Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Feeling judged while food shopping

When i was struggling with my eating disorder in the past one thing which i struggled with during my recovery and post weight gain was, thinking i was being judged by cashiers (or others) at the food store.

During recovery one of my fears was to actually admit i was hungry,then to actually eat when i was hungry, and later on be able to buy food or get someone else to buy food for me. But i had many times when i would go into the store and want to buy something like chocolate but then fear of being judged by the cahsier or others in the store stopped me from buying what i wanted and so i would leave empty handed or change my chocolate to an apple instead. There eventually came a point when i realised i had to stop worrying about being judged, what did it matter if people judged me for what i bought at the store? They didnt know why i was buying it or who would eat it, and what did it matter if i bought 5 chocolate bars, 3 crisp packets and 5 chocolate cakes. It doesnt matter what others think and you are allowed to buy as much as you want and whatever food you want at the store and fear of being judged shouldnt stop you.

I can now say from experience of sitting behind a cashier and talking to others who sit at the cashier (both at my job and my friends who work at the cashier) and most of us say the same thing, we dont judge or care what people buy, in all honesty we barely even notice what items you buy. It is just words, items and numbers. And once the items have scanned we have already forgotten what item it was... or that is how it is for me anyway. 

I dont have time or energy to think about what you are buying, instead i scan the items and make sure that the item scanned is the right price and i havent scanned too many or too few items, and that is about as far as my thinking goes regarding the food the person has bought. Granted i am not a judgemental person so for me i dont personally care if someone buys 10 packs of sweets or just pizza, fries and cola. I guess i could say that i "notice" what a person buys in some form but it is not like i remember or care, everyone has the right to buy what they want and how much they want. But as mentioned i am not a judgemental person, some judge a little more than me but i think that is silly. Because 1)The cashier doesnt know where that food will go or who will eat it and 2) it doesnt matter to them anyway.

The only time that i really notice food or notice what a person is buying is when there is alot of meat or when its just meat, fish and dairy products then i feel a l ittle sad and wish i could just be like "nope sorry, you have to replace 50% of this with fruit and vegetables", hahaha JOKE. But i have noticed how cheap meat is and that makes me sad that meat is so cheap while things like meat substituts or vegan options are so much more expensive (however of course lentils, chickpeas, potatoes, rice etc are all very cheap and a great vegan source of vitamins, minerals and proteins as well as carbs!)

So, if you are worryed about being judged while at the food store then 1) You most likely arent and 2) even if someone does judge what does it matter. Doesnt even matter if they know you, food is energy and you can buy what you want! 

Also adding, even after being ok with buying food at the store and not being so worried about beind judged i still felt slightly judged if i ever bought junk food on any other day than Friday or Saturday. Though that hasnt been a problem for many years now, as you know because of my chocolate consumption XD But remember, you dont have to have certain days when you eat certain foods... unless that works for you example if you are an all or nothing person or just like having treats certain days, but for me i buy treats when i crave it and not just because it is a certain day.


So... with all this said,  Dont be scared of being judged for the food you buy. 98% of the people in the store wont judge you or care, and it shouldnt matter anyway!!! 


2 comments:

  1. Interesting! I can`t say I ever felt as though as I have been "judged" by the cashier as to what I have brought, but I have felt it from other customers in the que that look at what you put on the conveyor belt. I know its none of their business but I do find it unsettling. What I have found is that the cashier will comment on certain foods sometimes, for example one time I was buying vanilla soy yogurt to try and the girl on the till asked me if I had ever tried it on cereal, because it was very nice. On another occasion they will comment if a food item they put through is new to them and will ask me what I think of it, telling me that they too wish to try it!
    Sometimes I do feel self conscious when buying food and although I know the cashier means well its hard when they draw attention to the food I buy. But this doesn't happen often and like you say, they are usually too busy getting on with their job to notice what they are scanning, but you do get the odd one or two cashiers that like to talk whilst they put your shopping through, and sometimes this is hard.
    How are you getting on with your job now - is it getting easier?

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  2. Ugh, I remember that feeling of being self -conscious at the checkouts, feeling hyper-aware, ashamed, and judged. I had so many rules about what and how much I could buy. At my worst, I even shoplifted periodically if I was too ashamed to go through the checkout with certain items ( like a chocolate bar if I was bingeing that day). I constantly worried about what my food was saying about me, how other people were judging me based on my items. It was ridiculous and pathetic. Today, thankfully, I don't give a shit :) I had forgotten all about this until I read this post, actually. I no longer care if people see my food, or what they think of my basket. I don't feel like there is a spotlight on me in the store anymore. What a sad, colossal waste of time all those sick worries, thoughts and behaviours were.... I mean, I'm grateful that the experience helped to shape who i am today, but I do wish I had "gotten it" sooner. I can't believe I spent years obsessing about basically the least important thing in the entire world (my appearance, my weight, people's opinions about my weight, food, appearance ). We have such a limited time on earth, and how sad to waste such precious years on something so insignificant. No one looks back from their death bed and says "gee, I just wish I had lost one more pound", or "I'm dying here, but I wonder if the checkout girl noticed that yogurt I bought was full fat." Sheesh.

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