Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Feeling judged while food shopping
When i was struggling with my eating disorder in the past one thing which i struggled with during my recovery and post weight gain was, thinking i was being judged by cashiers (or others) at the food store.
During recovery one of my fears was to actually admit i was hungry,then to actually eat when i was hungry, and later on be able to buy food or get someone else to buy food for me. But i had many times when i would go into the store and want to buy something like chocolate but then fear of being judged by the cahsier or others in the store stopped me from buying what i wanted and so i would leave empty handed or change my chocolate to an apple instead. There eventually came a point when i realised i had to stop worrying about being judged, what did it matter if people judged me for what i bought at the store? They didnt know why i was buying it or who would eat it, and what did it matter if i bought 5 chocolate bars, 3 crisp packets and 5 chocolate cakes. It doesnt matter what others think and you are allowed to buy as much as you want and whatever food you want at the store and fear of being judged shouldnt stop you.
I can now say from experience of sitting behind a cashier and talking to others who sit at the cashier (both at my job and my friends who work at the cashier) and most of us say the same thing, we dont judge or care what people buy, in all honesty we barely even notice what items you buy. It is just words, items and numbers. And once the items have scanned we have already forgotten what item it was... or that is how it is for me anyway.
I dont have time or energy to think about what you are buying, instead i scan the items and make sure that the item scanned is the right price and i havent scanned too many or too few items, and that is about as far as my thinking goes regarding the food the person has bought. Granted i am not a judgemental person so for me i dont personally care if someone buys 10 packs of sweets or just pizza, fries and cola. I guess i could say that i "notice" what a person buys in some form but it is not like i remember or care, everyone has the right to buy what they want and how much they want. But as mentioned i am not a judgemental person, some judge a little more than me but i think that is silly. Because 1)The cashier doesnt know where that food will go or who will eat it and 2) it doesnt matter to them anyway.
The only time that i really notice food or notice what a person is buying is when there is alot of meat or when its just meat, fish and dairy products then i feel a l ittle sad and wish i could just be like "nope sorry, you have to replace 50% of this with fruit and vegetables", hahaha JOKE. But i have noticed how cheap meat is and that makes me sad that meat is so cheap while things like meat substituts or vegan options are so much more expensive (however of course lentils, chickpeas, potatoes, rice etc are all very cheap and a great vegan source of vitamins, minerals and proteins as well as carbs!)
So, if you are worryed about being judged while at the food store then 1) You most likely arent and 2) even if someone does judge what does it matter. Doesnt even matter if they know you, food is energy and you can buy what you want!
Also adding, even after being ok with buying food at the store and not being so worried about beind judged i still felt slightly judged if i ever bought junk food on any other day than Friday or Saturday. Though that hasnt been a problem for many years now, as you know because of my chocolate consumption XD But remember, you dont have to have certain days when you eat certain foods... unless that works for you example if you are an all or nothing person or just like having treats certain days, but for me i buy treats when i crave it and not just because it is a certain day.
So... with all this said, Dont be scared of being judged for the food you buy. 98% of the people in the store wont judge you or care, and it shouldnt matter anyway!!!