcasts.
Podcasts have been so helpful for me. When living on my own i listened to alot of podcasts and often went for walks in the evening as therapy and helped me to think and then i would listen to podcasts, or when i making food or doing laundry. I didnt feel lonely living on my own, i can be in silence for a very long time but at the same time it is nice to hear some voices and laughing while just doing basic chores or while out walking.

Having to do lists and structure in my life. But not having an overwhelming amount to do each day or week.

Making sure to do something i love each day or having something to look forward to.
It can be something as simple as buying myself a watermelon at the store, going to the gym or getting to watch a new series episode or listen to a new podcast. Simple things i can look forward to the next day.

Less caffeine - or well, i wanted to try doing this but it didnt work. I was so extremely tired all the time that my caffeine amount went up to 1,5g some days. But i did manage 1,5 weeks with only 400mg per day, which is still more than the average person i think?

Thinking positive and challenging the negative thoughts. And whenever i found myself really struggling and with thoughts of suicide i would keep myself away from things or areas where i could harm myself or do something i would regret. 
I would try to stay calm during the extreme emotions and take deep breaths and just lie in bed and cry due to being so overwhelmed with the strong emotions. But i would tell myself, just one more day. And that would be my motivation to keep going, to just get through the day and that tomorrow would be a better day. It is not easy to focus on the positives but i tried to do that as often as i could and even if it was fake at times i would try my best, and then eventually it got easier to see the positives and to believe them as well! But i think all the other factors did a better job than just trying to fake positive thoughts, hahhaha. No matter how much i talk about thinking positive i dont believe that positive thinking cures depression, and even if its something great to do - because you wont lose anything or make anything worse by thinking positive, i.e it can only make things better-  but i dont think faking positive thoughts will suddenly make you happy. HOWEVER, by changing other things in your life and doing other things to help you recover AS WELL as trying to think positive will make it easier to feel more positive in general!

These are just the things i could think of now that have made a little


  1. Thanks Izzy these are fantastic ideas that are helpful! What podcasts do you like to listen to?

    1. I just listen to swedish podcasts ;) I.e tyngre, tyngre träningssnack and träningspodden :)

  2. Unrelated question Izzy, I've over the last 2 months started experiencing low blood sugar, terrible headaches everyday, feeling weak and tired and brain fog...sometimes waking up at 3am v hungry with bad headaches and unable to sleep again. After a major relapse a year ago, I never really tried to eat more than 1500 kcal -2000 kcal and gain weight... Do u think the low blood sugar is a sign I'm at a low weight/underweight or is it just a sign that I need to eat more calories but don't need to gain weight?? Sorry for the long question, but I was wondering if u had experienced something like this before or have any advice? Thanks!!

    1. If you are waking up in the middle of the night hungry, that is a sure sign that your body needs more food. From what you write it sounds like your body needs more energy, and with weight i cant say anything about that but maybe you do need to gain weight as well? if you are eating little calories to try to maintain your body weight then maybe your body weight isnt at its healthy set point. But also the low blood suger, brain fog and tiredness and weakness is signs that something needs to change and i think the best thing you can do is increase your calories by 200-500 each day for a few weeks (i.e if you eat 2000 now, eat around 2500 everyday for a few weeks) and dont weigh yourself. Instead just give your body time to adapt and see if you feel better, and maybe try eating more in the evenings so that you dont wake up hungry. And eat more carbohydrates!! They will give you the glucose your body needs so that you dont feel as tired or with brain fog, also drink enough water. And if increasing your calorie intake (and maybe resting more, if you arent already?), then go to a doctor just in case. I am no proffessional, just giving advice based on what i think from what you wrote :)

  3. Thank you, for answering my question Izzy!! I have seen a professional and they asked me to eat more (2000+ as I was eating 1250) but I've been so scared I'll gain eating 2000 I cut back after 6 weeks to 1500, my headaches have not improved and I think I have lost some weight. My doctor thought if I had these hypoglycaemia symptoms it is because of being underweight like is it true developing low blood sugar is a warning sign for anorexia also?? Hope u have some advice with this? Thank you xxx

  4. It seems as though you are doing all the right things to help turn your depression round - I hope you can continue and enjoy more of your happy, positive days :)
    Trying to cut down on caffeine intake would probably benefit you, I know when I have it I get feelings of anxiety and I get to think my depression is surfacing again. So I avoid it now - have decaff tea/coffee and fruit teas, non caffeine cola. I don`t miss it either :)