Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, July 30, 2016

17 days of work in a row and new running shoes


Hello!

Day 7 out of 17 working days, and in all honesty... i just want to lie in my bed and sleep for a while. Today i dont want to work... at all. But at the same time i do want to work because it gives me something to do and i do enjoy it, but i do want some time to just be at home as well... but that will have to wait until 10 more days. My lack of ability to say no has lead to 17 work days in a row. Though my work shifts are only 6-8 hours long so they are managable but in a sense my whole day goes towards work because 1) i get up and get ready 2) go for a walk or workout or just stay at home until it is work time, 3) work my hours, 4) im so exhausted i just come home to eat and then sleep before a new day. So there is nothing exciting to write about my days or anythinge exciting i am doing... its just work.

Aside from work i am apartment hunting as much as i can... but nothing great has come from it yet. So the anxiety and fear is building up as each day passes... worried that my autumn wont turn out as planned and that i will end up not being able to study and ill end up in Stockholm with no school, no work and an ended relationship. That is not how i want my autumn to be and it scares me so much that if i dont find living in Gothenburg, then that is exactly how my autumn will be. THough of course there might still be work for me if i stay in Stockholm, but all i want to do is to begin studying and get back into that routine again. 

Otherwise... i got my first paycheck and it feels amazing... Even if most of it is being saved to the autumn i knew i needed to treat myself to something, and i was caught between 1) getting my haircut, 2) getting a massage or 3) getting new running shoes.

And after some thinking the choice was obvious. I do alot of walking and standing at my job and i dont have the right shoes so at the moment i have SO MUCH knee, hip and back pain. It is ridiculous really, i have had to walk around with compression sleeves on my knees and taking a whole bunch of anti inflammatory pain killers for my hips. This of course makes exercise impossible even if i wanted to. 

So now finally i have gotten the time to go buy new shoes and also insoles so that now my feet will have the support they need and hopefully the pain will pass. But also i have a 10 km run/rcae in 2 weeks time and i didnt think i would run it because i havent been running recently but i have decided i want to run it. Even if i wont run it in 40 minutes like i had applied for, i will do my best and have a good time and run with my step dad, and it will be my 3rd year in a row running it. So now with new shoes i am so excited to run!

But i just wanted to write that it is SO IMPORTANT with the right shoes and support for your feet. Whether it is your work shoes or exercise shoes, please invest in good ones!! Especially if you are a runner or do alot of walking or standing... knee, hip and back pain can all stem from the wrong shoes. So save up - that is what i have done now, and it is worth it to have the right shoes!

For now it is back to work and i am longing to get home again, hahaha!

I hope you all have a lovely Saturday and a lovely weekend :)


24 comments:

  1. Izzy, are you all right? You are so skinny!! You aren't losing weight intentionally, are you? I am so worried about you :\

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    1. I am fine, and no i have not lost the weight intentionally. It was due to many different reasons and i have already put on some of the weightlost!

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  2. I agree..you look emaciated again. It's hard to look at.

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    1. ??? This comment was unnecessary rude and a little extreme?

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    2. I agree, not very nice. You look fine Izzy, and clearly you are a wise and thoughtful person who is trying hard. Life has ups and downs, and I have no doubt you will ride this out just fine. Just keep staying positive and trust in yourself and your family (who know you better than anyone).
      xx

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    3. Don`t take any notice Izzy, this was just plain rude and uncalled for. I think you are looking well and happy, and managing just great. Your weight is your affair and your business and you have already stated numerous times that previous loss was not intentional and you are doing something about it. At this people should back off and refrain from making unhelpful (and hurtfull) comments.
      Don`t let this upset you. you are doing great:)

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  3. Izzy, you may consider to contact Mando again, they can help you get back on track because its hard to do it yourself! Also maybe a vegan diet is not optional for you right now? I know you have other problems that you see as bigger, but it only gets harder if you don't eat properly because then you cant think rationally. I know you already know all this.. And please don't work so Much, you need time for yourself to handle your wellbeing! Otherwise you are just running from your problems �� don't stress about school because school Will Always be there, but your health wont. I would focus on getting healthy before anything else, because you have to do it sometime anyway, it wont just magically dissappear just because you move. Please see this izzy, do something before it hits you harder. We all care so Much about you and we all know you can live a healthy and happy life, but you have to want it yourself.. If we can help you in any way, please let us know<3

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    1. Just because a person has lost weight doesnt mean they have an eating disorder - even if i have had an eating disorder in the past. The weightloss is not intentional, and i have made efforts to eat more and now i have already gained weight, and not much to gain until i am back to my normal weight. Of course health always comes first and i know that, but at the same time i know that i dont function well with not having anything, then i will just fall deeper into depression if i have absaloutly nothing. So either working or school is necessary for me to have structure and balance in my life.

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  4. :/
    Sorry, but I am really worried about you Izzy.
    Hope you are doing OK (on the inside, mentally). I know you don't share everything on your blog... I hope you are on the right track! :)

    Hugs <3

    Do what you know is right for your health ...whatever that means - you'll know if there is...

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    1. Dont worry i am doing fine :) I am having plenty of good days and doing much better and also i am gaining weight, so dont worry about that :)

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  5. Hey!
    Have you ever searched for peer support in the swedish cystic fibrosis community? There might be someone who is struggling or have experienced similar problems to yours: hard to maintain/gain weight, depression and breathing problems.
    Just a thought :)
    Stay storng and positive! Make dreams into plans!

