Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, June 27, 2016

Dealig with stomach pain - family/partner who don't understand

Hi Izzy - can I ask you how you cope with living with a long term health problem? ie in your case your CF or your stomach pains for example? What effect does it have day to day in general and how does it effect your relationship with others when you are sick? Are people sympathetic and understanding or do they just don`t "get it"?
I ask because I need some advice. I have been ill so much just recently and I know people around me are getting fed up with me. Even to the extent of getting nasty comments about how I look or feel.Some evenings my partner will go the whole time not even bothering to talk to me because I am feeling ill again.
I just wondered how you cope.
If this is too personal a question I`ll understand.




Hello, 

Dont worry this question isn't too personal so i don't mind answering. I have written a post about how my CF affects me in my daily life, HERE. Most people outside of my family and boyfriend don't actually know i have Cystic Fibrosis as it isnt an illness that can be seen, unless the person is very sick with the illness. For me it is just the coughing, hard to breathe and medication which can be 'seen from the outside'. Otherwise i am just like another normal person. Though in the past i was very sick with my CF and would spend weeks to months away from school due to sickness and then people in my class and around me knew that i was sick and were all very understanding of why i would be gone for weeks. Now a days i dont get that sick - luckily - so i dont need to explain strange weeks of absense. With my Cystic Fibrosis people are understanding, those who know about it anyway. 

Though with my stomach pain - which is related to my CF - people arent as understanding. I have had so much stomach pain over the last year due to different reasons that by now my sister is tired of me saying i have a stomach pain and my boyfriend is pretty tired of cancelled plans or me having to just go and lie down for a while as i have so much pain. Though then that just makes me feel guilty and anxious which can make the pain worse, hahaha... so that doesnt help when people around me get irritated because i can't join in/have to cancel because i have stomach pain.
The fact is that i am very pain tolerant and can work through most of the pain i have both mentally and physically, but the stomach cramps i get... it just knocks me down each time and i have to lie curled into a ball. The core is so central and there are intestines, organs, the stomach etc which are there and so its not necessarily the stomach which is where the pain stems from, but from the lack of digestion and absorption of food (mainly high fat food and now i think too much fruit is causing my pain as well). And then things like stress and anxiety can make my stomach pain worse... but most often it is due to food that my body can't digest, and i have pinpointed a few of them but sometimes the pain occurs randomly anyway.

I find that when people can't understand a certain pain or when someone elses pain starts too affect them as well then they become less understanding, though that is not always the case. Some people try their best to understand and care even if they dont fully understand the pain the person is in. But i have found in my life that if pain lasts "too long" or you arent "normal" or your pain affects the other person then they become more rude and less sensitive, caring or understanding towards you. And it is important to not take it personally. Just like if you suffer with anxiety or panic attacks and that stops you from socializing or doing things in your life, don't take it personally if those around you can get irritated, it is not your fault, however there are ways to overcome and fight anxiety and panic and make them less or atleast managable so you can live a somewhat normal life :)

But back to stomach pain. If you have any type of digestion issues or IBS or other stomach issues then the pain involved can be awful and also long lasting, and unless someone has that type of stomach pain they can't always relate.. so then they think it is just to take a painkiller and get up and go, and sure that works sometimes but not always. Even if people around you can't understand you need to do what is best for you.

Sometimes there is a solution and remedy for the stomach pain, othertimes there isnt but the important thing i guess is to learn to cope and manage and not let it affect your life too much, but not feel guilty when it does knock you down.

Communication is key with your partner and family members and friends and if they can't understand or be helpful then that is their choice and you shouldn't be made too feel guilty just because you have pain. One day maybe the pain will be gone and managable and you will be back to your regular self!!


 I dont really know if i have answered the questioned or even been helpful in this post, hahaha. A little tired this morning, but to summarize: My sister and boyfriend are tired of my constant stomach pain, that can make me feel anxious which worsens the pain. But i have learnt that my stomach pain isn't an excuse or just a little pain, it is due to digestion issues or stress/anxiety and with the digestion issues there isnt much i can do about it apart from avoid food that causes me pain and with stress/anxiety i need to do less of that and hopefully that will help. But being made to feel guilty because i have to cancel plans will just make me feel worse, which i dont think those around me know about. But i have learnt to listen to my body and know when i can just take a pain killer and get through the day/night and times when i just need to cancel everything and lie in bed because i have too much pain. And learning to be ok with the choice i make and not care what others think about that choice, instead doing what is best for me. If people can't understand my stomach pain, then that is their problem and not mine and i am doing my best to solve the problem as best i can but as my dietician has said, "when you have CF you need to learn to live with stomach pain", so its basically a life long thing in some form or another.




3 comments:

  1. Thankyou so much for writing this - it has helped me a lot. Can I just say though that I think you are extremely courageous coping with your CF the way that you do. I read your extra post about how it affects you and the meds you take and can honestly say that I didn't realise it was so involved. I think you are amazing the way that you deal with it and have managed to get on with your life despite it, and the fact that you have kept yourself so healthy is all credit to you.
    Thankyou also for sharing how peoples attitudes are towards your stomach pain - I know this isn't positive but I was beginning to think I was the only one with this reaction from others. It hurts so much when they are "off" with me and makes me feel ten times worse, but like you say, sometimes you just can`t help that and have to deal with the pain the only way you know how, even if that means having to cancel plans to rest. It upsets me when my partner is like that as it feels as though he is practically bullying me to get up and be "normal" - and I do try to do stuff with him but there comes a point where I just can`t carry on and pretend any longer. It is very hard.
    But thankyou for sharing, reading your post has meant a lot to me and I really appreciate your honesty. I only hope that I can find the strength and courage to deal with my problems the way you have yours. You truly are an amazing person :)

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  2. Well last night was awful. I started to get ill in the afternoon and by the evening all I wanted was to lie in bed. But I made myself get tea ready for when my partner was due home and when he did come home he took one look at me and then it was silence for the rest of the evening. I ended up going to bed for a while but came back downstairs a bit later, only for him to leave the lounge and go to bed himself. So things are not good. I cannot help it if I feel so lousy but he is practically forcing a guilt trip on me. I don`t know what to do. Its no good trying to talk to him when he`s like this and he is the sort of person who carries on regardless if he is ill. I have never known him to have a sick day from work no matter how bad he feels, his way of thinking is not to give into illness and carry on. I`m at a loss as to how to handle this. I do try to carry on and get stuff done but when your body is screaming "no" at you its so incredibly hard.
    Anyway, just had to have a bit of a vent. Hopefully today will be better.

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  3. Now i am suggest you another thing 1 go outside the walk daily and 2nd is ate the salad daily! These things are most beneficial for the stomach

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