Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, June 9, 2016

Comparing yourself to others wont make you feel better - and reminding yourself that you are good enough as you are

Usually i am the type of person who doesnt compare myself to others. I have found that there is no point, everyone is different. But at times when just surfing social media i can find myself comparing myself to others, and not based on appearance, but on achievements or what others can do.

Sometimes i find myself on different food accounts on instagram or recipe blogs and just wish that i was that creative with food and recipes and that my food photos were as good. Wish that my blog was as modern and clean and fresh and that i had time and money to just be creative with food and recipes and make delicious looking food and desserts. My food is basically amateur - i am hungry but sometimes creative with what i eat food. Some people online take such amazing photos of food or making such amazing recipes and i just wish i could do the same thing.

And then there are times when i realise that some people who have only been going to the gym for 1-2 years and already have such amazing progress and strength or can do so many different things and then i begin to think.... "well i've gone to the gym for 4 years now and i am lucky if i can squat half my body weight without having back pain for the next 2 weeks." Or when people post videos or pictures of them doing cool exercises/workouts and i feel like i will never be able to do that due to pain and injuries... but then again, practise makes perfect and there is hours of practise behind those photos and videos, so i know that! I workout for fun and enjoyment and not for any physical goal or any certain type of goal apart from small things like 10 chin ups or double my bodyweight in deadlift or run a half marathon etc but its never been any "big" goals and then when i see people reaching all these big goals and i think.... what have i done these 4 years at the gym? But i know its silly to think that way because i have made so much progress strength wise and just a healthier and more capabel body. And my goal is not to be the strongest or most fit and i have done what i enjoy and what makes me feel happy and healthy so that is the most important!

And then when i see some people who seem to have achieved so much and are still so young i begin to question what i am doing with my life.... but then i think about all the achievements in my life and i shouldnt downplay them just because others seem to have 'bigger' achievements.

Sometimes i can get the feeling like i amnt really good at anything... just mediocre. Like im trying, but still not good enough in any area of my life. I have written about it before, but i often feel like an awful friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend. Like i amnt good enough in school, or good at running or strength training, not good at blogging or writing or keeping in contact... not really good at anything. And i often like to downplay my achievements because someone else is always better than me anyway. But i need to learn that i am good enough and just because others have achieved certain things in life doesnt mean that my achievements dont matter or that i amnt good enough. Everyone is good at different things and sometimes we wish we were better at other things, but then its just to work on them as best we can!!

Comparison really is the theif of joy, but i am reminding myself that i am good enough as i am. And also a reminder to not compare myself to others because it never helps, each time i do compare myself to others (which doesnt happen so often), but when it does i never feel better. So focusing on myself, my goals and my life and trying to remind myself that i am good at things even if i am not the best. And even if i was the worst it doesnt matter, i should do what i enjoy and things take time in life! 

A long sort of ramble post this morning at 6am, but i felt like i needed to write it out and maybe others relate to the feeling of not being good enough or comparing your achievements to others.

But you need to focus on YOU and that you ARE good enough and dont compare yourself or your achievements to others, because there will always  be people who are better or worse than you at things or achieved things which you want to achieve, but that doesnt matter. You do you, and focus on you!!


  1. I think something very important for you to remember Izzy, is that overcoming in the way that you have, and to have then inspired so many others to even try to overcome, let alone overcome as well, is an enormous accomplishment - and this is not to be patronizing or downplaying, it is the straight truth. One of the most inspirational people in my own life is incredibly successful in many things that I find just amazing, but she has also overcome an unbelievable amount in order to even be able to achieve those things, and it is her overcoming of incredibly difficult and terrible things that honestly inspires me the most. You definitely need to give more credit to yourself for writing and blogging - yes your style is very informal and personal but that is what so many people need to feel connected. Many great writers sell best seller autobiographies that are very personal and informal, and the best parts in their stories are not the awards they win or the grand successes they have but all of the moments and times they overcome, that help us relate and know we are all human. Do not discount that from yourself, or from the people you give that inspiration to. I know you inspire many people online and I am sure that many more people in your own life are far more impressed and inspired and amazed by your than you even realize. The parts of your blog that have helped me have not been when you won awards or graduated - although those made me very happy and proud for you! - but when you bravely and honestly admitted that you were struggling but trying your best and that you usually round it out with a positive thought or quote. So many people cannot do that, at all. So many people don't even try.
    cont -

