Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Life update: Increased life motivation, worrying for the future, increased energy, workout motivation and appetite

Hello :)

Even if i dont have so much to do during summer time it still feels like the days pass all too quickly and i never get around to blogging.Its 2.20pm now and the first time since this morning i have remembered that i have a blog. It might be the fact that i amnt doing so much but time passes quickly, so i dont actually have anything to write about.

But i thought i would do a life/thought update!

So, yesterday i found out that if i study in autumn it will be in Gothenburg i.e 4-6 hours train ride away. The courses i applied for in the university i have studied at are either cancelled or i need to have studied certain courses before being able to study those courses. So if i get accepted to programs or courses it will be in Gothenburg. Which of course makes me super happy - if i get in! But at the same time, so nervous and scared and anxious.
 Trying to find an apartment will be so much harder as i wont be able to see the apartment beforehand and also when/if i move ill have to pack most of my things with me. Luckily my step dad has worked in Gothenburg and has contacts there so that should hopefully help and my sister has contacts there as well, and i might talk to some people i know online who study there and see if they can help me find an apartment if i get in... so hopefully that will sort itself. And not cause too much  worry and stress these few weeks before i know where i get.

But then also i hope that i get into the program which i want to study which is either 3 or 4 years, and well... then i  would move to Gothenburg for those 3-4 years. Which then gets me wondering about my relationship... i dont know if i could manage a long distance relationship if i moved to Gothenburg. When i studied my course and lived on my own there were times i felt like it "wasnt working", i am not so good at communicating and that is not so good when you are doing a long distance relationship, and sometimes it felt like when it had gone X weeks and we hadnt seen each other and barely talked i felt like there "wasnt anything there", but then we would meet agian and everything felt fine. But those times when it went weeks and you begin to question whether the relationship is true or not etc  And if i move to Gothenburg then we wouldnt see each other for weeks/months as he works 4-6 days a week and i wouldnt be able to travel to Stockholm so often... so all of those thoughts stress me out, but i know its silly and stupid to think like this. Why worry now? But i have no one to talk to about it as i dont want to talk to my family about it and i dont want to talk to my boyfriend about it until i know whether i will be studying and moving in autumn or not...

But i am going to just focus on enjoying summer and hopefully working and saving up money!

Otherwise i have regained workout motivation, an appetite and more energy and just feeling overall great. Or well,  a little worried that i might lack nutrients or vitamins in my diet but i will find out soon as i have 2 days of doctors appointments and tests awaiting me. So then if i lack something my blood tests will show that, but i think it might be iron but i dont want to take supplements until i know.


But in general i am feeling rather good! Ups and downs as usual but trying to not worry or stress so much. Instead enjoy the energy i have, enjoy the lack of stress and "musts" and enjoy my workouts where i dont have to be finished by a certain time, but instead just allow everything to take a little longer. I thought about how strange it is to not be studying, how i dont need to open a book and start memorizing and taking notes... but it is a very nice feeling at the same time!!

So to all of you taking your exams, soon the stress will be over and you can have some breathing time and to destress! You will feel so much better then!!!



11 comments:

  1. Please be careful with veganism. I think it's a lovely idea but you've lost so much weight and I'm so scared for you.

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    1. I am aware of the fact that i have lost weight and am trying to regain the weight, but weight gain doesnt happen over night.

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  2. I'm so glad that you're feeling better :-) and you're so right - why worry about it now when you don't even know it will happen for definite (jump that hurdle when you get to it!). I am worried for you though, I know you said you lost weight but it looks like quite a lot :( I hope you don't mind me saying that though - I know everyone has ups and downs with weight and it never stays the same, but I also know how even when people are recovered you can still be quite vulnerable to anorexic ways if you lose weight, even if you aren't aware of it. I know that when I'm stressed and I lose weight all of the disordered thoughts I used to get suddenly come back without me even realising! And they convince me that it's all fine because I'm "recovered" and give me excuses to cut certain things out of my diet. I'd just be careful! Lots of love and hope you're okay xx

