Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, June 17, 2016

Food is fuel and listening to my body

Hello and good evening!!

Hhow is everyone doing? First off i apologize for my absense here on my blog as well as in the comment section, i know i havent been so great at replying to messages, but i have my reasons for that. I will try my best to get back into the swing of things regarding blogging and replying to comments. I love having contact with my readers and the personal contact which i can have in the comment section, and a part of having a personal blog but i feel like i am lacking that connection now when i havent been so active with actually replying.

Anyway, today has not gone as planned at all. Last night i slept very anxiously and woke every hour and those hours i did sleep were filled with anxiety, so it was a relief to wake up in the morning and start the day fresh. My mind was motivated to workout and wanted to spend alot of time on pull ups and chin ups. However once i got to the gym it was like all the energy in my body was gone and i felt heavy and tired and even body weight exercises felt tough... so it was just to realise that working out wasnt going to put me in a good mood or help me in anyway so after 30 minutes i packed up, bought some watermelon and headed home. The reason for my heavy and tired body? Yesterday was a very long and tiring day mentally and i didnt eat enough as i left the house around 11 and didnt get home until 8pm, so yesterdays lack of energy and little sleep made its mark today.

When you workout it is so important to fuel yourself properly. I always notice that if i eat less one day it will affect me the next day... for most people they dont notice it so much, but i notice it rather quickly just like if i dont eat regular meals then my blood sugar drops and i feel tired and hangry. I am guess i am more intune or just more aware or more sensitive to changes in energy intake. But remember, if you want to workout or make progress with working out, then you need to eat and fuel yourself properly. Trying to workout with little energy isnt going to help you, instead make sure that all your energy levels and filled up so that you can use that energy!!!

The rest of my day has been spent watching season four of orange is the new black!!

And then at 5pm i began getting ready for the dinner party we were having for my sister and step brother who have passed their exams and getting their bachelors in a few weeks. Though once the first few guests started arriving i felt how my stomach began to cramp and sharp pains in my stomach which i had already started to feel during the day but got worse as the hours passed, so i ended up lying in bed while the guests arrived and the food began to be served. Not my idea of fun as the food being served was vegetarian/vegan and i was looking forward to the sweet and sour tofu and the delicious salad and bread that my mum had spent time making. This isnt the first dinner party i have missed out on due to stomach pain and i still dont know what it is.... It could be a number of things, but i guess i should try to pinpoint what it is more accurately.

However when i was talking to my dietician a week or two ago and i brought up the fact that i get alot of stomach pain (I have had stomach pain the past few days i.e since Sunday and its gone in waves of how bad it has been), and she basically said that When you have CF you have to live with the fact that you will get uncomfortable stomach pain at times. (Due to the fact that my body doesnt breakdown or absorb fat so well as well as having lots of stomach acid and heart burn and other foods cause stomach pain and cramps, though i have mostly cut those foods out of my diet now). My mum has said the same thing to me before - about how i need to just accept the fact that at times i will get random stomach pain due to my digestive system and not breaking down or absorbing nutrients so well. I have learnt to deal with it mostly, but i hate when it affects my life like this.... when i cant do certain things because i have so much pain and painkillers dont work, so instead you need to just curl into a ball (wrote bowl first, hahahah) and let the pain pass after a few hours or in the worst case, a few days.

Life could be worse though so i am not going to complain... this is my life and part of "my struggle" and well, it is just to deal with it. Instead of a dinner party i get to lie in bed and continue watching series, it could be worse. However, i was actually looking forward to a glass of champagne - surprinsgly as i dont drink/choose to not drink, but today i was looking forward to just a small glass... but nope, i'll have to stick to water and cola zero. Anyway...

I hope you have all had a great Friday and spend it better than i have anyway? Or maybe you can atleast watch your series without pain this evening, unlike me? And if you do have stomach pain.... well you arent alone, haha.