  2. Cont - Being jealous / feeling less than for seeing other people on social media is extremely common. It happens to me all the time. I just tell myself that their life has no affect on mine and nothing to do with mine. If it's a friend, I am happy for their achievements and success. If it's a stranger, it has nothing to do with me, unless perhaps to inspire me if it is something that interests me.
    I always want you to know I can 100% relate. Comparing myself to others sends me into a very fast, very negative and very convincing downward spiral that I am an awful person who nobody would want in their lives for a multitude of reasons. It's so silly. In real life, people would be shocked if they knew you saw yourself that way. Truly they would.
    And also to give yourself credit for how much you have dealt with at such a young age, with CFS and anorexia, and I can't even imagine the feelings you must have knowing all of the facts about CFS and the constant intrusive impact it has had on your life, and that - while their is a growing community of ED recovery support - I imagine there is not such a big community of CFS support and it is feeling that you are alone in dealing with that and a burden can be a huge trigger for anxiety, depression, low self esteem. It is a different topic but I grew up in an abusive home and suffered a lot of trauma from that, and it wasn't until I was able to speak with people who had been through similar experiences, to be validated, to know I wasn't alone and wasn't overreacting or crazy in dealing with it, that it began to be something I could cope with. I know CFS is an ongoing thing in your life and it is very different, but I think if you could perhaps find a support group for it, or (I know you don't like therapy) a therapist who understands it - and I have been to many awful therapists who did more harm than good, until I found a therapist who has helped me out of the very worst parts of my eating disorder and of my trauma, because she is a fantastic therapist and a perfect fit for me. I am not saying you *should* go to therapy, it is a personal choice, but in my experience, persevering through all of the terrible therapists (there are more bad than good ones!) was so worth it to find the one who helps me. I think Sweden has free healthcare, yes? If not, there are sliding scale options, low cost clinic etcs (although I know those are very hit and miss). - cont

  3. cont - Anyway this has become a long comment sorry. I just want to offer, as you offer us so much of yourself, perhaps some external insight into knowing that you have massive achievements, there are many things about you that I look at and wish I had or was - I have always thought you are beautiful (not just because you are fit/slim, but your face and hair), and that you are so patient and open, and brave and strong, and you have a wonderful family, from the sound of your writing, and even though it is taking time, you are unfolding the things in your life you wish to do ie. help others through nutrition and lifestyle etc - and all good things take time (and I am sure you would feel envy of some sort for me too if you looked at my social media as I only post the best most positive things in my life and it is an incredibly unfathomably inaccurate representation of my life and how much I struggle.) You have helped me immensely for nearly two years now without even realising. I hope you can recognize how special and amazing you are, not because you should, but because it's true.
    Wishing you much love and gratitude and admiration for all that you are and all that do,
    PS. You are only 20 years old by the way! I feel this is important to mention. You have accomplished so much but you are SO YOUNG. You won't realize how young you are for a long time, and how very very very normal it is for people to feel this way, especially accomplished people as they are the ones always striving to be better. Cut yourself some slack. Nobody expects you to have it all figured out by 20, let alone when you have had to spend so much time surviving and figuring out how to make it this far in good health and alive and with energy and positivity. That takes far more than people acknowledge.
    If you wrote a book from the heart about your life just to this point, and had an editor go through for grammar / read-ablity - as every published writer ever does have done - I guarantee you would shock yourself with how successful it would be!

  4. It is possible to get past feelings like that - just as you learnt to accept and love your body, it is possible to get to a place of accepting and esteeming yourself.
    For an onlooker who thinks you are wonderful (as I do), it is of course sad that you suffer from low self-esteem. But it is possible to get to a better place with that too - truly :) x. Take care.

  5. I love so much of what the above commenters said. And I relate so much to this post. Getting caught in the comparison trap is still something I am working on. It often happens insidiously, too. I will start reading a blog for fun or inspiration, and after a few weeks realize that I'm criticizing myself, picking on perceived flaws, and feeling not good enough. Then i figure out that those blogs or whatever are actually causing me negative feelings about myself, even though it started in fun. Running blogs are a good example of this - i will start getting down that, despite years of training i am nowhere near as fast as person x, y, or z. It's up to me to recognize the things in my life that are bringing positive or negative influence, and act accordingly. Cut out sources of comparison. When I am not thinking about everyone else, I am able to see my own unique value. I feel bad for the younger generations who are growing up with social media, as I find that is one of the absolute worst sources for comparison and fostering negative self-image these days. I'm just old enough to have totally missed the boat on that whole phenomenon, and I do think I'm better off for it. I can find joy in my accomplishments and progress because I'm not holding them up beside a legion of others.

    I also echo the above statement that you, Izzy, are still so very very young! Don't sell yourself short. I have a sibling your age who barely knows how to make toast, and is still highly dependent on our parents for all kinds of things. Everyone is on their own journey. A friend once told me something that really stuck with me, and I repeat it to myself when I'm feeling down on myself: "No matter who you are, there is someone out there who wishes they were you." That really helps me in moments of low self esteem. And I know you have readers that look at you and wish that. When you are out walking around town, there is *someone* who sees you and wishes they looked like you, or has what you have, or is doing what you're doing.

  6. Just be yourself and love the person that you are. There will always seemingly be people better off or worse off than yourself, but that is just a judgement because you don`t really know what is going on behind the lives of others. People let you see what they want you to see. Remember that you are young and embarking on agreat journey - you are pretty, fun,clever, creative, thoughtful and kind. You are knowledgeable and have great career prospects ahead of you. You are successful and committed in what you like and do. You have a loving family and relationship. You are indeed a lucky person and should rightly celebrate that fact.
    Don`t waste valuable time and energy comparing yourself to others. You are more than that :)