Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, June 5, 2016

A weekend out an island with my family and fresh fruit and feeling self conscious

Hello and good morning :)

The past 24 hours i havent had time to update at all, apart from my post this morning which i wrote while i was out walking... so not even sure what i wrote really, hahaha. But about positivity and compliments as it is something i think we need more of :)

Yesterday was a long day of travelling where i left the house at 8.20am, got picked up finally at 11am (though we said 10.15!) and then it took a total of 5 hours until we were finally out on a little island where we could spend a few hours in the sun anyway.
The car journey was long and tiring and the boat journey  was windy and cold and i felt very sea sick but once we were out on the island and on land i felt better again!!

We ate a late lunch, lay in the sunshine and just enjoyed a few hours in the sun before we then took the boat back to the bigger island where the house is and made dinner - soya burgers, potatoes, salad and sweet corn. And by the time the dinner was prepared and eaten it was 9.30pm and with only 3 hours sleep the previous night it was just to jump into bed and try to sleep!

Today the plans are to spend the day in the sunshine once again and just relax in the sun :) Sounds like a good Sunday to me!!!

And p.s i am sorry for all the similar food pictures in this post... but fresh fruit is basically going to be 60% of my diet as i love it and its cheap at the moment!!! But of course i am trying to eat as much as possible... infact yesterday evening and this morning i made myself eat so much that i was in a food coma and felt very ill because i know i need to push past my "i'm full" eating to regain weight. 

Recently i have felt very self conscious about the fact that i have lost weight... if i am honest i can write 20 things about why weightloss sucks and i hate it, hahaah. And i am also not going to lie i havent exactly focused 100% on trying to regain the weight i mean running, walking and eating fruit isnt exactly the best strategy to regain weight I KNOW THIS! I am not going to give up veganism as i dont feel mentally unhealthy or triggered or any eating disorder thoughts, but i just need to actually focus on eating more and actually eating even though i am not hungry and eating more than just when i am full. Because when i listen to my body and eat according to my hunger and fullness feelings then i just maintain weight, or in this case dont maintain weight... so now its about eating even if i am not hungry and eating bigger portions and more calorie dense!! 
I hate the self conscious feeling of feeling "too small" and like people are staring at me because of that. 
Anyway, i am not going to get into this as it can be triggering. Or who knows, maybe inspiring as i am back on the "weight gain train" and now it is because i WANT TO not because anyone is forcing me. But i know where my healthy set point is and that is where my body maintained its weight since 2012 and i only gained due to muscle mass, but due to listening to my bodies hunger and fullness i had my healthy set point with extra muscle mass.

Anyway too much writing and i need to be social with my family!


  1. Glad you are having a lovely time! Just relax and enjoy :)
    I should imagine it is hard having to gain weight on a vegan diet - could you add cream to your fruit or eat extra potatoes and bread? I would try not to eat too much fresh fruit though, however nice it is as that's not really going to help you calorie wise and will just fill you up. But you know all this already :)
    Hope you have a great Sunday in the sun - its nice weather here too at the moment, forecast 26 degrees this afternoon! Do you think Summer is finally here???

    1. I also noticed the crazy amount of fresh fruit and vegetables you eat, i would cut it down so that there will be more room for high calorie food like nuts and such. I am sure you know this, but it is just a reminder.

    2. Hahaha i havent exactly been the best role model for someone who needs to gain weight, as i mentioned in my post. But i havent actively tried to gain weight either. I do eat more than just fresh fruit and plenty of nuts, dates, coconut oil, dark chocolate and now lots of bread and oats as well - and of course my lunches and dinners!!

      Fruit isnt so high kcal and alot of fiber so not the best to eat lots of it when the goal is weight gain, but i am still going to eat lots of fruit and lots of other food as well! :) Maybe just less watermelon and more mango!

  2. hello Izzy, do you have any thoughts on the difference and relationship between craving (which healthy people also have) and compulsion (which is characteristically unhealthy)? nb. you don't have to answer, it is just something i have wondered about!
    your fruit looks lovely! enjoy your weekend.

    1. I can try to write a post about this if i have time... but the unhealthy cravings/compulsion are often due to stress, tiredness, obsessive thoughts about food and due to an eating disorder or disordered eating. But they can also be due to a person restricting or thinking they arent allowed certain food, or just obessive binging thoughts or due to the body lacking nutrients, vitamins or minerals which then causes food cravings.

      And a normal persons cravings is often due to tiredness, stress or hormones or that their body is telling them something. But usually how a person reacts to those cravings can tell you about where the cravings stem from i.e whether a person binges on their cravings or just takes a bit and is then satisfied.

  3. Hey Izzy. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the sun and the fruit! Ahh I love summer so much. It makes you feel like you've come out of hibernation �� I know you are very aware and careful about your recent weight loss and I think it's commendable that you can address it online. The fact that you acknowledge there's an 'issue' and that you don't feel your best when you are thinner. Sorry if this wording doesn't come off correctly- it's supposed to be nice and supportive :) anyway, I hope you enjoy the island and find a way to balance plant based and feeling good

    1. I love summer and the warmth and just the freedom :):)
      My weightloss hasnt been intentional so i feel that i do need to address it, but also the fact thati have noticed it, my family has and even my readers so i do need to mention it. But i dont want to talk or write about it so much either as i feel that there is no point and it can be triggering.

  4. Hey, weight fluctuates! It just happens (which I'm sure you know) :) I mean, I generally sit within the same 1-3kg with no problem. Right now I have my 'winter coat' on hehehe. I have affectionate names for it. But goodness, that fruit looks so, so good! Drool. I need to get more fruit and veg back into my diet. I have a sudden craving for corn. Hope you have fun with your family! I'm with mine at the moment...but I've mainly been locked away because I'm trying to finish a report ha. Uni life!

  5. Time to get the peanut butter out again:)
    Hope you had a lovely weekend!

    1. hahah exactly :) Infact dates with peanut butter, dark chocolate and coconut oil is SOOO good and my favourite sweet dessert/snack right now! Either just mix together or make small balls out of the mix :)