  1. so sorry you are suffering, Izzy! *hugs*

  2. Did you have these type of cramps in treatment aswell? Or is it the last year?

    1. No I didn't have this type of pain in treatment. Then it was just bloating and my body adjusting to the amount of food I had to eat. But these cramps and pain have been a regular thing the last few years :/

    2. Okay, just a thought; maybe you can try eating similar foods and amount like you did when you were in treatment and the period after that? You were obviously healthy and feeling good by eating that way if I am right? :) I don't really understand why you keep going on different diets and experimenting so much with how you eat, because you learned that in recovery already. It does sound like you are focusing very much on what you eat and what the food contains etc. Have you ever felt that you just want to let go of all that and just eat whatever? It feels like your very into that fitness and health trend, and I would be very careful with that after having an eating disorder as it's so easy to go too far. Also that you've lost very much weight.. I hope you do take that seriously because it's harder to stay healthy by then. This isn't criticism, I'm just worried for you and I know that we all need an eye opener sometimes.

  3. I'm sorry to hear about your stomach pains :( I get really bad stomach pain when I eat lactose, so I try and avoid that. But I know with being vegan that you've already eliminated dairy!
    I spent my Friday afternoon relaxing!! I had 2 exams at school, so it was nice to come home and do nothing :) I read Harry Potter and wasted time on Pinterest haha
    Tomorrow morning I get to sign up for university classes and I'm so excited XD And then my gamily will make yummy waffles for brunch :p
    Have a great weekend, and feel better soon <3

    1. That sounds like a lovely day, especially with the waffles :) I hope you get into the university courses you want to!! I hope you had a lovely Sunday.

  4. I hope you are feeling better today and I`m sorry you missed out on the evenings dinner party, I can understand how you were looking forward to it :)
    I`ve had so much stomach pain too lately so I really sympathise. Its not nice, especially when you are doing everything you can to stop it and those things/pain killers don`t work. I have spent more time in bed with the pain and generally feeling unwell than I have been up and about this week. To make matters worse my doctor has referred me to the hospital but when my booking form came through for me to make an appointment I learnt there were no available appointments, they are choc full. So I had to ring the advice line who told me they would get back to me by the 27th of this month, but also warned that there was at least a four month waiting list for an appointment! So I really don`t know what I am expected to do until then. I have lost so much weight I am practically back to the beginning again of where I was this time last year. But if there are no appointments there is nothing I can do about that. It is so frustrating. And also knowing that when I do finally get an appointment any further referral for tests and things will be even further down the line, so I definitely am not looking at getting any answers to this any time soon :(
    I guess I just have to take each day as it comes and make the most of the good times and don`t fight the bad. I have tried to carry on regardless and not give into the pain but it just makes me worse in the long run.
    I suppose this is true for you too. Make the most of your good days and just try to accept that on the days when you have pain you just have to rest it through. I know you are doing all you can to prevent it, taking your cf meds, controlling your diet etc and I know that you too must feel so frustrated by it. Are there any trigger foods you have been eating lately that may be the cause? Or sometimes there is no rhyme or reason, it just happens :(
    Heres hoping for a better week for both of us! Can I just say that I thought your dress looked lovely on you!
    Hope your plans for the recipe try-out go ahead today and its successful for you.
    And I think you are doing a great job regarding this blog despite your set backs, so don`t worry about that.
    Take care (())

    1. Sounds horrendous! The NHS must be really struggling.... I'm amazed it is this bad; or has someone not assessed the risks properly, or is there an alternative centre or hospital the doctor could refer to? x. I'm so sorry you're in such a hard situation; your spirit is wonderful.

    2. That sounds awful with the health care and having to wait so long :/ I guess taking your own initiative and maybe having a good journal so you can try to connect the dots not only with food but also emotions connected with and around the pain? If it's stress or anxiety or a mental thing csn cause stomach pain at times. Hopefully you won't have to wait so long and you can get the help you need :)
      I guess we do need to learn to live with some stomach discomfort, but it shouldn't be so bad that it keeps us from living life either. Finding a way to control it and know what makes it worse or triggers it.

  5. So sorry to hear about your pain!
    Izzy |

  6. Eating a lot of fruit ie citrus especially and some vegetables can play havoc with your digestive system and can make having excess acid worse.
    Also you have been having a lot of stress and anxiety this week - this can cause stomache discomforts and digestive problems too.
    Just some thoughts to help you pin point your pains.

    1. Oh yes those are great reminders. I know that stress can cause bloating for me and that lots of fruit can cause stomach pain due to all the fructose. I think it's just a combination of things really for me at the moment :/