One of the things that scares me tremendously in life and can give me anxiety and sleep problems when i begin to think too much about all the unknowns in life and in my own life.
Some people run towards the unknown, getting an adrenaline kick and something they love. For me personally it takes alot of courage to do something that is unknown and scary, instead i often feel nostalgic about the past because it always feels more comfortable, safer and always better. Even if that isnt the case at all. I have had times i have thought back on terrible memories but my mind has changed those memories and tried to tell me, "it wasn't so bad, it was much better now", when that isnt the case at all. And that 'now' is better than the past, it is just that i am facing lots of unknowns which also scare me and then make me want to seek comfort and something safe.
The first step is that i have acknowledged that this is how i feel and think. I know that the unknown and stepping out of my comfort zone does evoke anxiety and panic within me. Just thinking about starting a job - something unknown and new - thinking about moving away from home to a new place, thinking about all theese exciting, different and new things can make me so scared that i at times think of regretable actions to do, just to not have to face those unknowns. Which is silly, why does jumping infront of a train sometimes feel like a better idea than to grow up and jump into the unknown.
These thoughts and fears stem from my depression, anxiety and i guess my need for control. I do plan, organize and like to have control over my life - but also gotten so much better at knowing i cant control everything in life. But there is a fear that holds me back and what a terrible thing when i think about it really?
Fear holds me back, and i know i am not alone in this feeling. Many people live a life in their comfort zone, never daring to do anything new or different. And i am mostly one of those people, but over the years i have gotten so much better. I know how i feel but am learning to cope and push past the fear and the anxiety and do new things.
Things such as move away from home, go to university, apply for jobs - maybe start working, maybe move away to another place much further from my family.... all those things i never thought i could do and have had such incredible anxiety weeks prior, but then i push past that fear and do it anyway and things turn out ok.
I dont want to be 80 years old and realize that i missed out on so much just because i was scared. Of course listening to my gut feeling is important as well, sometimes the best thing is to say no and not do that "new and different thing" just because everyone else is, or because you think you should... you do need to listen to what your gut feeling is as well. For example the first few apartments i looked at in January, they didnt feel right and so i said no, but then i wondered if maybe it was just my anxiety telling me to say no.... but it was infact my gut feeling, because once i found the apartment i did live in, i knew it was the right apartment. It felt right once i saw it and i knew i wanted to live there, and it felt good to live there. So sometimes the first option isnt always the best option!!
Living a life of fear is going to hold you back. I keep doing new things, make sure that i dont let fear hold me back and even if i feel anxiety and first and just want to run away, in the end things turn out ok and the anxiety passes and i realise that things werent as scary or as unknown as they seemed. When we begin to conjure up all these images and thoughts of how things might be then it can scare us, but sometimes it is best to not have any expectations or images and just go with it, and enjoy the unknown!!!
And like mentioned so many times before - sorry for the repetition - but my latest tattoo is about just this... the fear of the unknown and the future, and not letting that ruin my happiness at the moment but also not being scared to step outside of my comfort zone.