Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, July 2, 2016

3 things list:

3 things i want to experience in life.

The west coast of USA. I need to travel and experience the rest of the world!
Seeing the northern lights in real life.
Improvement in mental health care around the world and less stigma around mental illness.

3 things i want to achieve in 5 years time.

Getting a bachelors or masters in my choosen study area!
Travelling to atleast 3 different countries i have never been to.
Visit another theme park - maybe Disney World in Florida.

3 things i want to achieve in 10 years time.

Have some form of my own apartment, where it is a stable living place i.e "no moving out in a year", but somewhere i can live and love living there.
Have a stable job which i love.
Travel to atleast 5 or 6 new countries.

3 things that make me happy.

Cuddling my dog/seeing my dog.
When there is a new podcast available!
My days of "Nothing" where i can just watch series - most enjoyed after a busy and hectic few days, so that my nothingness can be much more appreciated rather than if my whole week is just a week of "nothingness"

3 things that make me sad.

When people are mean to each other or fight.
When dogs are hurt in films or books.
Having to scan/hold so much meat while sitting at the cashier. (Fun fact, i almost wanted to cry yesterday because someone bought so much meat - i had to basically desensitize myself and try to not see the meat for what it actually was. It didnt work.)

3 things i can't live without.

Working out.
My family. Even if i am good at isolating myself and not so social, if think about my family ever just being gone, then i realise i couldnt live without them.

3 things i can live without.

Sexism and racism.
Cat calling.
Gun violence.

3 goals i have this year.

Be happy - as often as i can! And always think positive.
Make a difference even if its just for one person.
Step outside of my comfort zone as much as possible and not say no to things that make me a little uncomfortable or are new.

3 wishes i have.

To win the lottery. 
To go to a vegan cafe/restaurant and order one of every item they have XD
To live somewhere sunny and warm all year round.

3 things that make me who i am.

My ability to listen and give advice.
My analyzing and quietness/withdrawn personality.

My straight forwardness i.e i dont lie (if i dont want to say the truth i wont say anything at all. I cant lie at all as i just end up smiling or fidgeting if i try), but also i say things as they are. Of course i know when to keep things to myself i.e if someone is wearing an outfit i dont think looks good, but the person thinks they look good and they ask my opinion, i am not going to be brutally honest. But most often i am brutally honest and straight forward - as long as it wont cause more harm than good.

3 things i love about myself.

My tattoos. (In fact i was asked a while ago what i loved most about myself and my first answer was my tattoos, hahaha. But that is because i have personally choosen them to be there. I cant choose how my body looks or how my body is shaped, but i have choosen to get the ink on my skin and I love them, and they make me who i am.)
My strength - physically and mentally (even if i am not that physically strong, but compared to before i am very strong, hahah)
My determinedness when it comes to goals.

3 things i need to improve on.

Answering calls and emails and messages. I.e i basically dont do that at all anymore. The only calls i answer are work calls :(:( For some reason i have begun to get alot of anxiety around answering calls and opening messages, even messages from friends so i just dont open them so i dont have to answer them. If anyone has any advice about this, maybe you can comment. Because it is awful to have anxiety about those things so then you just dont answer and then you get even more anxiety because you dont answer .....

My ability to say no when things get too much.

My lack of communication with those around me i.e i need to actually communicate how i feel/what i want with others.

Just a little list i put together myself. And if you want to do it on YOUR blog, then let me know and leave your blog link in the comments so i can read YOUR answers :)


  1. I just wanted to comment on the anxiety over answering calls/opening texts thing, because I have totally struggled with this my entire life. It got worse when my mental health was really bad, I would near panic at the sound of my phone. I'd hide it under pillows or turn it off just to make the sound stop. I had so much anxiety over answering, and then so much anxiety and guilt over the fact that I wasn't answering! This is years and years of this behaviour, too, like over a decade if not closer to two. Over the past two years, I have finally conquered this, and now pretty much always answer calls and text people back right away. I'm sorry to say that this change happened as part of a much larger change within me, there is no quick fix. I had to address my anxiety as a whole, start healing the way i let fear run my entire life. I commented before (at length) about my path to recovery so I won't rehash it here. But the phone thing was just one little symptom of a much bigger problem. It is telling you that you are overwhelmed, fearful, anxious, or all three. One practical thing that helps me today was to simply start doing it (answering immediately), and seeing how much less anxiety I have (as in none) when I deal with an issue right away, rather than letting it linger and stewing in it, which only makes it worse. Anxiety is a totally self-made phenomenon - there is, specifically, zero reality in it. It is there because we don't know how to handle something, or fear we don't know. The best thing to do, then, is learn. Today, I am no longer WILLING to stew in anxiety. I hate the feeling, everyone does, but today I finally understand how to get out of it and have built up some experience about just how good it feels to get out of it as soon as it arises. Today, if I'm not answering my texts, it's only because I was busy and forgot (in which case, as soon as i remember, I will send a quick apology and answer it asap), was feeling lazy (in which case i will jot down in my to-do list "text so-and-so" so i dont forget to do it later), or i honestly just didn't hear it. Same thing, though, just answer it as soon as I can, so it's off the table, out of my mind, and not fuelling my anxiety tank by avoiding it. In your situation, you probably get more messages than me, and most definitely online. I would honestly just put "answer messages " on your to-do list, or set an alert or an alarm on your phone for a time to do it. Make it a clear "to do" item, something you just need to address in a practical manner like anything else. "At 7pm, I will quickly answer any texts that came in today". Stuff like that. Any response is generally better than no response, and you will feel better for having said *something* instead of nothing, if it's an invitation or something that requires you DOING something that is stressing you out, a simple "got your text, a little busy/overwhelmed right now but will get back to you later" is enough to satisfy them and you. Basically, immediacy is the cure for anxiety with this kind of thing. The longer you let things go and build up, the worse it feels. The quicker you address it, the quicker the bad feelings go away. Sounds so simple, I know, because it is. If it is not simple, then you - like me - have a much bigger issue with anxiety in the background that needs to be dealt with. Literally EVERYTHING gets easier in life once anxiety is no longer weighing youndown