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    Replies
    1. THere is a swedish CF community but i am not that interested in joining it... though it might be helpful. However unfortunatly patients with CF aren't allowed to meet each other in person, so it would be online i could talk to them. However there is a therapist at the CF center because many with CF do need/want to talk to a therapist so i might turn to her if i feel it is necessary!
      And of course, staying positive is very important and something i do daily :)

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    2. Okey :) It´s great to have options if you ever need some support from them.

      Btw. Any chance you could share your homemade scone recipe :) Looks yummy!

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    3. Why aren't you guys allowed to meet each other in person??

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    4. As viruses/bacteria can spread. I.e if they cough and have a bacteria which I don't I can end up very sick if I get that bacteria. Or that's what I've been told anyway.

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  6. I assume it was not the best decision to become vegan, as you now struggle more to maintain your weight, as you've written a couple times. Of course all those vegan foods can be delicious and healthy, but only in addition to other food groups. Especially for people like you, who have a very high metabolism and work out regularly. You don't necessarily need to be vegan to contribute to a better environment, i.e. you can buy more organic food, eat less animal products instead of avoiding them completely. In the long term it is not a good choice for your health. People who really care about you will understand and won't judge you as a 'bad person' if you are not a vegan anymore.

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    1. My weightloss at the beginning wasnt all due to my change in diet. There were many more factors involved and not all of them mentioned on the blog. But also i had begun losing weight before i turned vegan... i.e i had lost weight due to all the stomach pain i was having and not being able to eat, and then i got an inflamed pancreas which made it very very hard to eat enough and combined with veganism that wasnt a good idea, but then when my stomach settled and less pain i increased my portions again and now i am gaining weight again, because i know i need it and because i want to.
      For now i dont see myself eating animal products and minimizing my contribution to animal abuse but of course health comes first. And i know i wouldnt be a "bad person" or whatever if i had to go back to eating animal products, there is so much else i can do to help (i have written this many times, because i know a vegan diet isnt for everyone). But for now as i am managing to gain weight while still eating a vegan diet i see no point in changing anyway, and i am pretty sure i would end up with a whole bunch of stomach pain if i began to eat animal products again which would just mean that i eat less anyway.

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    2. A little late, but I don't want to leave it unanswered. Thank you for your time and answering my post. I was just a little worried because as you said, vegan isn't for everyone. But I didn't see the whole picture. As long as you keep eating intuitive, everything is fine (:

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  7. I like the color of your new shoes! Could you also share more vegan recipes

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    1. Thank you!! I love the colour too, so i hope they last :) I can try do that when i remember!

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  8. Wow that's a lot of working! You're very dedicated- I'm super impressed and good for you for saving! I really hope you find a good apartment soon- I'm sure something will turn up. And I know it might not be much help, but try to think that everything happens for a reason. It works for me at calming my anxiety. I also love your new shoes and so glad you decide to treat yourself. I do think you are pushing yourself quite hard lately with the long works shifts, weightloss, race and sore muscles. Obviously you and your family know what is best for you but I hope you will give yourself some time to relax and just rest. Very proud of you for how well you are managing with all the changes in your life though and I hope things become more positive for you soon. Sending you lots of love and energy! :)

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    1. Hahaha, i wouldnt call it dedicated more like... "can't say no!". But i do enjoy work so its no problem anyway.
      I do agree that work is maybe not the most balanced, but it is just a summer job and this was what i wanted i.e to work alot. As long as it doesnt make me sad or unhappy or stressed then i see it as fine, it just makes me a little tired sometimes (understandable) but otherwise it is fun and i enjoy going to work, hahah, as crazy as it might seem!
      I only have one race this year and that will be run with my step dad... last year i ran 6 -8 races i think, so i think one just for fun is fine, hahaha.

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  9. Good luck with your race, I hope you do mange to run it and your hip and knee pain doesn't hold you back - I know how much you love running! love your shoes too!
    Don`t let the comments on here about your weight get you down, you know you are doing your best and that's all that matters. I think you are doing just great.
    That is a long stretch of work days you have ahead of you. you are so right in saying you need the correct support from your shoes to help prevent your hip and knee pain. when I worked in a nursing home I was on my feet 90% of the time so had to buy decent shoes - and when I did, I certainly noticed, and felt, the difference. so an investment is definitely worth it. Orthogel insoles are very good, I use them even now to support me when I am walking as I am prone to back pain.
    Hope your work schedule passes ok for you and you manage to have a rest or do some nice things for yourself during your hours off. look forward to hearing more about your race! try not to stress too much about finding living accommodation for the autumn, I`m sure it will all work fine and you still have plenty of time. could you actually go to where you will be studying and look for yourself, ie visit property agents? I hope it all works out for you as I know just how much you want this. if worse comes to worse for whatever reason I am sure you won`t be left with nothing in the autumn, perhaps there are other places closer to home you can study instead and your job may be able to continue also? But I`m sure it won`t come to that.
    Hope you have a good weekend and heres to a happy and healthy week ahead for us all!

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  10. If you get the chance - and the time (!) could you post more about your job? like what you are actually doing, what you enjoy most and what your colleagues are like? have you made any friends and what is it like dealing with the public all the time/ any funny scenarios? I`m just interested and I know you love your job because you`ve said so - even if it does make you tired :)

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