Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Healthy while underweight?

I often get asked whether a person really needs to gain the last few kilo or whether they have to be a healthy/normal weight to be declared healthy. Why cant they stay underweight... because they like the way they look? Im sure many might recognize that type of thinking.

i used to think that way as well. When i was struggling with trying to gain the last few kilo, not even trying to gain weight because i was scared. I thought i would be fat, that i would hate myself. I was scared to let go. I was still controlling my food, i still had fear foods. I didnt want to gain weight. This is a bit i wrote from a post back then:

So why? and again Why.... does Mando care so much about the number on the scale... it doesnt make me any healthier becase i weigh 3kg more..
  the fact is... i know i will feel shit.. ok, im not being a so good role model at the moment... but im just a person.. this is my feelings and thoughts.
  And i know that i will mentally feel worse if i gain 3 more kilo...  i dont know.. i dont know what to do...?

But the truth is.... That those last few kilo made a difference to my mental state. It gave me extra energy, it helped me fight my mental thoughts. It helped me overcome my fears, it helped me overcome my fear foods. It helped me learn to accept my body, to love my body. I had energy to do the thing which i love - exercise and to become stronger.
    I thought i would be fat, that i would hate myself. I didnt want to let go of my ED i didnt want to be normal. But i did let go and i felt better. Granted, i might not have liked my body everyday. I did struggle at times... at times i didnt like what i saw in the mirror but i had more energy and i was stronger so i could fight those thoughts. Instead of resorting to starvation i would eat something extra and know that those thoughts would go away becaus e i was stronger than the voice in my head.

So if you think that you can be underweight and still be healthy - you are wrong. You are compromising with your eating disorder. you arent letting your ED go.... you are just trying to make ti easier for you. Which isnt what you should do. Instead you need to make things uncomfortable for you, you need to face the anxiety, do things that scare you.
  Some people are naturally very thin and underweight and maybe you were one of those... but forget about that. Because after you have an eating  disoder you NEED to be a healthy weight c.a BMI 19+ you cant be underweight. Your body neeeds to be a healthy weight, have energy to function properly to repair itsself. So if you were naturally underweight or lower weight before your ED... well who cares. So was I..... i had never been a normal BMI in my life until after i was declared healthy from anorexia. I had always been underweight and struggled with my weight growing up. But that doesnt matter because weight and BMI shouldnt matter when you are healthy... not whether my BMI is 20 or 22 i dnot know, but what matters is that i am happy and healthy, that i have energy and can live my life.

You need to let go of numbers, let go of the scale and STOP compromising with your ED. Ask yourself why being a certain BMI or weight is so important? Nobody else knows your mass or BMI so what should it matter... why is it so important to be underweight... does it make you a better person? No it doesnt... so stop aiming for underweight. Think of what you are putting your body through.

TO be healthy, you also need a healthy weight and if you cant accept that then you cant have a very healthy mind either.


  1. Bravo! I love that line, "don't compromise with your ED". Very strong thought.

  2. Hi. I have a question, well my BMI is 13.5, and I'm following a meal plan but I want to stop and be normal, but I don't know if I should. What you think?
    Ps: Sorry but I'm not very good in english.

    1. Hello.
      Your bmi is dangerously low and so it's not a good idea to eat "freely" as your hunger and fullness signals won't work as they should. But also that you need to eat alot more than you think to gain weight so it's good to follow a meal plan so that you eat enough each day and your body gets the right amount of energy. Later on when you are at/near your goal weight you csn try eating more intuitively but for now it's best to follow a meal plan.