    1. Thank you so much for this. And you're right, there's most probably a reason behind the anxiety and it's not so much the messages giving me anxiety rather than maybe what the message will entail or stress or whatever it may be. But I might just have to start with "answer messages " on my to do list. I did that in the past (I always have to do lists and what is most important and least important), but then answering messages gave me too much stress and anxiety so I stopped having it on my to do list and now just stopped all together and don't even want to answee calls. But the fact that I have realised this is a problem and I know there's a solution, it's the first step!

  2. P.S - I love this post, it's always nice getting a glimpse of personal life stuff in blogs, and I like reading about what makes you tick and seeing the differences and similarities with myself. I think one reason I keep reading your blog is because I see so much of myself - especially my younger self - in you, and it's neat to watch the journey from sick youth to self-aware adult :) Not to mention I think you have a heart of gold, and even though I'm just some anonymous reader, I feel invested in your life and think you have so much potential. I know you often struggle about whether to keep blogging, or which direction to take your blog, but I for one hope you continue with it. It's so cool to see, in real time, someone growing up and growing into themselves. From where you started to where you are now, it's amazing. And it's only going to get better, I think, if your goals are anything to go on! I appreciate how honest you are here. I know there is a certain amount of self-censorship involved, particularly with people you know reading here occasionally, but even with that I still find you way more open and vulnerable than most other bloggers (which, frankly, get super dull because they whitewash their blog lives and it's simply not engaging or relatable for me). Thank you for sharing, this post inspired me to pull out my "dreams journal" from last year and reevaluate my goals and hopes :)

    1. Haha thank you :) I'm glad to hear that you still want to keep reading my blog ;) and you give such good advice as well, and great reminders! ! It's lovely to read your comments!

  3. Why do you think you have suddenly developed an aversion to meat - not just eating it yourself but handling it at work?

    1. Because it's dead animals and I rather not put that into my body and the fact that I have to handle so much dead animals makes me sad and wish I didn't :( wish more people would realise that meat = dead animal. And that is not right ethically or morally to kill animals just for food when we don't even need meat to survive/get energy.

    2. But millions of people have been eating meat since Stoneage times, our bodies are designed for a mixed diet so I can`t say you are justified in saying it is wrong morally and ethically to kill animals for food. We derive essential nutrients from meat. I do think though that with todays resources for a wider diet personal choice can come into play, a luxury people didn't have before.
      If you cannot separate your personal feelings from your job then maybe you are in the wrong type of employment. People eat meat - fact - and so did you until a very short time ago.

  4. I agree with Liz - its best to open/answer your messages as soon as you can, or have a dedicated time slot for them as that way anxiety about "what they might be" and the volume of them doesn't have a chance to take root. Ask yourself what you are scared of by opening them, is it commitment to maybe doing something you don`t want to do or is it fear of bad news? Whatever it is it is obviously something you don`t want to face, even if that's just contact with the person that sent it.
    Don`t let this anxiety build into a phobia, try and nip it in the bud now if you can. If you don`t it will only cause you more stress and anxiety because you will worry over the messages you haven't opened and thus increase your stress. Ask yourself what is so terrible that is stopping you, maybe you just feel you don`t want the intrusion of the outside world in your life?
    If you can`t bring yourself to tackle the anxiety yourself then maybe its time to talk to someone about it before it gets too deep rooted and causes you problems?
    I think you have done an amazing job tackling your depression so far, many people would not have been able to achieve what you have on their own, so you should be really proud of yourself for managing to turn your life around this far. So don`t let this fear/anxiety hold you back. You have overcome so much and I`m sure you can overcome this as well, but you need to find out why you are doing it.
    Take care :)

    1. Thank you so much. I guess the fist step is recognizable that this is a problem and that I need to do something about it! But also realizing that there is most likely a bigger reason causing the anxiety than just messages and phone calls.