Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: email@example.com
Sunday, June 5, 2016
A weekend out an island with my family and fresh fruit and feeling self conscious
Hello and good morning :)
The past 24 hours i havent had time to update at all, apart from my post this morning which i wrote while i was out walking... so not even sure what i wrote really, hahaha. But about positivity and compliments as it is something i think we need more of :)
Yesterday was a long day of travelling where i left the house at 8.20am, got picked up finally at 11am (though we said 10.15!) and then it took a total of 5 hours until we were finally out on a little island where we could spend a few hours in the sun anyway.
The car journey was long and tiring and the boat journey was windy and cold and i felt very sea sick but once we were out on the island and on land i felt better again!!
We ate a late lunch, lay in the sunshine and just enjoyed a few hours in the sun before we then took the boat back to the bigger island where the house is and made dinner - soya burgers, potatoes, salad and sweet corn. And by the time the dinner was prepared and eaten it was 9.30pm and with only 3 hours sleep the previous night it was just to jump into bed and try to sleep!
Today the plans are to spend the day in the sunshine once again and just relax in the sun :) Sounds like a good Sunday to me!!!
And p.s i am sorry for all the similar food pictures in this post... but fresh fruit is basically going to be 60% of my diet as i love it and its cheap at the moment!!! But of course i am trying to eat as much as possible... infact yesterday evening and this morning i made myself eat so much that i was in a food coma and felt very ill because i know i need to push past my "i'm full" eating to regain weight.
Recently i have felt very self conscious about the fact that i have lost weight... if i am honest i can write 20 things about why weightloss sucks and i hate it, hahaah. And i am also not going to lie i havent exactly focused 100% on trying to regain the weight i mean running, walking and eating fruit isnt exactly the best strategy to regain weight I KNOW THIS! I am not going to give up veganism as i dont feel mentally unhealthy or triggered or any eating disorder thoughts, but i just need to actually focus on eating more and actually eating even though i am not hungry and eating more than just when i am full. Because when i listen to my body and eat according to my hunger and fullness feelings then i just maintain weight, or in this case dont maintain weight... so now its about eating even if i am not hungry and eating bigger portions and more calorie dense!!
I hate the self conscious feeling of feeling "too small" and like people are staring at me because of that.
Anyway, i am not going to get into this as it can be triggering. Or who knows, maybe inspiring as i am back on the "weight gain train" and now it is because i WANT TO not because anyone is forcing me. But i know where my healthy set point is and that is where my body maintained its weight since 2012 and i only gained due to muscle mass, but due to listening to my bodies hunger and fullness i had my healthy set point with extra muscle mass.
Anyway too much writing and i need to be social with my family!