Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, June 16, 2016

When you work two days and are already in need of a break

Hello and good morning!

After 2 days of work, and yesterday i was filled with lots of anxiety when i was done working as i think i made a few mistakes, and when it comes to money you dont really want to make mistakes. So that anxiety was heavy on my shoulders all evening yesterday so it was a relief when i finally got to sleep, and then slept in until 9.45am. I cant even remember when i slept this long, but my body and mind definitely needed it and i have nothing planned for the day anyway so i dont feel like i am "Missing out on the day" because i have slept so long.

I do like my work but it is also very stressful and had some rude customers yesterday, people trying to steal and others get angry at me because i wasnt fully sure what to do what they were asking.... I definitely had a moment of wanting to cry yesterday just from the whole thing, not because a customer was rude... but because i dont like the feeling of not being able to do what i should be able to. But i will learn, i will get better, and today i am just happy that i have a day off. Or i have more than a day, i have a week off from work if i dont get called in. A part of me wants more hours to work i.e more hours work = more money, also gives me a structure and i dont mind working 7-8 hours a day. But then another part of me which tells me that i am no good anyway, that reminds me of the stress tells me that i should work as few hours as possible just so that i dont have to feel the feeling of 'i am not good enough'. Anyway.....

My free day today and all i wanted was to go out for a morning walk in the sunshine as it has been sunny the past two days. But nope, today it is pouring down with rain and no sign of stopping. There goes my idea of walking in the sun, wearing shorts and trying to get some colour, hahahaa.

I guess its a good day when my worst problem is that it is raining ;););)

However i think i will wrap up in water proof clothes, go for a walk and then just lay in bed for the rest of the day!!!


I hope you all have a great day whatever you may be doing :)



3 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear you`ve had a bit of a rough start at your new job, its never easy being new and having to learn all the new things you have to do, but it will get easier the more you do it. And I suppose in time you will get used to difficult customers too :( I think I would prefer to know what days I was due to work and what hours instead of waiting to hear because like you say that gives you some sense of structure.
    In the meantime though if it is causing you lots of anxiety there is nothing stopping you continuing to look for different work, I mean maybe this job just isn't for you. Its not worth getting stressed out over so maybe there is something out there that you will get on with better.
    Hope you have a nice day off and get to relax and unwind :)

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  2. I think you'll be fine. There's always a few days of "oh crap, what did I sign on to do here??" when I start a new job. The reality of being new is not as nice as the idea of working when you're looking for a job :/ But you will adjust, trust me. I remember when I was unemployed for a long time do to my mental health stuff, and starting a job again was really overwhelming. I went from basically doing whatever I wanted, focusing only on me, to suddenly having to be somewhere, performing tasks I wasn't good at yet, and i definitely had moments where i secretly wanted to pack it in, run from the responsibility, go back to being unemployed. But i adjusted. After a couple weeks, i was used to getting up, getting ready for work, doing the job (and doing it well! You will be used to your tasks in no time, trust me). It was no longer exhausting or overwhelming, it was just my routine. Basically by the time I got my first paycheque, I was fine. My partner is currently unemployed and is facing the same fears about going back to work, he's afraid it'll be too much for him or he won't be able to handle it. I tell him the same thing - you just have to do it, accept there's going to be a couple weeks of adjustment, and then you'll be good to go. I know you'll be fine, Izzy. Customers can suck, but cash registers are fun :D I kind of miss that type of work, you can basically Zen out or shut down your brain once you have it all down pat. And you might find some work friends. I have always made friends at work rather than school as an adult (like you, I made precisely zero friends at school, outside of facebook additions). You can do this! You have already survived Hell on earth, so what is there left to fear? (Okay, //pep talk :P)

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  3. Hey there! Don't worry about it too much, it will get better, trust me. When I started in my current job I felt exactly the same. Unsure about the environment, about what to do, how does it work and yes even a bit scared of people. And the feeling of wanting money and having structrue battled with me not wanting to go there, because I was afraid I would make a mistake. I know it is cliché, but it really gets better with time. You'll learn everything, get used to the environment and feel comfortable in it. And don't even worry about the mistakes you might make, it's not the end of the world. I made quite a few when I was starting. Look on it from the bright side, these mistakes often make great stories to tell ;) Like the one how I, by accident, smashed a giant and very very very expensive lollipop (I work at candy store) and when I picked up what left from the lollipop, the plastic around it torn and all the tiny little pieces of rainbow scattered on the floor. It was embarrasing at the moment, but life goes on and now it is something like our personal joke in work ;) So really, it's gonna be ok, I mean it. Relax for now and then allow yourself to make those beginner mistakes, we all have done them and that's how you learn ;)

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