Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, July 3, 2016

Becoming attached to recovery?

I found this post which i very much agree with, to some extent and felt i needed to post it. Because i have wanted to write a similar post, just havent found the time.
     Online communities can be helpful but also very destructive as it makes you identify with your eating disorder even more. There is competitiveness and it becomes alot harder to break free because then you feel you are no longer allowed in that little recovery group. There is also alot of comparison, thinking that you arent sick enough or you are too big to be sick or you are eating enough... or wondering why others are 'allowed' to exercise and you arent. 
   Its important to find health, true recovery and ACTUALLY break free from your eating disorder.

And on a side note, yes i have broken free from my eating disorder for a long time ago... my blog is a way to use my past experience to help others, not to hold onto my eating disorder.

Text source from HERE

Online Communities: a place for posting recipes, photographs, inspiring quotes and most importantly, connecting and knowing you’re not the only one trying to get out of the horrific mess of an eating disorder. But are these communities helpful? Do they harm us and our recoveries?
You see, when people think of harmful communities, minds switch immediately to thoughts of pro-ana: a shocking and destructive community that promotes anorexia via extreme methods. It is a place where being egged on to ultimately destroy your body (and your life, relationships… everything, really) is the norm and weight-loss hungry individuals become slaves to ‘thinspiration’ worthy ‘icons’. However, there are also communities (think tumblr, blog spot) that promote recovery. The people that belong to these communities post photographs of meals, report their progress and communicate to support each other. “Wonderful!”, you might think. I know I certainly did when I entered recovery and continued to for a number of years. I thought that this online world was a safe place; a place where people understood me. It was an escape from the outside world where nobodyreally knew what was going on in my head, not even my therapist it seemed. But these people did; and so I made them my friends and my primary support network. It was a relief to have these people around me. They made me feel like what I was doing was ok and my behaviours were completely unalarming. However, it isn’t until I look back that I see the flaws in these communities and how much they slowed and prevented a full recovery. They became almost addictive and they were my only reassurance at times. More dangerously, they lead me to accept that living with these disordered behaviours was the usual: as if being rid of them would make me an exceptional case. The thing is, I didn’t want to be an exception. I wanted to be like them; it was another world to prove myself to and it triggered another desire to fit in. Spending so much time on these sites also meant that my perception of health was constantly warped. There were hundreds upon hundreds of individuals claiming to be “recovered/in remission” who were still living an incredibly disordered lifestyle and engaging in a variety of disordered behaviours (examples include excessive activity and relying on ‘diet’ food choices). I believe that this affects many of those in recovery as it distorts the realistic view of remission. I can also argue that for those who are truly happy in remission would not feel the urge to post about their eating disorder or make a point of ‘intuitive eating’ on a daily basis. As someone who is in remission, I can tell you that food is now simply food and I would have eaten most of it - if not all, by the time I thought to whip the camera out. Yet from these people, I was aiming for something that wasn’t realistic for the average individual, let alone someone in recovery: a slim, toned body whilst eating intuitively with regular (daily) exercise. Let’s face it, if that was a true reflection of recovery then we’d be rid of nearly all our fears. Recovery is not as simple, ‘attractive’ or ‘clean’ - whatever that means, as these people can make it out to be. Most of us have to endure bloating, a disproportionate body and obviously exercise is a big no-no. Not to mention the importance of eating a balanced diet (including fried foods etc.) and obtaining a sustainable lifestyle – i.e. oatmeal/porridge for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for the rest of your life is not going to satisfy you and your every need. Having such influences on a daily basis landed me in a vicious cycle of meeting calorie goals (all of which were ffaaaaaarrrrrrrr too low) followed by a period of restriction. Again, these online communities made this feel normal to me. There were people falling back into restriction left, right and centre. We were each others support and downfall without even realising it. Others would post photos of their new weights. Of course, they were doing so well but god forbid they looked smaller than me else I would convince myself I was ‘overdoing’ recovery and all aboard restriction and blah, blah, blah.
There was also a great sense of ‘belonging’ to these communities which was extremely destructive to my recovery. I’d almost lost sense of the real world and it was another phase that I never wanted to leave: it kept my life revolving around anorexia when really I should have been rebuilding relationships and other aspects of life. I should have been looking to ‘healthy’ individuals for inspiration and not those in the same boat as me. It fed my obsession with anorexia (a label I strangely loved having) and without me realising it, diminished my chances of moving on. 
Of course I am not suggesting that all online communities are harmful. I know that some allow you to truly thrive and battle recovery head on (these are usually moderated forums) but there are a vast amount that can have a negative impact on our mindset, however good their intentions. There can be underlying competitiveness and the conflicting views and ideas as to what ‘healthy’ is trip us up before we even know it. The communities often become central to recovery until the individual is reliant upon other sufferers and use other’s progress to help them feel better about their own. Having the strength to move on and focus on your health alone is vital for a full recovery. I cannot stress enough how important it is that those in recovery involve themselves in the real world again as early on into recovery as possible: rebuild your relationships, pick up old hobbies, whatever it is that you used to enjoy doing. Remember, recovery is about regaining life, not just health. By attaching yourself to the online world you run the risk of becoming attached to recovery - as silly as that may sound


  1. Thank you so much for this - really helpful.

  2. THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS! I have actually written about this very thing elsewhere, how damaging it can be and what a fallacy it is. It prolongs the disorder and one's identity as ED-centric, which is not helpful at all. They become one more place to hide from reality, entertain sickness, and compare oneself to others. Instagram in particular is becoming a very strange place, ego-driven and obsessive. Recovery involves breaking free and standing in your own. Not needing the validation from others, not searching for identity in some external pursuit, not having food, body, struggles and triumphs as the centre of your existence. Recovery means LIVING.

    1. Exactly, recovery is about living and letting go of everything ed related. Though I also feel a little hypocritical because I mean by blogging about eating disorders and such it can seem like I haven't let go. But I guess there's a difference between holding onto my ed and posting lots of sick pictures and ed things compared to using my past experience and turning it into something good and helping others.