Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, May 17, 2016

What to do when you are phsysically recovered from an eating disorder but not mentally

Recovery is more than just weight gain, for some they are a healthy weight and struggle with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are more than just weight, they are a mental illness, meaning that anyone at any shape or size can have an eating disorder.

But what happens when you are physically recovered and mentally 80% recovered but you still find yourself getting some thoughts... thoughts that hold you back from true recovery. Do you just accept it and think, this is life, it wont get better than this. Or do you realise that you are still controlled by your eating disorder, but that you can break free. You can regain YOUR control and be free from your eating disorder, but that means facing those fears and the things that hold you back.

Because first off, if you know that you are getting certain thoughts that you dont think are normal, then 1) write them down and challenge them. Why does that thing scare you? What can you do to go against it so it is no longer a fear.Because if you dont challenge those thoughts or fears, they will continue being fears and continue controlling you. Its like any fears, if you dont go against them then they will always be fears, they dont magically disappear.

If you get thoughts such as, i shouldnt eat dinner because i ate alot for lunch, or you think you cant have the cookie because you're going to eat potatoes for dinner etc then challenge those thoughts. Go against them and do the opposite. Food is not the enemy, but food shouldnt be your whole life either. Recovery is about finding YOUR balance, where food is part of your life and you eat it everyday because that is what you need. But unless you are working with food, it shouldnt be the main focus on your life either. I.e sitting around and counting down the hours until your next meal or always thinking about what you are going to eat next isnt good either. (This can happen at times, and there is nothing wrong with that, but if this is an everyday type of thinking and all your focus is on food then you need to do something about that. Find hobbies and distractions)

If you are still getting thoughts that hold you back and control you, then go against them. It can help to know which ones are the controlling ones and when they pop up, you have to be strong enough to not listen to them. But to try to listen to the real you, and if that is not possible... at least do the opposite of what your ED wants you to do.

Find YOUR balance with food, find your enjoyment in food, but also focus on LIFE, HEALTH, HAPPINESS.

Dont let your eating disorder control you, because you can be fully free. But that means not letting the ED thoughts control you, instead going against them. And eventually they will fade away, maybe at times you might get a random thought such as, "i ate too much for lunch, i should eat a small dinner" or "ive eaten ice cream too often recently i shouldnt eat anything with sugar for the next x weeks" etc but you should be strong enough to know what is best for YOU and to go against those types of thoughts. Of course, there is a difference between needing to go on a sugar detox because you are sugar addicted, and not wanting to eat sugar because you are scared of sugar. And there is a difference between not being so hungry - physically - because you ate alot already and then eating a little less later on. Rather than telling yourself that you cant eat alot even though you are hungry, just because you think you ate too much. When you are controlled by your eating disorder, then the best thing is to keep fighting until those thoughts are no longer in your head. Even if it scares you, gives you anxiety or guilt, you cant give up... because otherwise those thoughts will always control you. You need to fight them sometime, dont accept half recovery, because life is so much better as fully recovered!! It is a mental battle, but if you want it then you can win it :)


  1. I have to disagree on something. You say food shouldnt be the main focus on your life. Why the should and shouldn't? If one in recovery is so hungry one can't help thinking about food and want to eat all the time because of extreme hunger, then your "shouldn't" is so unnecessary!What are you afraid of and trying to warn against? The illness that make people enormous? People with restricting behaviours do not have anything in common with them!! They have an illness far from anorexia and bulimia. To think about food is what is natural when the body wants food. Simple as that. When it is satisfied the person with that body will not think about food all the time anymore.The obsession with food id OK and expected untill the body is recovered! Please don't let your fear give you advice.

    1. Thinking about food due to hunger I. E ypu aren't eating enough and so thinking about food is your bodies way of telling you it needs food. But being obsessed about food and constantly thinking about calories, recipes, what you can or can't eat, what you will eat next etc etc that isn't so healthy. Your thoughts shouldn't always be on food... the only time my thoughts are on food is when I'm hungry/really hungry otherwise my thoughts are on other things in life. Food obsession shouldnt be "expected" it's something you need to work to get rid of.... I. E think avout food when it's necessary but not 24/7. Eat and nourish your body and generally the food thoughts lessen as you begin to actually live life. And extreme hunger is one thing but constant food thoughts all the time controlling you is another.

  2. I think its more about changing behaviours. When you have a restricted eating disorder your head is full of calorie counts/ fat contents and what you allow and not allow yourself to eat. In recovery you have to learn to change those behaviours, to have a better and healthy relationship to all foods. If you are constantly thinking about food in recovery - more than it is necessary to enable you to plan a days meal intake - then that is going back to old behaviours, and you really want to change that. it is not healthy or normal to obsess about food - and I`m not talking about a certain craving because that is satisfied as soon as you have that food.
    I think that is what Izzy meant although I`m sure she`ll clarify.

  3. Hi Izzy - this has got nothing to do with your post but I thought I`d ask here.
    I am thinking of going to a private dietician/therapist rather than relying on NHS after the disaster that was the last one. What I was wondering if you could give any advice of how to choose one, ie what I should look for? I have no experience in private health care as the doctor usually just refers and you have no say in who you see, but I need to do something.
    Thanks for your help :)

    1. I think going to a private dietician can be great. I would look at the persons qualifications and how long they have been helping people and also who they help - generally. I.e whether they mostly help people lose weight or gain weight or fitness plans etc usually people those who have worked with nutrition for a longer time have alot of experience wwhich can be good. But of course a degree doesn't automatically make the person the best one to give advice. I don't have so much advice to give about this topic but maybe call and ask how they can help you I. E do they give specialised meal plans, do they know about intolerances and how many times can you meet them/ will they weigh you or have contact with you outside of just a meal plan etc

    2. Thanks Izzy, I will follow these tips and look a few up. Hopefully I`ll have a better experience this time, and its worth the money if they can really help me. I still think this service should be more widely available on the NHS though, but I can`t afford to hang around waiting for changes in the system to be made.

  4. I love that you continue to challenge your readers to go beyond half recovery. You are really doing your part to dispell the myth that eating disorders are lifelong and will always require some degree of managing. True, FULL recovery is possible, and it's great that you champion this :)
    In regards to food obsession, I totally agree with what you are saying. I think the commenters are right, too, but the difference lies within what stage of recovery one is in. In early recovery, food obsession is very much present and to be expected. The entire process of recovery involves some degree of food obsession, as you learn the new skills involved in being healthy. Of COURSE there is going to be preoccupation with food. This preoccupation can last a lot longer than people think. But I do believe that this preoccupation is a solid indicator that one is still IN the recovery process, and not yet recovered. In true recovery, that obsession is not present. Everyone thinks of food to some degree as it is a normal and enjoyable part of each and every day. Hunger will result in food preoccupation with food until you eat and the hunger goes away. But the accompanying stress, intrusive thoughts, mental gymnastics, and reoccurring obsessions involved in disordered eating should NOT be present in real recovery (yes, I used the "should" word). Having those thoughts is not wrong or something inherently negative - it simply means you are not done your journey yet. It is a flag sign that you need to keep going, keep growing, keep evolving. Freedom is just that - freedom from the thoughts and behaviours that keep you shackled to your disorder. Freedom thus equals the ABSENCE of those disordered thoughts. If you are still struggling with some remaining thoughts, fears, rules, etc - it just means you need to keep going. Here's is another "should": you SHOULD NOT accept half recovery. You SHOULD demand, and strive for, total freedom from your disorder.