Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, June 30, 2016

Learning self love - my self love journey

Self love wont happen just because you lose weight.

Self love won't happen by comparing yourself or your body to others.

Body love and acceptance wont happen just because you have a six pack or a thigh gap or a flat stomach.

Body confidence won't come just because you weigh a certain number.

Body confidence and self love won't happen by following a restrictive diet or doing hours fo exercise you don't like.

Self love wont come from constantly trying to change your body.

Self love and body acceptance/love comes from the inside and not from constantly trying to change your body. Self love happens when you begin to love yourself - all of you and not just focus on the outside and your appearance. Because you are so much more than that. You are not just your legs or your arms or your stomach or your face, you are YOU. You are your personality, hobbies, interests, your laugh, your smile, the things you enjoy, the things you dislike. And self love comes from embracing all of those and also embracing the less positive sides of yourself - because we all have them in some form or another. And by accepting the "flaws" whether its ones that are physical or ones that are behavioural, you need to accept them.

Such as if you are an introvert but wish you were an extrovert, instead accept who you are instead of wishing to be someone else and instead just try to challenge yourself to be more of an extrovert and do things outside of your comfort zone, but all the time embracing and loving who you are. People are different, both in looks and behaviours and personalities and that is what makes us unique.

You will never look like someone else, doesnt matter if you try to eat the same as them or workout the same as them or live the same way as them, you wont ever look or be the same person as them. Instead you need to find all the positives about yourself and embrace them!!

Whenever i write posts about self love or accepting your body i get comments telling me that, "It's easy for me to love myself when i have the body i have, and when i am tall and blonde or look the way i look.".... that it is easy for me to love myself because i have a certain trend body (??).

But i actually find that a little degrading to say, and i know it sounds silly. But for me self love isnt natural - the natural and easy thing for me is to see all my flaws, for me to bring myself down about my appearance and to dislike what i see. So for me to have come so far in my self love journey that i like WHO I AM 98% of the time is awesome, and also to not care about bloating or weight or any of that. Of course i have had this mindset for several years now, so it isnt something new or revolutionary for me. But just the fact that i have spent the majority of my life hating myself and hating my body and wishing to be someone else, but now reached a stage of loving myself and who i am, including my body at all weights and sizes - and then someone comes and says It's so easy for you to love yourself when you look the way you do. It's like they take away all my hardwork and my self love journey?

If that makes sense.

Reaching my stage of self love has little to do with my body, weight or exercise/food and almost everything to do with my mindset. Changing the way i see myself and think about myself. Learning that it is ok to make mistakes, learning to accept those things in my behaviour or personality which i dont like so much and either trying to change them (i.e actually answer phone calls and not isolate myself - 2 behaviours i dont like about myself and dont want to accept, instead need to work on changing), or accept them. But then also i cant deny that strength training has given me a form of confidence and physical strength which matches my mental strength as well as making me feel like i am good at something as well as it being a huge enjoyment which ADDS to self love - when you feel good at something and do things you love!

Each day think positive things about yourself and your body.

Write down small positive things about yourself on notes and keep them where you can see them.

When you look in the mirror or have negative thoughts, change them... for each negative thought you counteract it with 3 positive ones! 

Stop following accounts that trigger you or make you feel bad about yourself and just follow inspirational accounts.

Do things you enjoy and things you feel good at - which are positive ones!!!

Dont spend so much time infront of the mirror and NO body checking, measuring or weighing.

Stop looking at magazines or shows that trigger you or make you feel like you arent good enough.

Surround yourself with positive people.

Allow yourself to have bad days and know that we all have flaws in some form or another, and that is ok. But dont let those bad days define you.

Accept bloating - it happens to everyone.

No body checking photos.

And finally:

Do things you love and spend little time thinking about your body. The more time you spend living the less time you have for your body and for body checking or comparison!!!

^^ This was one of the most important and helpful things in my self love journey. To actually live life. If i just sat at home eating and resting all day then its like my thoughts automatically went to my body, but when i began school again, began to live life and make friends and find hobbies then my focus was less on my body and more on my goals, dreams and to do list - and of course all the school work i had which took up 90% of my brain capacity!!!

1 comment:

  1. That is really true, self love comes from the inside no matter what size you are! Then it might be a little "easier" for people that have a "normal/healthy" weight who fits into normal cloth sizes and such.. I think it is more of a struggle for those who are a bit bigger than the "ideal" when it feels like your body isn't in the "normal" range since you can't find clothes and it is harder to move with excess fat etc. Don't get me wrong with this, it's still a hell of a struggle even for people who are lean since it's all in our heads :)

    I also have a question for you, I'm recovered since 4 years and I have been following you since I was sick myself, because I'm very interested of peoples development and our journeys are quite alike. I had activity problems as you and after I got declared healthy I still struggled a lot with training and eating enough. I got into that fitness lifestyle just as you did and it was not healthy. Now I have gotten out of that but I still eat healthy foods like you are, but I don't have problems with eating junk food and it doesn't give me anxiety or bad thoughts. I love the food I'm eating and my energy levels never drops because I eat so good foods for the body. Though now my friend is questioning me and thinks that I'm only eating diet food and not eating varied, although I consider my diet very varied and healthy since I eat so much different foods but I choose slow carbs, healthy fats and mostly lean protein, as well as sometimes eating whatever is served and having treats as well. She thinks that it's sick that I can choose to make banana ice-cream or a bowl of yoghurt with a nice muesli and fruits instead of a bag of candy or whatever. Though I really don't like the taste of candy as it's so so sweet and feels so chemical. Then I much rather give myself fruit salad or whatever that I actually enjoy and it fills me up and gives me energy for longer than just 30 min sugarrush and then downfall completely. I consider it to be a lifestyle and I really really like it. It suits me so good and I feel strong mentally and physically because I get so much good energy, rather than only eating like pizza/pasta dishes and feel very sluggish and not feeling full after a meal, or just uncomfortable fullness. Is it my mind playing tricks with me and is she right telling me I'm not healthy or can one actually choose to have this type of foods and be fully healthy? I consider myself healthy but I also get her point as she thinks that normal people doesn't care what they eat, they just eat. What do you think about this? Sorry for a very long post lol =)