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    1. Thank you :) I dont weigh myself so dont know how much weight i have lost but the fact that i have noticed it, my family and now readers notice it as well, i am sure that it is more than just a few kilo. But i am trying my best to regain weight, it is just that it is not as easy as people think. But my goal is to regain the weight, my weightloss has not been intentional but due to the fact that i havent been able to eat as large portion sizes ever since i was in hospital and also the food i have eaten hasnt been as calorie dense as before, so i am aware of this. I havent exactly been the best role model on how to gain weight, but i am trying my best now :) I dont have any eating disorder thoughts or any weird food/body/exercise thoughts, which in the past i did get sometimes if i lost alot of weight but i am doing good now :)

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  3. Izzy - please take care of yourself. I hate commenting about something like this but you have lost a lot of weight. I know you are aware of that. i lost so much weight when i became a vegan - i reintroduced cheese/kefir/yoghurt and eggs. my health and glow increased and i became and healthy again - my hair grew well and my nails also. I am still vegetarian and do all i can for animals, i try to source my eggs/dairy from ethical places.

    If you feel stressed please talk to someone or talk to us! we are always here for you - just like you are here for so many people.

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    1. My health will always come first, but i dont feel unhealthy physically or mentally and i dont want to give up veganism, i am going to regain weight eating a vegan diet :) I am aware of the weightloss and it has not been intentional, that is why i have addressed it here.

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  4. Izzy - please take care of yourself. I hate commenting about something like this but you have lost a lot of weight. I know you are aware of that. i lost so much weight when i became a vegan - i reintroduced cheese/kefir/yoghurt and eggs. my health and glow increased and i became and healthy again - my hair grew well and my nails also. I am still vegetarian and do all i can for animals, i try to source my eggs/dairy from ethical places.

    If you feel stressed please talk to someone or talk to us! we are always here for you - just like you are here for so many people.

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  5. Dear Izzy, I'm glad to hear you had such a good day today and felt energized and happy. I think Jennifer Anniston captured today's society best by saying 'you're damned if you're too thin and you're damned if you're too heavy.' I'm sorry you're getting comments about your weight loss but I do believe they come from a place of care and compassion rather than judgement (or so I hope). If veganism works for you, then that's wonderful and I'm glad it makes you feel good while doing the planet good. X

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    1. I dont take anyones comments as critique, i know they care so i dont take it as an attack, as that isnt the case. But i am aware of my weightloss, so its not like i havent noticed it, but weight gain doesnt happen quickly for me but i am trying my best now :) And i feel great eating a plant based/vegan diet and know that i am making a difference for the planet and the animals as well as i feel great physically and mentally even if my weight isnt where it should be for optimal health!

      And thank you :)

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  6. I`m so glad everything is going well for just now and you are happy! Good news about the course you want to do, I hope you get in even if it does mean you having to relocate quite far from home. Try not to worry about how things are going to work out, you will be able to make proper plans when you have a definite answer.
    As for relationships, that's a tricky one. Many people have a long distance relationship and it works for them, but I think its one of those things where you won`t know if it works for you until you try it. You can`t plan or pre-empt how you will feel so just let your relationship speak for itself if your move goes ahead. You will soon know whether long distance is working for you both. But for now there is no point worrying over "what might be" because it may not!
    Good to hear your new diet is working for you and you are happy with what you are doing. I`m sure your weightloss will recover in time, what with being ill and changing the way you eat I`m not surprised you have noticed weight changes but you`re aware of that and working on it so I`m sure you`ll soon be back to your normal weight, you just have to think of different ways of achieving it:)

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  7. As an after thought where your relationship worries are concerned, have you thought that the time you will manage to spend together will be even more special?
    And you can maintain contact through telephone calls, messages - send actual cards and letters - they can mean so much. You say your boyfriend works 5/6 days a week now so its my guess that you don`t see a great deal of him even now, and your relationship has survived this long:) Try not to worry about it and let the path take its natural course. You will both know whether its working for you when it actually happens. Long distance doesn't have to mean an end to a relationship, you just have to be more creative so that you can keep it going.

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